I wanted to continue in the theme of understanding our personality types and how they affect our relationships. If you did not read the previous blog, I suggest that you take a second to read it. Also, if you have never done so, take one of the personality tests. I provided links to three of the most used. I will use the Gary Smalley test names: Lion, Otter, Beaver and Golden Retriever. No particular reason. They all have the similar traits in their testing. I just like the names of animals that they use.
Early in our marriage, we both took several different personality tests. We were intrigued with the idea that people tend to belong to one of the four personality types or at least, a strong bent toward one. Over the years, we may have gravitated slightly. However, overall we stayed close to the original testing results. As frustrating as it may be to see your spouse display the negative traits of a Lion or an Otter, it is comforting to know their good traits are probably the reason why you married them.
Let me give you an example of how this plays out in our marriage. Let me say from the beginning, I am by no means a psychologist or psychoanalyst or counselor. I can only state how I have seen this demonstrated in 34 years of marriage...and it fascinates me. I will tell you that I have many tendencies of a "Lion." The motto..."Trust me! It'll work out!" describes me very well. I am not sure why everyone else does not feel this way:)
As you can tell from the following list, every positive has a corresponding negative. If you only read the left side, sounds like a nice person to have on your team. Unfortunately, you have to take the bad with the good.
Likes authority. ………………...Too direct or demanding
Takes charge……………….…..Pushy; can step in front of others
Determined. …………………... Overbearing
Confident. …………………..…. Cocky
Enterprising. ……………..….... Takes big risks
Problem solver. ………….….... Too busy
Productive. ……….……….…... Overlooks feelings; do it now!
Bold. …………………….……... Insensitive
Purposeful; goal driven…..….... Imbalanced; workaholic
Decision maker. ………….….... Unthoughtful of others' wishes
Adventurous. ………………… .. Impulsive
Strong 'willed …………………...Stubborn
Controlling. ……………………...Bossy; overbearing
Persistent. ………………….….. Inflexible
Let's look at Mark's temperament, the Golden Retriever. His motto is definitely , "Let's keep things the way they are."
Sensitive feelings. ……..…….… Easily hurt
Loyal. ………………………….… Misses opportunities
Calm; even keeled. ……….….… Lacks enthusiasm
Nondemanding ………….…...… Weakling; pushover
Avoids confrontations. .………… Misses honest intimacy
Enjoys routine …………….…..…Stays in rut
Dislikes change. ………….….… Not spontaneous
Warm and relational. …….….… Fewer deep friends
Gives in. ……………….……...… Co-dependent
Accommodating. …….…….…… Indecisive
Cautious humor. ……….….…… Overly cautious
The reasons I fell in love with this guy is because he is the calm in our storms, he is very warm and relational, he is extremely accommodating, and tremendously loyal. Even though he is a "man's man"(more like superman), he has a gentle and caring nature that I am attracted to. But on the flip side, I want to scream when he is "overly cautious" or "stays in a rut." I need a quick decision even if it is the wrong one.
Here is the truth about your personality type. You can't change much of it. That is okay. Every personality type has some amazing strengths. When I am yielded to God's will for my life, my strengths can be put to good use. My negative qualities are minimized, just like the minimizer key on a computer. Think about that incredible thought! You still possess that negative quality. However, it is minimized to the point where no one would even know you possessed that quality. All they see is the positives of your temperament.
Your never-ceasing prayer for your spouse(and yourself) is Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. If we get that out of order and try to seek the things that we want before seeking his kingdom, frustration will abound.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. If we get that out of order and try to seek the things that we want before seeking his kingdom, frustration will abound.
There are endless websites on personality types and how they affect your marriage. I included a link to one to give you an idea. This is not in place of a good marriage counselor. But it is a great starting place.
There is NO SUCH THING as a bad personality type. If you are married, your spouse's personality type is perfect for you. The problem is not your spouse's type or yours. The answer will always be to seek God first and his righteousness.
As always, I pray for whoever reads this blog.
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