She is up before dawn...are you kidding?

Preparing for each day, Cooking for a family

"She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants." Proverbs 31:15(NIV)

"She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day." (The Message )

I am really intimidated by this one. Cooking is such an annoyance to me. My mom was a first class caterer and she is still the most unbelievable cook at age 80(in May). However, she was always a little critical when I tried to cook (sorry mom, you were) so I developed a dislike for cooking. When I got married and then had two hungry boys, I developed my own style of cooking. I kept it very simple and I still do. This is not Biblical advice…just my advice. I keep it very simple! When the boys were young, I had a calendar on the refrigerator that listed the meals for the month. It made shopping easier and the decision was made when it came time for dinner. I cooked things that I knew that my family liked that were easy to make like spaghetti or oven baked chicken. Today the main, main reason that I keep it simple is the most important…weight management! I struggle with my weight and always will. However, I am more successful when our meals are kept to a routine of steamed vegetables, grilled meal, stir fry, all vegetable meals (Mark’s favorite night)…you get the picture. I am going to go out on a limb and say this…when the world is eating fast foods and huge portions, run the other way. Have a discerning heart in what to cook. God certainly cares about what we eat!!!

To prepare for the day is like getting yourself prepared for any event. I know women whose middle name is "prepare." They can prepare for a dinner party, a job, a family vacation, even a marathon. They are the type of woman whose gift is being able to think through all of the things that they will encounter and plan for it. They do not get "caught off guard" very often. This kind of person intimidates me and I think this is one reason why women think they can never achieve the high standards of Proverbs 31.
However, I am thinking that this Proverbs woman prepares in a different way. To prepare for a successful day means to start it by admitting that you are not capable of handling all the day will hold. We are not able to physically, emotionally or spiritually handle everything all the time. Many years back, God showed grace and mercy to me by getting me to see the importance of spending time each morning in the Word and in prayer. He prepares me by getting me to depend on Him and not myself to handle the day.

Many women get caught up thinking that if they get up earlier, work harder, and complete a checklist that they can be prepared for anything. This is simply not true. Satan would have us believe that we can handle life with little or no prayer, but loads of hard work and confidence. So when we cannot seem to handle the meals, the shopping, and the cleaning …Satan accuses us of not being good enough. Well, we are not good enough. This is why Christ died for us.
Start the day on your knees, acknowledging that you need Him to be the woman you need to be today. I wanted to turn this around and give help on how to organize your time, your priorities, your meals, etc. But every time I would think about it, I felt like the Lord stopped me from doing that. Preparing ourselves for the day is really about preparing our hearts to listen, to discern the Holy Spirit’s voice, to be obedient if He calls you off-task to do something different. Being off-task would not be allowed on some of our checklists. I am not saying that this gives us permission to be lazy all day and be unprepared to run our household. On the contrary, God would not lead us to do that if our desires line up with His. Start the day with the exquisite pleasure of spending time with your heavenly Father who knows what you will face today and will help you prepare for it.

P.S.  I feel compelled to add to this topic.  The saints that go unnoticed in this area are the single moms or dads. If you are in this category, my heart goes out to you.  I sat here for so long, trying to find words to bring strength.  I wanted to bring encouragement. Wow, I am inadequate. I am thankful that God is adequate to meet EVERY need that you have. Do not, even for a second, allow Satan to lie to you and tell you that you just cannot do this without a mate.  Let finding a mate be a separate category for prayer, not the answer to the your need of help with running your household.

Being Productive, Organization

(v. 17, 27) Being Productive, Organization

"She sets about her work vigorously;her arms are strong for the task."  v. 17

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."  v. 27

I thought and prayed about this one for awhile. I kept getting stuck with the face that my role models are not necessarily the most organized and productive women. Then it hit me...the role model for us can never be the Proverbs 31 woman. It will always be Jesus. So I thought about his life and what does it say to us about productivity and organization. He packed more into a day than any of us could ever hope to do. What were His secrets, not the woman’s secrets?
For starters, he is the only person to walk the earth that ever totally understood his purpose. Think about that. Wow! We can never hope to achieve that. However, we must seek God’s face constantly, daily, hourly...asking Him “what is my purpose for today, for my family, for my job?” Consider a previous blog that I wrote about the need for a focused life; a life's vision. 

    Jesus was on his way to save the dying son of the leader of the local synagogue, when a woman who had been bleeding for many years touched his garment and was healed. He stopped. He asked who had touched him. He spoke to her. We can’t organize our day to the point where we do not stop and minister to the person who God placed in our path.
He withdrew to pray. This secret cannot be overemphasized. Our productivity depends on the amount that we pray. If prayer is a one minute sentence on the way to work, we will not be very productive for that day, no matter how many tasks we accomplish.

   That being said, I constantly pray for God to make my brain organized for the tasks I will face today. I do not allow procrastination to creep into my life. Think back to our example of Jesus, he never procrastinated. When his father told him to do something, he did it immediately. I try to finish what I start and not leave the task until later. Another principle backed up by scripture.

    When God calls us to a job, we do not quit. When we get discouraged, we persevere. How many times in our home are we tempted to stop because a job got too big, too hard? The other secrets to being organized can be better stated by a truly organized person. I do not see that as my strength. I hate calendars. I hate a checklist. I do what I have to do to survive the day. But keep in mind; do not let your goal be organization. Instead let your goal be to become more Christ-like.

