Mark and I were so poor in our early marriage. This is absolutely the best way to start a marriage, hands down. There was so little money to argue about:) I thank God for allowing us to begin our adventure together with outright poverty. He was testing us about our attitude towards money from the beginning to see how faithful we would be in small amounts before he decided to give us larger amounts. Since we are not actually wealthy today, you can tell we did not pass with flying colors!!!
There are some verses in Proverbs that describe what our goals were:
Psalm 112(1-9)How joyful are those who fear the Lord
and delight in obeying his commands.
2 Their children will be successful everywhere;
an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.
3 They themselves will be wealthy,
and their good deeds will last forever.
4 Light shines in the darkness for the godly.
They are generous, compassionate, and righteous.
5 Good comes to those who lend money generously
and conduct their business fairly.
6 Such people will not be overcome by evil.
Those who are righteous will be long remembered.
7 They do not fear bad news;
they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
8 They are confident and fearless
and can face their foes triumphantly.
9 They share freely and give generously to those in need.
Their good deeds will be remembered forever.
They will have influence and honor.
I must have read that passage a 100 times! I wanted Mark and I to be generous. I did start out with a definite advantage. I realize that I had this advantage and so I need to share this little secret. My 85 year old dad is the real deal. He reads his Bible through every year. He prays without ceasing. My memories of him growing up was to see him on his knees praying next to his recliner. He gives way over the minimum 10% of his income. He is generous to a fault with his money. How would you like to have that kind of father? I was a blessed woman. Needless to say, I grew up with a healthy perspective on who was in charge of the money in our house. God was the owner. My dad was just the steward of that money.
Because I had that kind of parenting, my goals were high for a godly husband. I cared more about the kind of person that I would marry than the earning potential of the man I wanted to marry. Please understand that it took years to develop this attitude. I did not come out of the womb with the right attitude. That is the redeeming work of Christ in my life that gave me this attitude. Enter Mark Cooper into my life. He was a new Christian. He was following the Lord in every area of his life, ups and downs...but mostly ups. He was committed to God's view of money, not man's view. Because of his leadership, we have always tithed to the church we were a part of. Giving 10% back to God releases the grip that money can have. Understand at the beginning of your marriage who is in charge of the money. Not you or your husband. God is in charge. Don't go a step farther in reading the rest of this article until that issue is settled. The rest of it doesn't matter if you are still debating over whether you or your spouse is in charge.
Another verse that was influencial to Mark and I was found in Proverbs 10:4. "Sloth makes you poor; diligence brings wealth." I had to settle in my mind that it was not fair for me to be a sloth and Mark to bear the burden of earning the money and making the budget work. This is not saying that all wives should work outside the home. Whether the wife contributes to the budget is not the issue. The issue is whether the wife supports the budget. Whether in poverty or in wealth, sloth was not an option. Diligence was the non-negotiable. As the wife, I tried to be diligent in my role of staying with the budget, working outside the home when it was necessary and not being bitter about it, not asking for things that we could not afford and not making Mark feel bad about not providing those things. Obviously good communication is required. Non-stop communication. No secrets being kept from each other.
I think people get divorces, due to finances, because of this reason: In Proverbs 21:20, it states,
"but fools spend whatever they get." That describes a lot of marriages, unfortunately. Does that describe yours? Be honest. Be confrontive. Get down on your knees right now and confess your love of money, not your spouse's. Ask God to reveal that same thing to your spouse.
I must add these last verses found in 1 Timothy 6:17-19.
"Tell those rich in this world's wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. If they do that, they'll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life."
You will find it hard to divorce because of finances if both of you have that attitude.
.
