Final blog post

I am not sure if I have a "following" or not.  Maybe over this past year, I had a couple of people that were excited to read my thoughts. It is has been a ministry to me, that is certain.  When I am burdened with the desire to give someone advice, I just write out my thoughts and the burden lifts. When I am excited about something God showed me, I wrote it out as best I could. I have loved the way the world today lets you connect with people from all walks of life.
However, I have come to a time in my life where I am simply too busy to keep up with this blog.  I am an 8th grade math teacher(long hours), a young adult Sunday School teacher(aka parent to about 30 young adults), a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a terrible friend(always too busy to socialize)) a bike rider, a weight lifter(sort of) and most of all a lover of Jesus Christ. I evaluated my priorities and realized that something has to go. Maybe more than one thing.
Thanks for reading all my blogs.  If God spoke to you, I am thankful beyond words. Hopefully, I will see all of you in heaven one day and we can visit there. Until then, read God's word everyday and talk to him all day long.

Friendship Bread

It is about time I wrote a blog about Friendship Bread. Mark and I have been making this delicious stuff for 5 years and one month.  The reason I know the exact amount of time is because my sister, Cheryl, brought over a loaf of cinnamon bread the day before Ben and Lynn's wedding.  She was making sure we had enough food for our family that came for our son's celebration. To make a long story short, we fell in love with it and have been making it ever since.
If you don't know about this amazing bread, just google "Amish Friendship Bread." Mark and I have made cinnamon, chocolate chip, orange cranberry, chocolate peanut butter, chocolate mint, strawberry, banana nut, butterscotch, pumpkin and cookies and cream.  I am sure I have left out one.  The reason I would waste a blog on this is because making friendship bread is so much more than just ...making friendship bread.
I would have given it up long ago but Mark always wants to continue to make it.  You have to bake it every ten days.  You have to "feed" it on every 6th day.  My life revolves around this silly bread. Why would I agree to this? Glad you asked.
Mark and I have traditions that we try to keep even when we are tired. We go grocery shopping at  Walmart every Saturday afternoon.  We ride our bikes on Saturday.  We pray together in the same spot every morning. We definitely have that sign above our bed that says "Always kiss me goodnight." There are a lot of "always" in our marriage.  We always pray as soon as possible when we are angry with each other. That keeps me from committing murder and getting my name in the paper and vice versa:)
Making friendship bread together is a sign that we do not have to travel to Hawaii to celebrate our marriage. We can make bread together and sit on the back porch and it will be enough.   The system is simple.  Mark stirs. I put in the ingredients. In the background, we play Rascal Flatts.  Once the bread is in the oven, we practice our dancing.
When Mark holds out his arm to invite me to dance, it is a sign that we are okay. We are okay even if there is more month than money. We are okay even if our kids are struggling.  Most of all, we are okay if life seems dark and does not make sense.
Other great things about friendship bread is that we share a loaf of cinnamon right out of the oven with our 85 year old neighbor, Bill. He loves it and cuts a slice the minute we deliver.  We bring friendship bread to our Sunday School every Sunday morning. I bring friendship bread to my girl's advisory at school.  Only my advisory gets this treat because it makes them feel special from the other students. I have brought friendship bread to a neighbor who lost her husband. I have given friendship bread to so many people but our freezer always seems to have a loaf just when I need it.
Here is a link to making the bread.
http://www.momswhothink.com/bread-recipes/amish-friendship-bread.html
Here is the guy who makes bread with me:)

Marriage advice: Pray together

I have a cool statistic for you! Research shows that 1/2 Christian couples divorce which is shocking and terrible but when you research the couples who pray together 3-4 times a week that statistic changes from 1/2 to 1/1552! Prayer is SO IMPORTANT! Mrs. Cooper, you told us that on Sunday!

(This is a quote from one of my newly engaged young adults.)

Luke and Cherish Wedding Vows

I found this in an old file.  Luke and Cherish were married almost 5 years ago!  So thankful for what God is doing in their life.  Check out their adventures!
http://us5.campaign-archive1.com/?u=ebb22ab873ad73dc8cd203639&id=eb32c0a8ee&e=

Luke & Cherish Cooper’s

Wedding Vows

I promise to love first God and you second…

To lead with wisdom and the fear of the Lord

To serve patiently and listen with an open heart

To rebuke the devil and protect you with my life

To correct you gently with meekness

To forgive all your sins: past, present, and future

To stay committed to you

And to praise God no matter what

Until the seventh trumpet blows and Jesus returns!

My sons both love their wives!!! I am so thankful for them.

How much did Jesus forgive you for?

"How can I account for the people of this generation? They're like spoiled children complaining to their parents, 'We wanted to skip rope and you were always too tired; we wanted to talk but you were always too busy.' John the Baptizer came fasting and you called him crazy. The Son of Man came feasting and you called him a lush. Opinion polls don't count for much, do they? The proof of the pudding is in the eating." One of the Pharisees asked him over for a meal. He went to the Pharisee's house and sat down at the dinner table. Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him." Jesus said to him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Oh? Tell me." "Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?" Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
"That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal." (Luke 7:31, 36, 40, 41, 43 MSG)
How many sins did Jesus forgive you for? How thankful are you?

This is part five of the series "Power of a Focused Life." If you are just now reading the blog, you may want to go back and read parts 1-4.  I suggested on my last blog that you should keep a time log of all your activities for one week.  I have already done this last year and I discovered some interesting things about my use of time.

First of all, I did not spend nearly the time that I thought I did with the important people in my life. My relationship category was the smallest sliver of time in the particular week that I logged my activities.  I was shocked to see how little time I spent with the "love of my life." Red flag! One of my goals was to continue to develop my relationship with Mark. That takes time and I was not giving it many moments. Interestingly enough, I thought about this past week.  The same statistic held true.  Mark and I were like passing ships."

Secondly, I needed more rest.  I consistently got less than 8 hours of sleep every night, even though my intentions were good. I always vowed that the next night would be better. Lack of sleep feeds depression/anxiety issues in our lives.  Lack of sleep usually leads to excuses about having a quiet time the next morning. Lack of sleep also causes weight gain.  Yikes!  Mark always reminds me of a Vince Lombardi quote, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all."  I make terrible decisions when I am tired. Goals get thrown out the window. 