    For years, Mark and I used Calendar Creator. Mark and I would sit down the last day of the month and we would brainstorm everything we knew was happening that month, especially birthdays. That calendar was posted on the refrigerator. It included the weekly menus. Keep in mind that I needed it to be simple and so the menus did not vary that much. It only took about 30 minutes. Mark tries to keep me organized with my iphone and his iphone. I miss Calendar Creator, but also the season of life I was in.
I love my filing system. It helps me organize all my papers. We bought premade file tabs from The Container Store. I bought all the file folders and stuck on the labels that I needed. I try to file as often as possible. This system enables me to find everything that would be lost on my desk if I had not invested in this system. I could not survive without it. The hard part for me is the decision anxiety. Once I have plans made, I am more successful in implementing the plan.

   When reading these verses in Proverbs, keep in mind that God's plans for our lives are not to be a machine, moving through the day with precision and no wasted movements.  God's plan is to produce for the kingdom, not produce for the sake of producing.

when life is not perfect

Sometimes marriage disappoints...
My sweet baby sister, Judy-Bug, was talking about my blog.  You know how sisters know you better than anyone else?  She suggested that I tell about times when Mark and I struggle.  I totally agree.  When I wrote my last blog, I was not speaking to Mark because I was so mad at him.  Sometimes when I can't stand the sight of Mark, I type all my thoughts.  Once when I did this, I made a list of all the reasons I was mad.  Then I wrote "reasons why I love Mark."  Underneath, I typed in large, red font "Nothing. I do not like anything about you today!"  I felt a lot better.  I showed it to him the next morning so he would know how I felt.  By the time, he had read the 28 things that I did not like about him and then read that I did not like anything about him(in large, red font)...well, I fell out laughing because I thought that maybe he may have a list about me.
Favorite sayings  are "Mark, I have not had a happy day since college!"  Really?  Another famous saying is when I kept asking for a "knife"  and Mark finally yelled "I can't help it if you don't have a "life." I meekly responded that I was not asking for a "new life."  I just wanted a knife to cut my meat.
Sometimes when we are arguing and we decide to pray about it, I feel that there is no hope.  But God always, always restores our joy.  Always!  I realize that there are people reading this blog that feel like if they had a sweet, kind husband then they would do what the Bible says about wives.  It does not work that way.  You cannot say, "God, I will be faithful to your commands WHEN you change my husband."  We must say to God, "I will be faithful, whether or not I know the outcome. 
I can remember in college when Mark asked a gorgeous girl to be his date to Homecoming.  I was not that gorgeous girl.  I was devastated!!!  I cried my eyes out for two days.  Then I drew a line in the sand and said "I will trust you no matter what the outcome of our relationship."  I wanted the trust to be in place first.

resourcefulness

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.

(v.13, 19, 22, 24) Being Creative and Resourceful

I love this one. Do not be intimidated by the stuff this woman does.  Every verse in the Bible has a principal behind it. I believe these verses are encouraging us to be resourceful.  I do not think many people would call themselves creative and resourceful. Society has taken the fun and creativity out of our homes. The best part of my training to be a wife and mom was the early years of our marriage. Since Mark and I are both teachers, we were a little on the poverty side.:):):) When the boys were born, we decided that I would stay home for a few years. Unbelievable and so awesome. I am convinced that God wants us to be resourceful!

 The answer to every question about a purchase was always no. But the joy in discovering how to make do was worth the journey. I will give you examples of how this has stayed with me...my favorite plants are the ones I have taken a cutting and grown it myself. More than half my plants are not bought. A store-bought plant is not as special.

My favorite furniture is the 65 year old bedroom furniture that Mark's mom and dad bought when they were first married. Mark and I refinished it and it is gorgeous. Since we did not have money for a kitchen table when we first married, I asked my mom and mother-in-law to save up all our gifts they would have given us and donate to the table fund. That 33 year old table is my prized possession!

Mark and I got used to never being able to afford a movie or eat out so now we are so much more content even though we can do that now. We used cloth diapers(easier than you think) and I nursed the boys and saved a ton of money on diapers and formula. We drove old cars and took vacations to see family. We could not afford to make a minimum payment on anything so we did not even have a credit card. The lessons I learned then were invaluable to our marriage.

Mark and I don't have such a longing for material things because we were so happy without them Develop a sense of contentment. Try to find ways to not spend money. Creativity and resourcefulness are the products of not conforming to the world.

I have this rebellious nature about the world...if the world does it one way, I will rebel and go the other way. When you get married and have a family, the world will tell you that you will only be happy if you take the kids to Disney world, drive a nice car, have a gorgeous home,etc. If you have the money, do it! But if you do not, push it out of the head! Your brain is made to be creative. You are smart enough not to fall for that. Be resourceful. God gave us the ability to problem-solve.

I wish this for every young couple...to have to do without things and learn to enjoy it. I am a little sad for the young couples who start off with everything.  What do they have to look forward to? Later on when you do have a little more money, it won't have such a hold on you and you can give it away a little easier.

This is 33rd anniversary picture...

 

worth repeating

This is so crazy.  About 3 or 4 years ago, a precious young friend of mine asked me to write some advice for her about marriage.  I asked her if she kept a copy of my answer and she sent this to me.  I haven't changed much in the way that I felt about these Biblical principals.  They have been my standard for many years. These words bear repeating.  Not because I said them but because this is God's word.

