I imagine that my marriage blogs present some readers with confusion and even downright pain. Life is not a simple 1-2-3 fix. I wanted today's blog to be a teeny, tiny step towards healing in the heart of someone who feels no hope in their marriage.
Jonah 4:3
Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it—when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!
Don't you just feel a kinship with Jonah? Of course, we do! The pain that is dished out by our spouses is too much to forgive at times. Some spouses wound with the intent to kill. You must be thinking that you will not read another word of this blog if all I have to say is to forgive. Surely there must be a better way than this? But think about it...you will walk around scarred for the rest of your life if you don't start forgiving today.
It is going to take more than you've got. Acknowledge that. It is too hard. But you will never get well unless you have open heart surgery and let the blood flow. Start with a journal. Everyday, peel back a little more of the onion. Don't let up. Read my prior blog on "Grit." This will take a lot of courage and grit.
Notice that I am not saying the obvious...communicate with your spouse(even an ex-spouse). Sometimes there is just need to rehash out old issues. Admit that the past ways of comunication did not work. The conversation I am suggesting is strictly between you and God. And don't be surprised if you would rather argue with your spouse than with God. It seems easier, in a way. You can pretend with your spouse. You can't pretend with God. You have to be totally honest.
Matthew 6:14-15
"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
This should be motivation enough to start the forgiveness process. In fact, start it yesterday. Do we honestly think ANYTHING is worth being cut off from God?
Matthew 18:21
At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"
Speaks for itself. You know how the story turns out. Jesus says,"No, Peter, seven times seventy." No limit to this forgiveness thing! "But you don't know what he has done to me!" No, I don't. But God does. And his Son died on the cross for your spouse.
2 Corinthians 5:18-20
The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins.
God called us and equipped us to the ministry of reconciliation. We can't just be reconciled with our friends...anybody can do that. We must be reconciled with our enemies. We can't base it on how they will respond. That cannot be our goal. We are not the Holy Spirit to them. We can pray that God will speak to their hearts. But our words cannot bring healing to them. Only prayer can bring the healing that they need. Only God can bring the healing we desperately need.
I will be in prayer for anyone who reads this blog today. I am asking God that he will give you all the strength you need to become whole again.