Lastly, and more importantly, the second largest category, aside from sleeping was...unaccounted for time.  Hmmn. I realize that you cannot account for every minute of everyday.  However, I think a bigger issue was at play.  I believe that I was wasting a lot of time.  I did not log Facebook time, Twitter time, sitting on the back porch time, etc.  There is not a thing wrong with having some unaccounted time. However, consider the words of Paul to the city of Ephesus:

Ephesians 5:15-17
"So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do." 

God created us to live like wise men, not foolish men. Foolish men spend hours on the News Feed of Facebook. Foolish men spend hours watching TV. Aggressive use of time will be needed is we are to accomplish all that God has planned for us. If we truly believe that we have lots of time to waste, we have decided that God did not plan very much for our life; that we are certainly not particularly valuable for the kingdom. Reread that last statement. Do you really want to shortchange yourself like that? Do you honestly believe  that God has big plans for others but not for you? To say "no" to things that are not in your life's vision is a wise thing.  To say "no" to things just because you want more free time is foolish.

Unscheduled time is usually made up of "good things" but not the "best things." Powerful essay by Charles Hummel on "The Tyranny of the Urgent"  talks about this very issue.  We let the other people crowd out the important things with their urgent agenda for us. Check out this essay.
http://my279days.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Tyranny-of-the-Urgent.pdf

Want to make a change, but feel overwhelmed? Get a plan.  Start by keeping the plan 50% the first week, then increase to 60% the next week, and so on.  You won't ever hit a 100%.  Interruptions are an important part of God's plan for you.  Jesus was walking on his way to heal the daughter of a very important man, a leader in the synagogue. He was stopped, interrupted we would say, by a woman who had internal bleeding for most of her life. Why would Jesus stop on the way to gain "name recognition" by healing the  the synagogue's daughter? Because he knew when to say "yes" and when to say "no." He knew when to throw his calendar out the window and when to keep his schedule.

Have you ever faced the challenge and the joy of planning your own hours?  Have you spent your life letting others plan your time for you?  Your boss? Your family? Your ministry at church? When will you begin to plan your schedule? Satan would like nothing more than for you to have a "pretty good life"  but not a "powerful life." Say "no" to a TV show this week and spend that time writing down a plan for how you would like to spend your time.  Or continue in the path you are on, promising yourself that you will "do this next week or this weekend or next summer" and tell our beautiful Creator that the TV show was more important somehow than living the abundant life he had wanted for you.

Important blog coming up.  If you kept a time log this past week,
I will discuss how to use your time
better next week. Even if you did not keep a log...check it out.

How to Maintain a Consistent Quiet Time

In John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. "

We read promises like this and we ask ourselves, "why do some people seem to enjoy a full life and I am plagued with doubts and setbacks?"  

This is similar to asking ourselves the question, "why am I overweight and out of shape?"  How are you fueling your body? What foods are going into your mouth on a consistent basis?  What exercises are you performing on a daily basis?  You know before asking those questions that the way you feed your body is the secret to your health issues. 

How do you feed your spiritual life?  Do you hunger and thirst for God's word?  Just like in the area of food, you can be so full of junk that you are not hungry for the healthier choices that your body needs. If you never eat fruits and vegetables, you do not have a taste for fruits and vegetables.  

Let's establish that many Christians really want to have a consistent quiet time spent with the Lord.  However, they just can't seem to be able to develop this habit in their own life. I want to humbly offer some ideas for beginning and maintaining a quiet time. 


Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.

You are probably wondering why I am using a Vince Lombardi quote about football right here.  Why is it that no one questions that success in the sports arena require perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority? But in the spiritual realm, we expect the abundant life without the same commitments. 

Okay, let's say that you are convinced that a change is needed. Let's agree that it is the most important thing that you can do. How do you begin? You need three W's.  When, Where and What.

When:  If someone walked up to you and asked you when is your quiet time, can you immediately answer? What Mark and I decided many years ago is a simple way to accomplish this. It is the first thing we do before___.  Fill in the blank.  We do this before we go to work.  I do not have a choice about going to work.  But before I go to work, I will spend at least 30 minutes studying the Bible and praying. On Saturdays, I will spend time feeding my soul before I exercise, eat breakfast, go shopping, etc.  Typically, on a work day, we will set our alarm based on how long would it take to get ready AND have a quiet time before we leave for work. Just add thirty minutes to the time it takes you to get ready.  You may already be thinking "I would have to go to bed earlier if I am going to wake up earlier." Yep, that has to be part of the plan. 

Where:  When I look at my love seat that faces my backyard, I equate that place as my place where I meet with God every morning.  When you know the location of your Bible study/prayer time, you will have everything you need nearby.  You will not have to search for your Bible, pen, paper, etc. In addition, you immediately settle in to the routine because your mind associates this as a special place. Notice that the place does not have to be fancy.  It is your spot!

What:  You can have a consistent time and place and still falter.  The "what" is a key component.  You need to decide what you will be doing during your time of study. Just like in the physical world, you could waste a lot of time trying to decide what exercises you will do in the gym. Or you could just "pre-decide." I am absolutely not suggesting that you take out the leading of the Holy Spirit in what scripture to study.  But to ensure your success in the beginning stages, I would decide ahead of time that you will be studying the book of John or The New Testament or the study of marriage. I spent the first 40 years, reading through the entire Bible each year.  Talk about stick-in-the-mud issues:).  When something works for Mark and I, we stick with it!

Take what you like from this blog.  Don't be legalistic.  You are not doing this to check a box or to earn God's favor. You are doing this to be connected to the living vine. Your health depends on it. Your life depends on it. 

How to Maintain a Consistent Quiet Time.

In John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. "
We read promises like this and we ask ourselves, "why do some people seem to enjoy a full life and I am plagued with doubts and setbacks?"  

This is similar to asking ourselves the question, "why am I overweight and out of shape?"  How are you fueling your body? What foods are going into your mouth on a consistent basis?  What exercises are you performing on a daily basis?  You know before asking those questions that the way you feed your body is the secret to your health issues. 

How do you feed your spiritual life?  Do you hunger and thirst for God's word?  Just like in the area of food, you can be so full of junk that you are not hungry for the healthier choices that your body needs. If you never eat fruits and vegetables, you do not have a taste for fruits and vegetables.  

Let's establish that many Christians really want to have a consistent quiet time spent with the Lord.  However, they just can't seem to be able to develop this habit in their own life. I want to humbly offer some ideas for beginning and maintaining a quiet time. 


Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.

You are probably wondering why I am using a Vince Lombardi quote about football right here.  Why is it that no one questions that success in the sports arena require perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority? But in the spiritual realm, we expect the abundant life without the same commitments. 