(v.11-12) Being a Trustworthy wife
I am thinking of ways that Mark can trust me.
a) financially. A wise wife will spend according to their income. Many a wife will coax her husband to spend more than what they can afford so she will have nice clothes, car, house. Our husbands depend on us to have a contentment in all things, just like the apostle Paul. This also makes our husbands feel like we respect his job and his income. Never let your husband feel like he does not make enough to support you in the way you want to live. I can talk about that one awhile.

b)gossip. Never talk about your husband's weakness to anyone else, unless it is a professional couseling situation. Especially do not talk to your parents about his weakness. You are the PR person for your husband. Represent him to the world as the most wonderful gift that God has given you. He will love you so much for that.

c) sexually. This is a topic that may not be made clear to young wives so I want to get it out in the open. Your husband will trust you to meet his needs sexually. So be faithful to that. Obviously, do not have an inappropriate friendship with a guy. But more than that...have sex when your husband needs to have sex. You won't understand ever how he feels about sex. Men are mysteries to me in that area. But I want Mark to trust me that I will do everything to fulfill that need for him. He will love you forever if you let him know he can trust you to meet that need for him.

d)respect. Your husband needs to trust you that you are going to respect him even when he does not feel like he is worthy of your respect. Think about the reverse...don't you want him to love you even when you do not feel worthy of being loved? Respect your husband out of obedience to God's word. This may be the hardest thing to do.

I wrote her several other things and I will blog about the others, as well.

Trust

"Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it." (Proverbs 31:11) I think of all the attributes that we can ascribe to wives, trust must top the list.  Our husbands must trust in us fully.  Again, we are not negotiating that he has to earn our trust.  God wrote that our husbands can trust us.
I have thought of many things our husbands must trust us with. I think the most important area is that he will trust us to love the Lord more than him.  Mark does not need to constantly remind me to read my Bible and pray.  He trusts that I am growing in the Lord everyday. He does not want to be put on a pedestal and expected to be everything.  He wants the Lord to be my everything.
 Mark needs to trust me that I will take care of his needs.  This is a tricky topic.  Our culture has clouded the roles with husband and wives in the home.  I researched the Bible to see what it actually says about this. I could not find anything definitive about women doing all the cleaning, cooking and housework, much to Mark's dismay.  Therefore, this will be our situation, not a law.  I generally do all the cooking and housework.  I do not mind this arrangement.  Therefore in our house, Mark trusts me to cook and take care of his laundry.  In your marriage, your husband may trust you to cut the grass, if that is your arrangement. Just do not be a lazy wife that our mate cannot depend on.
Our husbands need to trust us that we will spend within our means.  For us, this means that when I know we can't afford something, I do not need to beg for it.  What I have noticed in our marriage is that if I really would like to spend money on an item, Mark would move heaven and earth to get it.  This causes problems.  I can sway Mark to buy something that we cannot afford and do not need.  Mark needs to trust me that I will not make him feel guilty that we cannot buy something. 
Next is the R-rated area.  I believe that our husbands need to trust us that we will meet his sexual needs.  The world bombards our husband's vision with scantly clad women, magazine covers. billboards, TV commercials, etc.  Sex sells everything.  I realize that you could argue that our husbands need to guard his eyes.  That is another blog.  But I know that we are trusted with a fragile role in meeting our husband's needs and the Bible is clear about this issue.  I Cor 7:5, states that we do not hold back from giving to our spouse unless we are fasting or by mutual consent. This is a wise command from God because He knows what makes for a  healthy marriage.
I am totally naive on what goes on in other marriages in the area of sex.  Again, I am totally focusing today on wives, not husband's role.  However, I was researching this topic and it was so sad to see all the confused wives who do not see a need for sex.  This is another non-negotiable. I certainly realize that you could come up with a million reasons why this does not apply to your marriage.  Your husband is selfish, your husband is lazy, your husband does not understand how tired you are, your husband does not help with the kids or the laundry, etc. I can imagine me standing in front of God in the future and explaining that I was not obedient because my husband did not cut the grass. It is not going to fly.
In the big picture, we are talking about how can we be obedient and build healthy marriages.  This is a healthy marriage requirement.  When we are obedient, we are allowing God to work in our husband's heart.  It is not in reverse.  We do not wait until he works in our husband's heart before we are obedient.
Because I am talking to single women as well as married, I must add that your husband will trust that you kept yourself pure for him.  If you have not done this, the good news is that there is abundant forgiveness for your past.  Another blog topic.
One last, painful area.  Our husbands trust that we will stay beautiful for him. Do I need to back that up with a Bible verse?  Quit making up excuses why you do not wear make-up, do not exercise, do not watch what you eat.  I am so far from perfect, but I am always on the next diet:) I know that I sound like a know-it-all on the subject of marriage.  I must stress that my marriage is so far from perfect.  However, without question, when I am obedient to anything stated in God's word, God just absolutely delights me. When I am more in love with God, I am more in love with Mark.
This picture says it all:)  I am dancing with the one I love!!!

noble women

I am wanting to continue in my marriage thoughts.  I want to share more about the role of a wife in marriage.  I am going to use some scripture from Proverbs.  I have read many lessons, blogs, and devotionals on these famous passages of scripture. While I will remain true to the scripture, I want to share things that I have learned from thinking about these verses and applying them to my marriage.

