Wow, I feel like my first blog on marriage was a shock to some. I stripped away the fairy tale view that is prevalent in our society. The view that our marriage will complete us, will bring us affirmation, will cure our loneliness and will have a fairy tale ending. However, remember I wanted to tell you some truths about marriage, not myths. The incredible thing about knowing the truth is that it does free us and our spouse to really enjoy a healthy marriage. You will have a more fulfilling marriage than you would have dreamed. God does not invent something as high priority as marriage and then let it be a disappointment. The problem is that we have to do it His way, not our way.

As I stated in my blog, I am looking forward to writing about marriage. I am more in love with Mark than I have ever been in my life. He is the “love of my life.” As I promised the things I will share will have nothing to do with Mark or I. The answers are found in God’s word and they are nonnegotiable. We cannot follow them when we feel like we think they make sense or when they are easy or when they are convenient.

Without further digressing, I will talk about one of those nonnegotiables. In Colossians 3:18, it states “Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honors the Master.” (The Message version) It follows in verse 19, “Husbands go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.”
As a wife, one of the most difficult things to learn is how to respect your husband,  Especially in the early years of marriage, you will struggle with truly encouraging your husband because when he makes a mistake your first response will not be to respect him.  That is a natural response.  However, we are not talking about a natural response, but a supernatural response.  You cannot say "But God, he is not worthy of my respect today because of ___(fill in the blank).  How often have you heard a wife make a disrespectful remark about her husband, sometimes pretending to be joking?  The first time it happens, you are being disobedient to a command.  It will become a life-long pattern if you do not stop and make a deliberate vow to encourage your husband.
As women,  we cannot fatham how much our respect means to our husband. In the same way that love is what women desire, guys must feel respected. You can criticize me and I will go on with life, but if you don't love me, I will do anything to earn that love.  Flip that with husbands.  If they do not feel respect, the love they feel for you will be damaged.
Sometimes wives do not respect the amount of money that their husbands earn.  Even though we do not openly speak it, we show it by spending too much money or even worse, complaining about our homes or cars, giving the impression that our husband is not providing the standard of living that we deserve. I cringe when I hear a wife criticizing their husband's brains, looks, work habits, or even some personal habits. You talk to the Lord about it, but not others.
One of the smartest things you can ever do is be your husband's biggest fan, especially in front of your family. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT share your husband's faults with your mom or other family member.  Long after you have forgiven them, your mom will remember what you said about him  (quote from a dear friend).
Unless you really make up your mind to respect, honor and encourage your husband, you will always settle for less in your marriage and your husband will not reach his full potential in Christ, which means that he will not be the husband you have desired.
Tomorrow in my blog, I will ask Mark to help me to discuss the husband's roll in marriage. Guys, you did not think you got off the hook, did you?