Okay, let's say that you are convinced that a change is needed. Let's agree that it is the most important thing that you can do. How do you begin? You need three W's.  When, Where and What.

When:  If someone walked up to you and asked you when is your quiet time, can you immediately answer? What Mark and I decided many years ago is a simple way to accomplish this. It is the first thing we do before___.  Fill in the blank.  We do this before we go to work.  I do not have a choice about going to work.  But before I go to work, I will spend at least 30 minutes studying the Bible and praying. On Saturdays, I will spend time feeding my soul before I exercise, eat breakfast, go shopping, etc.  Typically, on a work day, we will set our alarm based on how long would it take to get ready AND have a quiet time before we leave for work. Just add thirty minutes to the time it takes you to get ready.  You may already be thinking "I would have to go to bed earlier if I am going to wake up earlier." Yep, that has to be part of the plan. 

Where:  When I look at my love seat that faces my backyard, I equate that place as my place where I meet with God every morning.  When you know the location of your Bible study/prayer time, you will have everything you need nearby.  You will not have to search for your Bible, pen, paper, etc. In addition, you immediately settle in to the routine because your mind associates this as a special place. Notice that the place does not have to be fancy.  It is your spot!

What:  You can have a consistent time and place and still falter.  The "what" is a key component.  You need to decide what you will be doing during your time of study. Just like in the physical world, you could waste a lot of time trying to decide what exercises you will do in the gym. Or you could just "pre-decide." I am absolutely not suggesting that you take out the leading of the Holy Spirit in what scripture to study.  But to ensure your success in the beginning stages, I would decide ahead of time that you will be studying the book of John or The New Testament or the study of marriage. I spent the first 30 years, reading through the entire Bible each year.  Talk about stick-in-the-mud issues:) When something works for Mark and I, we stick with it!

Take what you like from this blog.  Don't be legalistic.  You are not doing this to check a box or to earn God's favor. You are doing this to be connected to the living vine. Your health depends on it. Your life depends on it. 

Financial Freedom

My last blog included an assignment for my readers...log your time for one week.  Since I wanted you to have a full week to accomplish this, I wanted to change topics for this blog and then return to that topic next week.

I wanted to give some simple suggestions for financial surgery. First of all, there are three million people more qualified than me to give financial advice. So I am including a link to Dave Ramsey's simple steps to get you on the right track to financial freedom.

http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps

After reading this, draw a line in the sand and declare war against the grip that money holds over your life. The best way to accomplish this is to start by tithing 10% of your money. If you struggle with acknowledging God as the giver of all that you possess, that would be the wisest place to begin. Acknowledge the giver. Paradox?  Yes, but it works.

Next, work backwards.  I remember when Mark and I made the decision to stay home for a few years after having two babies, we set our budget this way.  We made a list of the non-negotiables.  Tithe, house, electric bill, food, water bill, gasoline, etc. Unless it was absolutely indispensable, it did not get written down.  Then we saw what money was left over for "luxuries." Not much, actually:)  We MADE the budget work because we were so committed to one parent staying home for a period of time with our boys.

This blog is not a commercial for stay at home moms.  I am simply using this as an example to commit to a financial plan. It may mean canceling cable TV.  It may mean selling a car.  It might involve cutting up a credit card. I have mentioned this before. In our situation, the answer to every purchase was a resounding "no!" Most families would not have to be as radical as Mark and I.  School teachers in Mississippi do not make very much money and it was a tough decision to make.

The great thing about this is that you will become used to a new way of thinking about money.  You will no longer see it as a source of entertainment.  Shopping will not be a way to cure boredom.  You will become creative in the ways you can save money. We are made for this kind of life.  I will never  buy a lottery ticket because it may mess up my life!  When I see signs of relying on money to make me happy, I blow up a bomb and try to get back on track. I simply do not want to live like that. Make a list tonight about the things you MUST have to live. Then shorten the list.  Begin finding your joy in things that are eternal, not temporary.

Power of a Focused Life, part 4

Quick blog:
This week, keep a time log.  How much time do you spend in each of the following areas?
Spiritual, physical, relationships, rest, ministry, vocation, etc. Hours should add up to 168(24 hours times 7 days).
How do you want to spend your time? To squander your time is to squander your life. To squander your life is to squander your destiny (quotes from Mike Bickel at International House of Prayer). To manage your time requires skill. After a week, we will talk about time management.

Power of a Focused Life, part 3

Power of a Focused Life

Okay, hopefully, you have written a life vision.  Remember, your vision is your primary purpose in life.   Read your life's vision on a regular basis.  Allow it to point you in the direction that YOU want to be heading. Many of my ideas came from Mike Bickel, head of IHOP. I do not follow him but I read a sermon that he preached on this topic.

Next, you have listed your goals in the following areas:

• Spiritual
• Relationships
• Vocation
• Ministry
• Economical
• Physical

Now what?  Over the years of teaching school, mostly 8th graders, I see a clear picture of how hard it is to keep your goals. Every student I have ever taught, wants to do well in school. Their goal is an A or B in math this year. What is the problem?  They have a wonderful goal. They just do not know how to reach a goal.

I am making an assumption here that all of my blog readers know how to write goals.  Google "goal setting" and there are over 26 million results!  Basically, you need to make sure that your goals are written down, specific as possible, measurable in some way and review them often.  Let me give an example.  In the area of ministry, I wrote down several specific things that I wanted to do.

1. Pray every Monday for our Single Adult Sunday School class.
2. Choose 2 or 3 girls to mentor.
3. Weekly text to class members.
4. Pray for another couple to help serve with us.
5. Write a blog exclusively for our class.
6. Invite class members over on a monthly basis and cook a meal for them.

Interestingly enough, these were our goals for our last two Sunday School classes that we ministered to! They work for any group that God has put us in.

Your goals will be changing.  They should be organic, growing and most of all...a little over your head. Do not set goals that can be done without the power of the Holy Spirit.  I may not accomplish all of these goals in this year. They are a work in progress.  However, if I accomplished even 1 or 2 of them:):):)

Finish working on your goals this week.  The next step is to order your time.  Hear me on this.  I do not want this to be interpreted as filing up every minute of every day with a project.  Rest, renewal,  and relaxation should and must be put into our schedule.  But I do believe that most of us are not redeeming the day.  God wants you to have clarity and manage your waking hours. How are you investing the 168 hours that God gave you each week? We must be a faithful steward of time, as well as money.