Starting with Proverbs 31:10, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."

The connotation is that a wife with strong character is a rare find, not an everyday occurrence. She is worth far more than rubies. Let's start with the ruby part.  I do not know a lot about rubies.  I googled "rubies" and I was shocked to discover that a clear, transparent, and faultless ruby with a uniform deep red color is at the present time the most valuable precious stone known!  The writer of Proverbs is stating that when we are a noble woman, our value is immeasurable to our husband.  We are more valuable to our husband than any other thing. That is a tall order.  Let's talk about the word noble and see if we have a prayer:) The definition of noble is a person of noble birth or rank; imposing; magnificent; of an exalted moral character or excellence.  Did you see what I saw?  Nobility has something to do with our birth.  To be born a son or daughter of a king gives us qualities of exalted character or excellence.  We act different when we a part of a noble heritage. I don't know about you, but I know that I act different when I realize that my Saviour is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  I will hold my head up a little higher when I remember that my Father owns the "cattle on a thousand hills."  I need to be reminded that in Psalms 45:11, "The king is enthralled by my beauty." I could go on and on but the point is that when I act like the daughter of the King, I will be a wife of noble character. In Proverbs 12:4, "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."  The highest challenge for me, the life-long challenge for me is to be a wife of noble character. Notice that I am not doing this for my benefit, but for Mark's benefit.  I cannot do this to receive anything.  Mark is the one that walks around wearing a crown.  We need to know this from the beginning.  Remember a couple of blogs ago, I warned you that marriage is not what you think and yet it is so much better than you think. Continue with that verse.  "A disgraceful wife is like decay to his bones." Some versions state that a disgraceful wife is like cancer.  Strong words but you can you see the truth in them.  We all know someone who is so negative and ungrateful that she causes her husband to slump his shoulders a little more everyday under the weight of her poison comments. My desire for Mark is to see him grow, not see him decline.  In Proverbs 18:22,"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."  Again this last promise is all about Mark and what I can add to his life.  I can be his highest joy on this earth, his greatest blessing.  A blessed, happy husband who thinks, even in a small way, that I am a good thing that God gave him is a man that I will love being married to.  I want Mark to feel that God has "favored" him with a wife and not cursed him with a weight to carry around for the duration. Begin today to become a woman of "noble character." Immerse yourself in the word to grow in your knowledge of your nobility.  Speak often to the Father to deepen your relationship with Him. Walk proudly and boldly before the throne of grace and ask him to transform your thinking if it is skewed about who you are.  The verse that says "Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you,"  means that you have to be seeking God before you seek the husband you are praying for. Tomorrow I have a R rated blog. Women only need to read my blog for awhile:)

Guest blogger today!

Three years ago, I blogged about the incredible transformation of my son, Luke.  God did such a work in my heart when my husband and I went through a period of 6 years of Luke's rebellion and subsequent depression.  It was a turning point in my prayer life.  Luke gave me permission to put one of his emails on my blog.  Not only is it compelling in its message, but it validates the power of God to dramatically change a life. Here are Luke's words.

"Mom,

Alright so the purpose of the list is that we don't lower the historical standard of adulthood simply because we have largely failed as a nation of producing adults.

So with this list in mind, begin to think less about how old someone is and more about maturity. I want to move away from the term  "immature adults"  because that I believe is an oxymoron. Maturity is the mark of adulthood, not age.

Also, I think all of these are necessary for the continuing success of a society as well as that of a nation seeking righteousness and following God's laws and when they fade so does that nation, but these are all biblical standards anyways. The very foundation of a successful society is found in biblical principles of living.

1. Hard work. As a teenager we loved sleep and aimless living. Hard work is critical to becoming an adult. Our current over-emphasis of lawsuits, the corporate theft, and the increasing frustration seen in the Wall Street movement is a result of this point. The ridiculous misuse of the legal system with lawsuits is derived from the "make a quick buck" thinking. The insider trading happens because when you work hard it leads to a profit but it takes longer and sometimes is not as much as we want. When hard work is not a value in your life, you will throw off simple societal restraint in order to get ahead by doing less. Also this "Occupy Wall Street nonsense... quit complaining without a vision and get a job.

2. Be Reliable. This includes being on time and doing what you say you will do. Right now my generation is in the middle of a crisis and everyone is so afraid of commitment that it will continue to get worse. To expect someone to do what they say they will do is more than reasonable. It is the only way things actually get done. To expect someone to be on time and do what they are supposed is critical for a business, school, government, etc. to actually make progress. Not paying bills on time (I understand people lose their jobs and such things happen) but the outstanding debt of our nation and so many bankruptcy's are a mark of immaturity. This is a non-negotiable part of being an adult.

3. Be Reasonable. Be a little patient with people. Think outside of self preservation for 30 minutes a week(I understand this will take some time for most of us). Don't be angry all the time because it rubs off on people. It's amazing the insanity of angry people because they openly admit to having a bad temper, but refuse to actually self-examine why they are mostly mad. They continue to do the same thing and expect a different result.