I will blog next time on the topic on time management. Take step one, if you have not already done so!  Write a vision statement for your life.  Then go back and set goals in the different areas of your life.  Next, make your goals more specific. Try to find scripture verses to back up your goals.

The only person that would not want you to do this activity is Satan. He knows if he can get you to make excuses and procrastinate, you will feel regret and shame that you are wasting your life. Be aware of the fact that Jesus wants just the opposite.

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10 NLT)

The Power of a Focused Life, part 2

Are You Focused?

If you did not read yesterday's blog on writing a vision statement, I would suggest that you start with a short vision statement about direction of your life. Your vision statement serves as a compass to keep things going in the right direction.  It helps measure your progress, set goals for your life,establish priorities, and know when to use one of the most important words in your vocabulary...NO! Many of my ideas came from Mike Bickel, head of IHOP. I do not follow him but I read a sermon that he preached on this topic. 

My vision statement is

I want to grow more intimate in my relationship with God everyday, know what His will is for my life and accomplish things that count for eternity and not the temporary."

I wrote a list of things that I wanted to be said about me at the end of my life.  My "God" statement was:

"Pat loved me with all of her heart and all of her mind and all of her soul.  She trusted me, before she knew how I would respond.  She was about doing my work.  She enjoyed being in my presence, an exquisite joy.  She had a thankful heart.  She had a joyful heart. "  I am not kidding when I say that I want God to say that about me!!!

I asked myself the same question about Mark and my sweet sons, Ben and Luke.  I wanted them to say,

"She prayed about everything!!!  She was humble, not vain.  She added joy to everyone's life.  She had a servant heart.  She was consistent- she acted the same way around everyone.  She lived as she taught. Practiced what she preached." 

I want my friends to say,

"Pat was not afraid to be different.  She was NOT a person that conformed to the world's standards, but constantly tried to renew her mind and see that God's ways are best.   She really knew the Lord and had a vibrant walk with Him."

Can you see how, if those are the values I hold, they will determine the direction of my life?  Tall orders, for certain.  Unattainable...I do not think so.

Next step is to set our goals for each area of our life.  Many people try to set their goals before they even know the road they want to be on.  Make sure that you establish that first.

By the way, I want to list the things that I want to be true of me at age 60 and age 70.  Think about how important this is to set the vision early in life.  I am not looking back with a lot of regrets about my life.  Did I make a lot of mistakes?  Yes, indeed.  Did I get off track?  Yes, many times.  But I knew where I was heading, by God's grace.

In old age, I want these things to continue to be true about my life:

• I want to have a great friendship with my family.
• Still want a "pit crew" that sharpens me.
• Anointed prayer life.
• Know the Word of God.
• Give away a large % of my income.  Be content to live on a smaller amount.
• Still have an exciting ministry, "not slowed down to retire."
• Physically fit, so I can still have the energy to serve.

Notice that I tried to list things in each area...spiritually, relationally, financially, vocationally, and my physical body.

Attempt to set a goal in each of these broad categories of your life.  This is a work in progress! You can reread it tomorrow and change it.   There are no right or wrong answers. There is no best age to start.  It is NEVER to late to start. Nobody is grading your answers to see if they are "good enough."  This is your life, not mine or anyone else's. I did not ask Mark about my goals.  However, the caution is that you will do this "one of these days"

My next blog will be about accomplishing these goals.  I realize that are a million websites on "goal setting." I plan on talking about setting an action plan to accomplish your goals. Keep in mind a couple of things.  First of all, I am not writing a blog on setting goals for your business.  Yes, I hope you have business goals.  But life is so much more than that. If you are only reading this blog so that you can make a million dollars and retire early...there are better written blogs than this one.  That is simply not one of my goals.  Remember I said I would give a lot of it away:)

Secondly, I want this to be more than an exercise. I want it to be a life change for you and for me. I want all that God has for me.  Don't you?

The Power of a Focused Life

I have been trying to write this blog for several weeks.  Every time I try to write it, I become distracted by upcoming school work, fatigue, not in the mood to write, errands to run, etc.  I must assume that it will be important or I would not face so many obstacles in writing it.

The Power of a Focused Life

Most Christians desire a more abundant life. Most Christians desire to be in God's will. Most Christians  desire to be growing in their prayer life and knowledge of God's word. So why do so many of us languish in hopeless living? In examining my own life, I see a lack of discipline that keeps me from being all that God created me to be.  I would aspire to write a series of blogs, talking about ways to overcome this apathy or laziness that holds me back.  Hopefully, it will speak to others that are seeking to grow in maturity in Christ. Many of my ideas came from Mike Bickel, head of IHOP. I do not follow him but I read a sermon that he preached on this topic.

First of all, we all need a life's vision. Lewis Carroll wrote about this in Alice in Wonderland:  "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. "


 From a biblical standpoint:
" Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18 KJV


A vision statement should be a short statement of where you want to go in life. Remember with no vision, then "any road will take you there."  My vision statement includes a statement about growing everyday more intimate with God...every single day. Yesterday does not count.  I can't rest on where I was last week or last month or in back in college. Also, my life's vision is to discover the God's will for my life and try to fulfill that purpose. 


Notice that for me, I am not naming goals. Goals are more specific. These are the things that I will strive for. I have goals for my spiritual life, for my physical health, for my relationships for my finances and for my ministry. We will get to those later. 


But for today, work on your vision statement.  If you are not sure where you want to go in life, try these exercises. 


1)  What would you want people to say about you at the end of your life?  By people, I am referring to God, spouse and/or children, friends, work friends, etc. Take some time to work on each category of people in your life.  It will reveal a lot about the kind of person you wish you were.


2) Write down a list of things that you want to be true about you at age 30? 40? 50? 60?  For example, I want a close friendship with my sons and their wives. I want a pit crew that surrounds me and sharpens me.  These are just ideas.


After you have done these two exercises, try to write a vision statement for your life. Check back tomorrow.  I will publish a blog about setting goals for your life.  


By the way, 99.9% of my readers will think this is a great idea and they will put this off until a better time.  Ten years goes by quickly and you will make a lot of  decisions, good and bad.  I want my decisions to be driven by the direction that I want to be heading in life.  I want to know when to say "no" and when to say "yes."

"Focus predetermines your priorities and prevents you from distractions."

Seeing the same people that Jesus sees

wrote a tweet this morning that simply said " Jesus went straight to the EXACT people we ignore...the poor, the diseased, the insignificant. Find someone today that Jesus approached."