4. Correction. To be an adult you must be able to receive correction and be able to give it. Our nation has the most "thin-skinned chip on a shoulder attitude" about getting corrected. It's becoming more and more common that instead of receiving correction and improving, we get mad, avoid that person, gossip about them, hold a grudge against them. This attitude shows no prejudice with regard to that person being your boss, your spouse, your parent, etc. This is increasingly alarming. Fights have begun breaking out after basketball games. I think I have read of three or four different ones around the nation in the past two weeks. It is because you have a society that largely doesn't have any respect for anything anymore and this includes our legal system and common compassion. Adults are supposed to be able to give correction. Try and imagine how Ben and I would turn out if we never received correction growing up. That's exactly what is happening right now, with kids left to decide what morality is to them with no actual moral guide.

5. Mentor. Take an active role in the generation below yours. If we just did this one, these other four would never have had to be on the list. However, this was neglected. These first four points have largely been thrown off. Whether you invest into your own kids, or other kids that are in your sphere of influence, helping to instill mature values is critical in young ages for forming healthy competent adults.

That's my list.  I think these are the markers of what an adult looks like. Notice a couple of things.  They do not have anything to do with education, monetary success, social standing, etc. I think these apply for every single class of society. Love you so much mom, and I am so thankful for the values that you and dad taught,but more so you modeled them day after day for decades and set a standard of consistency that I hope to follow. Let me know your thoughts. "

That is my younger son, Luke. I love my sons so much!!!Maybe I can get Ben to do a guest blog...

husband-marriage

Yesterday I left off with a promise to try to write to any males in my blogging audience. I am most assuredly not qualified to speak about the topic of being a great husband.  However, I can tell you the things about Mark that make me fall more in love with him everyday.

In  Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting.  For Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring out the best in her.".” In Ephesians 5:23 it states "The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing."  Wow, a tall order!  It seems unattainable. I don't feel worthy of that kind of love. Come to think of it, I don't feel worthy of Christ's love either. What a gift of grace.

I believe the secret to being this kind of husband is to spend his life trying to know Christ better.  I am not sure how a husband can love his wife exactly the way Christ loves if he does not know Christ.  That is what Mark has tried to do over our 33 years of marriage.  He has tried to know Christ more deeply so in turn he understands how to love me more deeply.

Mark's love is characterized by giving...except during a football game:) Mark fights for me.  Husband can't fight for their wives on their terms or give on their terms.  Mark has to fight for me in ways that matter to me.  He tries to serve me in a way that shows he understands what is important to me, not necessarily to him. 

 Mark sits on the couch with me every morning and prays with me.  He makes my coffee everyday and brings my coffee mug filled each morning. He dances with me when the slow song plays at the end of the movies. He provides leadership, but in a humble way.

I believe that Mark has been a great role model to our sons and more importantly our sons know Christ and put him first in their life, In turn, they are the best husbands! I love to see how my sons are devoting their lives to bringing out the best in my daughter-in-laws.

Mark says that this is not my strongest blog because I am talking too much about him. However, this is just who he is. I am married to an awesome guy!

wives-marriage

Wow, I feel like my first blog on marriage was a shock to some. I stripped away the fairy tale view that is prevalent in our society. The view that our marriage will complete us, will bring us affirmation, will cure our loneliness and will have a fairy tale ending. However, remember I wanted to tell you some truths about marriage, not myths. The incredible thing about knowing the truth is that it does free us and our spouse to really enjoy a healthy marriage. You will have a more fulfilling marriage than you would have dreamed. God does not invent something as high priority as marriage and then let it be a disappointment. The problem is that we have to do it His way, not our way.

As I stated in my blog, I am looking forward to writing about marriage. I am more in love with Mark than I have ever been in my life. He is the “love of my life.” As I promised the things I will share will have nothing to do with Mark or I. The answers are found in God’s word and they are nonnegotiable. We cannot follow them when we feel like we think they make sense or when they are easy or when they are convenient.

Without further digressing, I will talk about one of those nonnegotiables. In Colossians 3:18, it states “Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honors the Master.” (The Message version) It follows in verse 19, “Husbands go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.”

As a wife, one of the most difficult things to learn is how to respect your husband,  Especially in the early years of marriage, you will struggle with truly encouraging your husband because when he makes a mistake your first response will not be to respect him.  That is a natural response.  However, we are not talking about a natural response, but a supernatural response.  You cannot say "But God, he is not worthy of my respect today because of ___(fill in the blank).  How often have you heard a wife make a disrespectful remark about her husband, sometimes pretending to be joking?  The first time it happens, you are being disobedient to a command.  It will become a life-long pattern if you do not stop and make a deliberate vow to encourage your husband.

As women,  we cannot fatham how much our respect means to our husband. In the same way that love is what women desire, guys must feel respected. You can criticize me and I will go on with life, but if you don't love me, I will do anything to earn that love.  Flip that with husbands.  If they do not feel respect, the love they feel for you will be damaged.

Sometimes wives do not respect the amount of money that their husbands earn.  Even though we do not openly speak it, we show it by spending too much money or even worse, complaining about our homes or cars, giving the impression that our husband is not providing the standard of living that we deserve. I cringe when I hear a wife criticizing their husband's brains, looks, work habits, or even some personal habits. You talk to the Lord about it, but not others.

One of the smartest things you can ever do is be your husband's biggest fan, especially in front of your family. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT share your husband's faults with your mom or other family member.  Long after you have forgiven them, your mom will remember what you said about him  (quote from a dear friend).

Unless you really make up your mind to respect, honor and encourage your husband, you will always settle for less in your marriage and your husband will not reach his full potential in Christ, which means that he will not be the husband you have desired.