Why, oh why, did I write that and then pray for an opportunity to do this? I was driving to a staff development class that started at 8:00 AM. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I get lost VERY easily. I was driving to a new place and was extremely nervous!

I noticed a homeless man walking down the street. The reason I assumed he was homeless is because he was pushing a cart filled with all his belongings. I thought, "Oh goodness. Bless his heart." We know what "Bless your heart means." It means we are relinquishing the matter to someone else to handle.

I am continuing to drive in my nervous, lost state of mind. I am wondering if I will find this new building. All of a sudden, God reminded me of my earlier prayer. I immediately started to argue. "No way!!! You are not talking to me, God! You know how I am. I am female. I may get lost if I turn around. I may be late and be embarrassed. I only have $5 in my purse."

This went on for less than a mile. The farther away I got, the greater the chance I had of being late. God did not scream or condemn me. He gently reminded me of my prayer. I asked for this opportunity and he provided it. I have walked with the Lord for many years and I know how good it feels to just be obedient, even when I don't understand.

So I turned around and drove back to find the man. When I reached him, I gave him the $5 and the breakfast I had planned to eat at the conference. I told him that God had asked me to stop and tell him that God truly loved him and had not forgotten him. He smiled, as his eyes filled with tears. I drove on to my conference. The song "I raise my white flag!  I surrender all to you!" was on the radio. I raised my hand and told God that I surrendered to His ways, not mine.

God's accounting system is vastly different from ours. A cup of cold water given in his name is a big deal. I'm glad I gave that cup of water. Jesus said that when we give it "to one of the least of his children" it's like giving it to him. Wow!!! What an honor to serve Jesus Christ today!

Attracting your husband, part 3

Quick blog...my computer is broken, but I have some thoughts that won't wait. I'll just type this on my IPhone.
"Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. (Colossians 3:18 MSG)"

There are so many things we gain by learning how to submit, even when submitting does not make sense. A popular phrase that I heard yesterday "give respect so that you will earn respect." I have not read a verse in the Bible that backs up this principal.

Sometimes, the person will not earn our respect, but we obediently give our respect anyway. My dad did not have to earn my submission and respect. He just expected it because he was my dad. God absolutely does not have to earn my respect in any way shape or form. I can't wait to understand God ways before yielding to his authority.

Same way with our husbands. Fit in with his plans. Encourage him. Respect him. I am writing this to myself because I am so strong-willed. The reward of respecting Mark...I grow more in my walk with the Lord. When we obey, especially when we do not agree, we grow some muscles that we never had before.

I'll end this blog by saying that you actually can't work to attract your husband! You can grow in your relationship with Christ and pretty soon as you look more like Christ, you will attract your husband's attention.

An attractive wife, part 2

If you happened to read my blog yesterday, I named some qualities that I think makes us more attractive to our husbands.  I skirted the issue of looks on purpose.  However, realizing that our husbands are very visual creatures, our appearance is very important. There are about a million other women that are more attractive than me. But Mark seems to think I look like a movie star. Tells me that beauty is way more than outward appearance.  I am not setting myself up as an expert here.  Just being brave enough to confront some fears that we face with our appearance.

First of all, I do not believe that our husbands are so shallow that they expect perfection from our appearance.  If your husband is really that shallow, he has a character flaw and you can only minimize character flaws with prayer, not nagging.  For the other 99% of our husbands, I believe our men desire us to spend time on our appearance but not obsess. Obsessing is NOT attractive.  I have spent a lot of money and time, doing just that...obsessing. At this point in my life, I am concerned more with eating healthy and exercising, and less on a perfect weight.

I will mention a few things that I have begun to do.  My nature is to give a ton of "unwanted advice."  I will answer any comments if someone wanted more details on my journey.

Step one:  Make sure you are eating a well balanced diet and cooking these things for your family. There is nothing attractive about feeding your spouse and kids a bunch of take out food. I actually eliminated most of my dining out.  Mark and I may eat out once a week on date night. There is just too many bad choices at most restaurants. I have learned over the years that you must eat tons of fruits and vegetables in order to maintain your weight.  I have also learned that you need to replace meals at least once a day with a low calorie option. My husband sells Shakeology and he has finally gotten me to drink that once a day.  I am hooked on it.  Notice the subtle hint.  I am supporting my husband because that is important to him.  He loves me for drinking that shake with him!

Step two:  Make sure you are exercising on a consistent basis. Let me add that I am not a former athlete.  I was not allowed to drive out of the driveway on my bike.  I am not kidding.  We had 4 girls in our family and we played with Barbie dolls and read books. Since we could not leave the driveway, we roller skated, forwards and backwards on our carport.  My mom was a tad overprotective:)   I never played a sport. One day in 8th grade, I did try out for basketball and we ran up the bleachers, I threw up and never came back

My exercise journey began with walking.  Anyone can walk.  Next I progressed to riding a treadmill and reading a book while I rode.  I read a lot of books:)  In January I began, at age 56, to lift weights.  Oh my goodness.  I can lift weights with the best of them.  Mark stalked me through the window of the Body Pump class to see if I was being careful.  He decided that I was doing okay and he tells me all the time how proud he is.

Next big, big step...riding bikes with Mark.  We ride about 15 miles together several times a week.  It started out slow.  I would not allow Mark to ask me how I was doing because it would make me cry.  I could not say anything positive about riding bikes so I told him to quit asking me. Today I rode next to him the whole way!!!  I rode next to Superman!!!  He appreciates that I am living way out of my comfort zone.   I wish you could see the smile on his face.

I want to tell you that I met Mark at a skating party.  How did I manage to meet him?  I was a little tricky.  I came up to Mark and asked him sweetly if he could teach me how to roller skate backwards. He probably thought I was athletic because I caught on so quickly:) The rest is history. 

I say all this to say that if I can ride a bike 15 miles, anybody can do it.  If I can lift weights, anyone can.  I have not met anyone yet who cannot walk for daily exercise. I believe that our husbands enjoy seeing us work hard to improve ourselves to be more attractive to them.

One last word of advice.  Don't let the world pick your standards in appearance. Do not be conformed to this world.  It will bite you every time. Good luck impressing your husband.

An attractive wife

I have been giving this topic a lot of thought...34 years actually!   What really makes a woman attractive?  From the time we realize that boys are not yucky, we are created to desire their attention. The first female, Eve, had this desire placed in her. In Genesis 3:16, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. ”  We can't help it if we tried!

It is normal to crave the attention of the male species. When we dress in the morning, we think about what outfit will get the desired effect. As an aside, I want to issue a word of warning.  When you walk out of the house dressed inappropriately, you are advertising to a lot of men not just your husband.  You did not just accidentally put on a low cut top or shorts that show way more than what needs to be shown. You purposely chose that outfit.   Would you walk up to any married man and say, "Please notice me? I don't care what your wife thinks, just notice me." Of course not!  But you are doing the same thing when you dress inappropriately.  Listen to my next statement.  I am not mad when you do that, I am wondering why you need that much attention from the wrong guy. Ask yourself that question sometime.

I have made some observations over my many years.  One interesting observation is that some incredibly beautiful women in the movie business seemed to get divorces at an alarming rate. Outward beauty does not seem to be enough.  So what makes ordinary women like us stand a chance? If beauty does not guarantee marriage success, what do we need to do to be attractive to our husbands?

First of all, I love the story of Ruth in the Bible.  The qualities she possessed were enviable. She was submissive to her mother-in-law out of sheer kindness.  She followed her back to her homeland after her husband died. She served her by going out every day to gather food. She gathered the food for their household!  I will tell you what speaks loudly to me here. She honored her husband's family.  How many times have you heard someone say mean things about their spouse's mom or family?  It is actually rare to find a wife who does not do this. I have made it a point to not say anything negative to Mark about any of his family.  They have warts, just like my family.  He loves and appreciates that I do not do that.

Another story that I dearly love is the story of Esther.  To condense the story, Esther was asked by her Jewish cousin, Mordecai, to confront the King about the soon-to-be massacre of the Jewish people.  She knew that, even though the King was her husband, she would be killed if he did not hold out the golden scepter to her when she approached.  During that time period, it was a high risk position in which to be found.  She decided to approach her husband, by whom she had not been summoned in many months. She invited him to two intimate dinners before she made her request to save her people. I can't help but imagine that he was delighted by such a wife who displayed courage and cleverness and he granted her request immediately. I believe that Mark is attracted to courage and cleverness and not always living in the safe lane.

I could go on and on by examples in the Bible of women who gained the respect and love of their husband by just being a woman of character. Men are not attracted to sleaze.  Men are attracted to females who have more than good looks. Our husbands attracted to trustworthiness.  Mark needs to feel safe with me. I believe men are attracted to confident women.  I am not talking about boastful women.  I have seen a lot of wives brag about how they make more money than their husbands, work harder than their husbands, are smarter than their husbands, etc.  Good grief, what are they thinking?  I am talking about confident women who know that their value is found in the Lord, not their husband.

I am realizing that this blog opened a lot of thoughts in my heart.  I write this blog to speak truth.  I would love to think that some women may read this blog and hear a different way of looking at things.

I going to have a cliff-hanger.  Tomorrow I am going to talk about some physical characterics that matter to our husband. Check back with me.

Are You Asking Often Enough?

I have been out of town for ten days.  I hate being out of town.  I am a homebody at heart. I especially missed blogging.  So many thoughts get crammed up in my head and they need to come out!
I wanted to share a powerful thought about my trip.  Several things happened that needed prayer...urgent prayer. My first response is to not "bother" God with a request.  Satan tells us that God cannot be bothered with us.  He gets us to doubt God's provision and care.

 I mentioned this a few blogs ago. Every sin can be put in one of three categories. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life are demonstrated in the Bible. Not those words, but those situations. When Adam and Eve were tempted by the serpent, he used these three temptations.

 He said to Eve, "Do I understand that God told you to not eat ANY fruit of the garden?" He was attempting to get Eve to think that God was withholding good things. He wants us to think that God does not want to provide every good thing.  Admit it.  How often do you find yourself thinking that God would not hear you when you ask for a need?

The other two sins are more obvious. We want to meet a physical need(lust of the flesh) even if it is wrong for us or we need to wait. Even greater is the desire to be put first(pride of life).  However, the lust of the eyes can really trip us up. We see others getting everything they need and we are missing out.

Pretty soon, we do not even ask because we are mad at God.  We quit seeing him as the "owner of the cattle on a thousand hills(Psalm 50:10)." We stop seeing him as our perfect Father who "if we ask for bread, will he give us a stone?(Matthew 7:9)" We forget that in Luke 11, it says," Ask and you will get, Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be open to you." Does that sound like someone that is stingy?

So this week, when I needed some help, I asked and it was provided. I asked with confidence and boldness. God answered and it felt normal.  I realized that my Father wants me to ask because he wants to give and give generously. He especially wants me to ask when I cannot meet that need in my own strength or wisdom or power. He receives the glory when I am at the end of my rope.  Let's never stop asking. Let's quit asking for small things that we already can see how the end turns out.
Let's ask for the unseen and not the seen. When we start praying like that...get ready for some laughter and excitement when he answers us!

 

Your personality type and your marriage
I wanted to continue in the theme of understanding our personality types and how they affect our relationships. If you did not read the previous blog, I suggest that you take a second to read it. Also, if you have never done so, take one of the personality tests. I provided links to three of the most used.  I will use the Gary Smalley test names:  Lion, Otter, Beaver and Golden Retriever. No particular reason. They all have the similar traits in their testing.  I just like the names of animals that they use.

Early in our marriage, we both took several different personality tests.  We were intrigued with the idea that people tend to belong to one of the four personality types or at least, a strong bent toward one. Over the years, we may have gravitated slightly.  However, overall we stayed close to the original testing results.  As frustrating as it may be to see your spouse display the negative traits of a Lion or an Otter, it is comforting to know their good traits are probably the reason why you married them.
Let me give you an example of how this plays out in our marriage.  Let me say from the beginning, I am by no means a psychologist or psychoanalyst or counselor. I can only state how I have seen this demonstrated in 34 years of marriage...and it fascinates me.  I will tell you that I have many tendencies of a "Lion."  The motto..."Trust me! It'll work out!" describes me very well. I am not sure why everyone else does not feel this way:) 
As you can tell from the following list, every positive has a corresponding negative. If you only read the left side, sounds like a nice person to have on your team. Unfortunately, you have to take the bad with the good.

Likes authority. ………………...Too direct or demanding

Takes charge……………….…..Pushy; can step in front of others

Determined. …………………... Overbearing

Confident. …………………..…. Cocky

Enterprising. ……………..….... Takes big risks

Problem solver. ………….….... Too busy

Productive. ……….……….…... Overlooks feelings; do it now!