Tomorrow in my blog, I will ask Mark to help me to discuss the husband's roll in marriage. Guys, you did not think you got off the hook, did you?  

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Meditations on Marriage

I promised to write about marriage and to tell the truth, I almost chickened out.  After all, it is like opening myself to criticism and anger from people that disagree.  However, from the beginning I will set up the parameters of this advice.  This will not be about divorce. It will be about marriage.  There is a big difference.  I am sure there are plenty of blogs and books about divorce.  This will not be one of those. 

Secondly, I am determined to only quote the ultimate truth, God's word,  not my opinion. That being said, I will jump right in.

As I said, last night I thought to myself "why did I set myself up to write about marriage?"  No other relationship causes so much grief and yet promises so much joy. Correct that...having kids is much the same.  You just cannot divorce your kids:)  Due to my determination to speak truth, I prayed earnestly that God would give me the words to say.  It was no surprise this morning, that the very scripture passage I read dealt with marriage. I am not kidding.  I smiled and thought "God, this is so you."

In Matthew 18: 2-12, it tells the story of the Pharisees asking Jesus if divorce was okay.  He stated the much quoted line that we hear so often at marriage ceremonies, "What God has put together, let no one separate." The disciples remarked that if this is the situation, then it is better not to marry. Jesus then replied with an often overlooked statement. "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to who it has been given." In the Message version, it says "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life.  It requires a certain aptitude and grace.  Marriage is not for everyone."

Okay, put your guns away.  I am only quoting what the Bible says.  I believe that this is the first, and most important, advice I would give about marriage.  Enter into marriage with the idea that NO MATTER WHAT you will hang in there. Now here is where you can go back to the beginning of this blog and listen to this blog as it speaks about marriage and not divorce.  Get past what you have done in the past and focus on what the future will be like. 

I wonder if Jesus said that because he knew that marriage would be about sanctification, not about affirming how wonderful you are because someone chose you to spend their life together.  God does not waste anything.  There are no relationships, jobs, suffering or even obstacles that he does not use to sanctify you.  Go into marriage with this in mind.  God will use the marriage relationship to humble you and show you how selfish you are.  He will use marriage to show you how we are all wretched sinners in need of a Savior.  Our first thought will be that our spouse is a wretched sinner and that we were mislead into thinking they were perfect.  If we are wise, we will quickly come to the conclusion that we are ALL wretched sinners and that our spouse is discovering that we were not perfect either.  Accept that this discovery as the beginning of our great adventure with marriage.  Don't be shocked.  We were warned in Matthew 18: 11. 

I am asking this humbly.  Please refer this blog to someone who is contemplating marriage.  I am asking that God will change the divorce rate, maybe by slowing down the marriage rate.  I am the biggest fan in the universe on marriage!  However, let's go into marriage with a correct perspective.  It is not about building you up, making you feel good about yourself.  God has much different and bigger plans than that. 

Love of My Life

My husband is Superman.  He is an anomaly, according to our son, Ben.   An anomaly is a  deviation from the common rule; something different, abnormal, peculiar, or not easily classified. I am not exaggerating.  I put his link to his website to the right of my blog. At age 57, he can do amazing things that 20 year olds can't do.  Because I am used to him and his ways, I forget that everybody's husband is not like Mark.
 As you can tell from my blogs, I am the opposite of Mark. I am a pathetic example of a physically fit person.I can walk without tripping and that is about it. No other athletic ability. He likes to drink Shakeology.  I like to eat real food. He likes football seaon so much that he almost cries when it somes to an end. He told me one time that if something happened to me, he could almost make it as long as it was football season.  I jump for joy when the season is finally over. So how do we make it work?  
That is what I want to write about for awhile.  No more talk about my diet or lack of dieting. Just things that I have learned over the past 33, almost 34, years of marriage. The simplicity may surprise you and it certainly will not have anything to do with the cleverness of Mark and Pat.  No way. Stay tuned and mention this blog to your married friends or friends that are wanting to get married.

Meltdown

Okay, after 12 days on a perfect diet plan, complete with exercise, the worse happened. I stepped on the scales and I had gained 2 pounds! So I did what most of us would do, I threw that diet out the window, did not go to the gym and stayed mad. What is the correct response to utter failure?
We all experience disappointment in ourselves when we do the exact opposite of what we wanted to change. We quit our diets, we spent money that we shouldn’t have sent, we did not keep up with our plan to study the Bible on a daily basis, etc. We may have made promises to ourselves to break a cycle of sin that has brought us shame and condemnation.
Our response is human. We want to give up. We need to recognize that we were expecting an instant, miraculous change. Think about what the scripture tells us in Hebrews. (Hebrews 12:1) "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us," Because I am not a runner, I missed that lesson on running. Runners seem to train with patience. They do not expect to run a respectable race the first day out. They have the mentality that they will train until they can run a race and then they train some more. They see the big picture. A race does not end their training. It may be a marker to measure their progress but it is not an end in itself
. My diet is usually like this…I will diet until I lose “x” amount of pounds or fit into a certain size and then I am done. I struggle to see it as a life change. I will not ever eat like that again. The word “quit” should not be in my vocabulary. In Galatians 6:9, it states, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Today was a new start. God loves to give us new starts.