Bold. …………………….……... Insensitive

Purposeful; goal driven…..….... Imbalanced; workaholic

Decision maker. ………….….... Unthoughtful of others' wishes

Adventurous. ………………… .. Impulsive

Strong 'willed …………………...Stubborn

Controlling. ……………………...Bossy; overbearing

Persistent. ………………….….. Inflexible

Let's look at Mark's temperament, the Golden Retriever. His motto is definitely , "Let's keep things the way they are."

Sensitive feelings. ……..…….… Easily hurt

Loyal. ………………………….… Misses opportunities

Calm; even keeled. ……….….… Lacks enthusiasm

Nondemanding ………….…...… Weakling; pushover

Avoids confrontations. .………… Misses honest intimacy

Enjoys routine …………….…..…Stays in rut

Dislikes change. ………….….… Not spontaneous

Warm and relational. …….….… Fewer deep friends

Gives in. ……………….……...… Co-dependent

Accommodating. …….…….…… Indecisive

Cautious humor. ……….….…… Overly cautious

The reasons I fell in love with this guy is because he is the calm in our storms, he is very warm and relational, he is extremely accommodating, and tremendously loyal.  Even though he is a "man's man"(more like superman), he has a gentle and caring nature that I am attracted to. But on the flip side, I want to scream when he is "overly cautious" or "stays in a rut." I need a quick decision even if it is the wrong one.

Here is the truth about your personality type.  You can't change much of it. That is okay.  Every personality type has some amazing strengths.  When I am yielded to God's will for my life, my strengths can be put to good use. My negative qualities are minimized, just like the minimizer key on a computer.  Think about that incredible thought!  You still possess that negative quality.  However, it is minimized to the point where no one would even know you possessed that quality.  All they see is the positives of your temperament.

Your never-ceasing prayer for your spouse(and yourself) is Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. If we get that out of order and try to seek the things that we want before seeking his kingdom, frustration will abound.

There are endless websites on personality types and how they affect your marriage.  I included a link to one to give you an idea. This is not in place of a good marriage counselor. But it is a great starting place.

http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Free-marriage-counseling.html

 There is NO SUCH THING as a bad personality type. If you are married, your spouse's personality type is perfect for you.  The problem is not your spouse's type or yours.  The answer will always be to seek God first and his righteousness.

As always, I pray for whoever reads this blog.

How does personality type affect relationships?

I am continually stunned at how differently Mark reacts to issues in our marriage!  Keep in mind that after 34 years, you get comfortable with each other.  You predict how the other will respond.  You already think you know the path the conversation will take. And then, out of the blue, you look at the other person and wonder why they are acting that way.

Yesterday was one of those days.  I started the conversation with my dangerous preface, "Mark, will you be open minded about my idea of a project I want to do today?" How many times does Mark hear me say that?  I am positive that he says no in his mind long before I utter the next word. 

However, I continue to ignorantly believe that Mark wants to know...yearns to know...must know how he can make me happy.  Mistake #1. Thinking that our marriage revolves around making me happy! I continue on in that pleasant thought and make my request. Now at this point, some of you will be curious about what was the great idea I had.  Trust me, in retrospect, it was a dumb idea. Mark let me know, in a kind way, that this project was not going to be done today...or ever. His answer was predictable and my response was predictable.  I got quiet. I mulled over his lack of desire to take on my plans instead of his.

Which brings me to the point of this blog. Even though Mark and I have a lot of things in common, we are total opposites on personality types. If you never done so, I would suggest that you take a personality test to determine your type. Mark and I have taken several over the course of our marriage and they do help you understand yourself and especially understand your mate/potential mate. I included the links to three personality quizzes.  Before proceeding, take one of the tests.

http://www3.dbu.edu/jeanhumphreys/SocialPsych/smalleytrentpersonality.htm
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html
http://www.goingthedistance.org/pages.asp?pageid=18155
Many people have had to take a personality quiz for their job.  If you have taken one already and do not want to take another test, refer to the next site which attempts to summarize the similarity of the four basic personality types, no matter which type of  test you have taken in the past.

http://www.peterursbender.com/quiz/moreinfo.html

I make it a point to have short blogs.  I tend to not read long blogs because of time. More on this topic in the next few days.

Who are you becoming?(old person part 5)

I keep thinking of things I need to consider to prepare for "oldness." I will be there one day. So far, I talked about forgiving myself of past mistakes, be careful of the things I file in my mind, define my idea of a life well-spent and do not allow old age to be a time of uselessness. Today I want to ponder on the people I need to forgive.

I once read a quote about the economy of forgiveness. "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." I believe that when we hold on to grudges again a family member, a friend, a co-worker and especially when we hold to a grudge against God, we are bankrupting our spirit. We are needlessly spending way too much time, thoughts, and energy on that person and that situation. Couldn't we all use that time, thoughts and energy on something more worthwhile than hatred?

The most foolish thing that we do is to hold onto to a grudge against God. I cannot fathom how God has disappointed you. Maybe he let you down with a death of a loved one, a financial disaster, or lack of a marriage partner. Whatever it was, you may have stayed angry with God for way too long. There are endless books written on this topic, so I cannot pretend to cover this in a brief blog. However, this I know...let go of the feeling that God let you down.

Did you realize that this is one of the three major areas of sin? In a nutshell, all of sin can be put into these three categories: Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. To believe that God let you down, implies that God did not provide all that you needed to live an abundant life. You "see something" with your eyes(lust of the eyes) and you are thinking that God should not withhold that from you. Eve did that and for centuries, we have been deceived into thinking that God just did not come through for us. It is time that you let go of that false belief. I know of many older people who cannot "forgive" God for holding out on them. They are bitter and angry people.

Hopefully, you are realizing that there are some types of older people that you do not want to emulate. Well, you do not have to be like that.  But you must do something about it now before you become the person you always said you would not want to be. The cement will harden one day. I am praying for whoever reads this blog that they will take some courageous steps to becoming the older person that everyone wants to be around.

The person I am becoming, part two

Yesterday I published a blog about considering what kind of an older person you want to be. I wanted to continue in that vein of thought. As we grow older, many of us constantly look back over our life and give it a grade based on  how successful we think we have been.  Let's stop there for today and ponder what that really means.  When I look reflect on my past, I must admit I give it an A in some areas and a failing grade in others.

For example, I have had a rich, rewarding career in teaching. I have loved so many students! They are all my favorites.  I have taught mostly 8th graders.  I like to think that I have laughed with them, cried with them, pushed them to think out of the box, hugged them when life was crashing all around them(everyday occurrence for an 8th grader) and tried to teach them all the life lessons that they needed to survive. Probably an A in that area.  Check that off.