I guess since it is my blog, I can change topics again, right? I was thinking today about my new goal of eating healthy and exercising. I am actually doing quite well. Shock! Of course, it has only been 10 days into the New Year. I am forcing my car to drive to the gym this week and ride the treadmill. The reward is that I read a book while I am exercising. The purpose of this blog today, in case it helps even one person, is to analyze why I think I am being successful. The biggest reason is because I am allowing accountability in my life. Do you have any idea of the power of accountability? In 1 Thessalonians 5:11 it says "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “It is better to have a partner than go it alone. If one falls down, the other helps. But if there's no one to help, tough. By yourself you are unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope is not easily snapped." We tend to want to keep our goals a secret. Obviously if we fail, there is no face to lose if we have not shared our goal. I ask my students to send me 5 goals for the second semester of school. I also ask them to mention the person that will hold them accountable for that goal. It increases the chances of their success if they have asked someone to hold them accountable. If one of your goals is to get out of debt in 2012, the last thing you want to do is to admit to a trusted friend the amount of debt you may have. However, the power of partnering with another person to conquer that debt would be amazing. If my goal is to begin to have a quiet time of reading the Bible and praying every day, I need to let another friend know this. Maybe a goal for someone might be to start a blog! Tell a friend to nag you. Allowing accountability is like opening the windows and allowing lots of sunlight to enter your house. Let the sun (Son) hit every room this week!

Revaluate

Since it’s officially the end of week one of 2012, it is a great time to assess the damage. If you set goals, how did it go? If things have already fallen apart, ask yourself why. Were your goals unrealistic? Was it really a goal of yours? I know that sounds strange, but sometimes our goals are not consistent with our core values. If that is the case, then something needs to change…either our goals or our values! It may help to go back to square one and define what do you really value, not what you give lip service to. My last blog talked about writing a life vision. If you completed exercise one and are still unsure about what your vision is, try to complete exercise two. What do you want to true at 40? 50? 60? Once again, I am giving examples of what I put. I could be on a different planet from you but I think you can still get a lot from this exercise. At age 60, • I want a friendship with my family • Still have a pit crew that sharpens me(I hope I don’t run them off) • Meaningful prayer life • Know the Word of God(and apply it) • Give away a large % of my income. Be content to live on a small amount • Still having an exciting ministry, “not slowed down to retire” • Physically fit, so I can have the energy to serve. Do you need to revise your life vision? I think it is important to grow up and figure out that being an impact player in this world requires sacrifice, hard work, and discipline. But the reward is to look back with less regrets.

The Power of a Focused Life

My blog this week will take a different turn. I will return to my goal of healthy eating after I visit this new topic. Last summer I wanted to teach a Bible study and I asked my son, Luke, about ideas. He referred me to the International House of Prayer website. He suggested that I research the ideas on the Power of a Focused Life. I will share some things that I learned from a summer of research on this topic. First of all, we all need a life vision. In Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (KJV) “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint.”( NIV) Your vision statement or life vision serves as a compass to keep things going in the right direction. It helps you measure your progress, set goals, establish priorities, and know when to use one of the most important words in your vocabulary: No Make a life vision! Look at this in different ways. Start by writing down a short paragraph that summarizes your life’s vision. Whatever you have already written down, revise at the end of this exercise. You may revise it several times. On my next blog, I will give you another way to grade your life vision and revise it, if necessary. Exercise I. What would you want those who knew you to say about you at the end of your life? These are 5 suggested categories of people in your life. I included what I put, as a starting point. Person: God Statement: Loved me with all her heart, soul, and mind. Trusted me. Lived radically. Servant. Was about doing my work. Enjoyed being in my presence. Had a heart of gratitude. Joyful heart. Wanted to please me more than man. Person: Mark, Ben and Luke and extended family Statement: prayed about everything, humble, not vain, servant, consistent- acted the same around everyone, lived as she taught, (these are the hardest ones –they know me too well) Person: coworkers Statement: Not a complainer, added joy to faculty, hardest worker, encourage my coworkers, Person: friends that you socialize with (if different from job) Statement: was not afraid to be different, not a conformist, loved the Lord, really knew the Lord and had a vibrant relationship with him Person: ministry (young adults at church) Statement: she lived in such a way that I could see how to be a lover of Christ, understood the importance of prayer and reading the Word, she inspired me to want to trust God with everything After you complete these (and I hope they will take a long time), look at your life vision. Do you have a better idea of your life vision? If you are still with me, I will give you a different exercise on my next blog.

Quotes

Being married to a former football coach, I have been “blessed” to hear many quotes over our years of marriage. I guess coaches are just born to quote. Mark says things to me like “don’t count the score at halftime, babe.” He would say that a lot when our boys were teenagers. He used to tell our sons “get a plan and work the plan.” Needless to say, they would not always want to hear that lecture. He really likes to say “Fatigue makes cowards of us all,” one of the most famous quotes, attributed to Vince Lombardi. That quote is stuck in my mind the past couple of days. I have been sick. Fever, chills, sore throat…you name it. As a result, my courage is waning. I can’t go to the gym and exercise. My throat hurts too bad to swallow anything, much less anything healthy. However, I will roll with the punches. Another famous Mark Cooper saying is “Get bitter or get better.” Instead of being bitter about being sick, I can rejoice in the fact that I am almost never sick. I am so thankful for that. Better blogs to come!

Discourage vs Courage

Well by now many of us are getting discouraged about our goals for the year. They seemed so reachable 2 or 3 days ago and now they seem impossible. 1 Corinthians 16:13 says "Be on your guard; stand firm in your faith, be courageous; be strong." We should make note that the verse does not simply say to "be courageous." It starts by stating to "be on your guard." I do not know the first thing about being a soldier, but I think the courage of a solider has a lot to do with being on guard. A solider would be foolish to attempt to be courageous, without being on the lookout for things that would be dangerous. His courage comes from being informed and being smart about the dangers he will face. He will have a plan. Because I am trying to eat healthy, I will use that for my example. I will lesson my discouragement if I am on guard with the food or situations that will be my downfall. For example, I started this year with a specific "box" in mind of what I would allow myself to eat. If I did not put chips in my box, then I need to be on guard against chips being in front of me, surrounding me. The next part of the verse says to “stand firm.” To stand firm in my faith means that I will trust that God will give me a way to escape when confronted with a really bad food choice. Faith implies going all the way in your belief. This is not a job for sissies! No one ever promised us that changing a destructive habit would be easy. It takes courage. Obviously, we will face discouragement. But we do not have to stay in that mode. We CAN turn things around.

Long Day

I am not going to post everyday but I may need to express my failures and successes a little more often at first. I made it through yesterday, achieving all the small goals I had set. I do not think anyone would be interested in reading about what I eat everyday so I will simply say that yesterday seemed like the longest day! However, my motto kept coming throught my mind...I do not eat like that anymore. From a spiritual aspect, we need to realize that we are wretched sinners who are set free from the sin that so easily entangles us. In 1 Peter 2, it says to "Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves." Can we say outloud that overeating is a sin, to eat unhealthy is a sin, to eat fast food and junk food is a sin? Why...simply because of the ramifications of these actions. We put our health at risk. We put our ministry at risk. We may put our marriage at risk. We may be putting our future marriage at risk. Satan knows that he can accuse us the minute we do the very thing he has tempted us to do in the first place. In Christ there is no condemnation so that is not condemnation from him. The Holy Spirit convicts, not condemns. Big difference. One is the recipe to give up, while conviction brings hope that you can overcome that sin. Reading the Bible and praying were firmly in place for me in 2011, but this area of health was creeping out of balance. I will have to have a lot of accountability in this area to turn the ship around. Please use this blog as an area of accountability for you, if you desire. No judgement here if you feel that your devotional times are nonexistence. It would be amazing if this blog helps someone come to know Christ this year! As I stated yesterday, I am writing out of obedience, not because I want to show my weaknesses to the world. That is exactly why I quit writing 3 years ago. I could not stand to put my heart out there for people to read. It is too embarrassing. I read something about a month ago that made me want to start writing again. In 1st and 2nd Peter, you get the impression that these books were his swan song. He realized that he was probably going to die soon and wanted to say all that God had told him to say. Even though I do not feel like my time is close(hope not, I have a grandson to meet!), the devotional pierced my heart when it challenged me to do anything I had put off. What was I waiting for? Retirement? That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Debts paid? Pitiful reason. Some of us may say, "When I marry, I will have quiet times with my husband and be more committted." Really??? Whatever the reason we have used to put off living, it is time to write it down and light a match to it! I have a lot more to say, but I have to finish schoolwork:):):)

A New Start to This Blog and This Year

God has been prompting me for a long time to add to this blog. I just did not know how to pick it up after 6 months, then a year, then 2 years, then 3. So I decided that to simply be obedient and get going.
God has been faithful! He has been so faithful. As I start this new year, I have some areas that are screaming to be shared. If no one reads this blog, it really will not matter. I just want to be obedient to share some truths.
The main topics that are on my heart are being a Proverbs 31 woman, taking care of our bodies, and the power of a focused life. I am going to try to stay focused on those three areas.
Since it is New Year's Day, the one that is on my mind today is being more balanced. As I get older, I realize that my ministry will be more difficult if I am unhealthy in any area. If I allow my prayer life, my Bible study,and even my eating plan to get out of wack...my ministry will suffer. For the past couple of weeks I have tried to make changes to any area that needs tweaking. It is so hard to change! Yikes! I started a new Bible study plan to dig deep into the New Testament this year. If I spend a month on one verse, then I will allow myself to do that. For the past 33 years, I have read through the Bible every year. I am realizing that I need to slow down and let each verse change my life. As far as my prayer life...I want to keep on trusting and praying and having a heart of gratitude. Turn my thinking around as quick as I can when life gets rough and see things from an eternal perspective, not temporary.
Lastly, my eating and exercise are way out of balance. The past three days, I have fasted and prayed to get my head neutral and hear what God is wanting to teach me in this area. I will try to actually write more about this area because I want to be accountable to others. I am thankful that God is so patient with our shortcomings and failures. I believe that any efforts that we make to please Him are magnified 1000 times in his eyes. He is the perfect Father.
If you read this blog, two things are happening. You are thinking that you need to make courageous changes this year. I cannot imagine what your weak areas are. They are probably different than mine. However, the second thing that is happening is that the liar and accuser is already convincing you that you cannot change. Test the voice you are listening to. The only voice that is worth acknowledging is the voice of your Heavenly Father. What would He be speaking to your heart?
Lastly, I am a prayer and lover of people. If you need me to pray for you, I would be honored.