However, when I move to the parenting area, I tremble a little.  I grade myself very harshly in that area. I look back and think of a million things I would have done differently. I would like a do-over. Maybe I should add that my sons turned out to be the most magnificent men on the planet! But deep down, I know that I can't take any credit. The Lord did that in their lives, not me.

In the area of ministry, I tend to give it a C. Mark and I have taught Sunday School for almost the entire 34 years of our married life. The problem is I have worn it like a badge of honor many times.  We have been in the spotlight. We get a lot of pats on the back. I would give it a much higher grade if we had been the janitors or the coffee servers, an area where we got absolutely no recognition.

Realize that you will do that one day.  Start the process now.  All of us would like to look back over the years and say "that was a life well spent." Notice that your definition of success will have nothing to do with money. No one on their deathbed will be wishing they had made more money. No one. Today may be the best time to redefine your definition of success. Stay focused on what is important in life. You aren't getting any younger:)

P. S. I wrote a blog called "Ordering Your World." I talked about setting goals and priorities. Check it out.
P.S.S. I do not think my spell-checker is working.  I think I am a decent speller but I do know there will be a mistake or two. Forgive!

What kind of old person do you want to be?

(I wrote this blog 7 years ago! I never finished the series. It's time!)

This topic has been marinating in my mind for awhile. I am about to turn 57 years old in a couple of months. I don't feel old at all!  But I want to determine what kind of person I want to become "one day" when I turn old:) I believe it is imperative to live in such a way now to safeguard the life I want to live when I am older.

 I decided to make some observations of older people that I admire. What qualities do they possess?
True confession...it was easier to think about what qualities I have observed that I do not want in my life and reverse that thinking.

Counter the idea that old age needs be a time of uselessness/retirement/atrophy. I personally hate the idea of spending your whole life serving others in a job so that you can float around on a boat and do nothing when you retire. Or walk along the beach and try new seafood recipes every night. It reeks of selfishness. No matter  how good it sounds on paper, selfishness disappoints every time. Many people have told Mark and I to have a plan for working or volunteering if we stop teaching. It is tempting to dream about "when I retire." Examine your reasons for longing for retirement.  Is it so you can be lazy or simply move into Plan B?

Along that line, many people allow their bodies to atrophy. I can't count how many older people say that they use to walk or they use to work out.  But they see old age as an excuse to "relax" more. This is a death sentence for them. At what age is it okay to wind down? If you are keeping up with my blogs, you will see that I am adding in new exercises rather than slowing down.  I made a choice(I will always struggle) to be as fit as I can be. My knee does not hurt anymore when I do Body Pump. I actually thought your knees were supposed to hurt when you got older:) I have followed a strict diet for about two weeks and lost 8 pounds. I am going to stop saying that I can't lose weight because my metabolism is slowing down. Best example I know is my husband. He is about to turn 58 this September. He is like Superman. Best shape he has ever been in his life. He refuses to get old! Check out his link at the side of my blog.


Last thing to mention on this topic.  I do not, do not, do not think we are useless just because we are older.  On the contrary, I did not start writing a blog until I was older and had a little wisdom under my belt. Mark and I are starting a new adventure next Sunday with our career class. I feel like I have so much to offer a younger teacher at my school. My favorite blog to read is from my college pastor, 40 years ago. I do not know how old he is now but he is literally reeking of wisdom! I want to be more useful with every passing year. As a matter of fact, what did I even offer to others in my twenties?  I was a taker, more than a giver.

I hate long blogs so I will pick up this topic in the next few days. Maybe you young folks need to imagine what kind of "older"person you want to be. It will take a lot of planning and goal setting to become that person one day.  It will not happen on its own.

New Blog Topic

What kind of an older person do I want to be? Working on this new blog.  Will publish first one tomorrow.  I am excited about it.  I am also trying to remember how I deleted the comment option.  I realized I LOVE comments. I want my blog to be more of a conversation than a monologue. I will work on that, as well. Stay tuned...

Healing a Broken Heart in Marriage

Today, I am treading on dangerous water here and I realize that. Forgive me if you read this and I hurt you by my lack of understanding. I was praying this morning and seeking wisdom about what to write about(if anything). I ALWAYS want this blog to be God's words and not mine.
I imagine that my marriage blogs present some readers with confusion and even downright pain. Life is not a simple 1-2-3 fix. I wanted today's blog to be a teeny, tiny step towards healing in the heart of someone who feels no hope in their marriage.


 Jonah 4:3
Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it—when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!
Don't you just feel a kinship with Jonah?  Of course, we do!  The pain that is dished out by our spouses is too much to forgive at times. Some spouses wound with the intent to kill. You must be thinking that you will not read another word of this blog if all I have to say is to forgive. Surely there must be a better way than this?  But think about it...you will walk around scarred for the rest of your life if you don't start forgiving today.
It is going to take more than you've got. Acknowledge that. It is too hard. But you will never get well unless you have open heart surgery and let the blood flow. Start with a journal. Everyday, peel back a little more of the onion. Don't let up. Read my prior blog on "Grit."  This will take a lot of courage and grit.
Notice that I am not saying the obvious...communicate with your spouse(even an ex-spouse). Sometimes there is just need to rehash out old issues. Admit that the past ways of comunication did not work. The conversation I am suggesting is strictly between you and God. And don't be surprised if you would rather argue with your spouse than with God. It seems easier, in a way. You can pretend with your spouse. You can't pretend with God.  You have to be totally honest.


Matthew 6:14-15
"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
This should be motivation enough to start the forgiveness process. In fact, start it yesterday. Do we honestly think ANYTHING is worth being cut off from God?


Matthew 18:21
 At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"
Speaks for itself. You know how the story turns out.  Jesus says,"No, Peter, seven times seventy." No limit to this forgiveness thing! "But you don't know what he has done to me!" No, I don't. But God does. And his Son died on the cross for your spouse.


2 Corinthians 5:18-20
 The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins.
God called us and equipped us to the ministry of reconciliation. We can't just be reconciled with our friends...anybody can do that. We must be reconciled with our enemies. We can't base it on how they will respond. That cannot be our goal. We are not the Holy Spirit to them. We can pray that God will speak to their hearts. But our words cannot bring healing to them. Only prayer can bring the healing that they need. Only God can bring the healing we desperately need.

I will be in prayer for anyone who reads this blog today. I am asking God that he will give you all the strength you need to become whole again.