"Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it." (Proverbs 31:11) I would advice you to read that blog, if you have not already done so. I will only add to that, things I have not already written. Look at this way. No one will know if you are reading a blog entitled "Sex." I have no idea that anyone even reads my blog, much less who reads them. Here is a chance to listen to a real live married person talk about sex!
Another thing to point out here.Obviously, Mark and I are not Romeo and Juliet. But the cool thing is this...we personally know the one who created sex in the first place. We talk to him on a daily basis. I pray before these blogs that God will direct my words. So that is why I would EVER stick my neck out and talk about such an explosive topic.
That being said, here goes.
I. I once again texted my daughter-in-laws and asked them to contribute their advice. They basically said "Pat, I am going to sit this one out!" See, I told you that I have very wise daughter-in-laws:) However, they stressed good communication at all times. I would argue that logic against any book on the market! Beginning way before the marriage vows are spoken, communicate about your expectations. Don't assume the other partner understands what you think sex will be like. Verbalize your feelings. Then once you are married and the blinders come off, you will need to continue to open up to each and communicate what is going on in your mind. Don't wait 6 months and then explode in frustration and accuse each other of failing to be the marriage partner you expected.
For example, the husband may be shocked when he realizes that his wife is not on the same planet when it comes to sex. I love, love, love the book Men Are Like Waffles Women Are Like Spaghetti. It was an epiphany when I realized that Mark lived in one box at a time while all of my thoughts stayed intertwined. Mark patiently explained to me that sex was simply a bigger box than the others. Continuing to talk, with a sense of humor when needed, will help work through many sexual issues. Please remember Rule #1. Always fight fair...especially in this tender area.
II. 1 Corinthians 6:16-18
There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one."
Argue if you want, but I believe that any release of the sexual drive outside of your marriage partner is also outside of God's will. The reasoning behind other forms of sexual satisfaction seem to warrant permission for "self-satisfaction," looking at pornography or even adultery. But to indulge in "sex that avoids commitment and intimacy" is heading down a slippery slope with consequences that could scar for life. One consequence is that you become "lonely than ever, never becoming one." I have mentioned in my blogs before how I love the verse in Romans 12:2 where it states "Do not be conformed to this world." The world seeks intimacy in the exact ways that bring nothing but loneliness. Good reason to take notice of what the world is doing and run in the opposite direction in the area of sex.
III. 1 Corinthians 7:2-6
It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
Marriage IS strong enough to contain sexual drives, no matter what the situation. God is promising that. He is not promising that it will be instant understanding and intimacy. There will certainly be seasons when things will be a struggle in this area. Babies zap the life out of you and take away the spontaneity you may have enjoyed previously. Illness, job loss, death of close friend or family member, and even aging itself. I love the end of this verse, "Marriage is not a place to stand up for your rights." That applies to both husbands and wives. This is the place where you "decide to serve the other." You decide. Sex is not always about how you feel. Is it okay if I say out loud that I do not always desire to have sex with Mark, even if he is a sexy stud:) But I always, always want to make Mark happy because I am committed to him.
To close this blog, I want to add that there are hundred of books that offer advice on sexual issues that arise in marriage. Be cautious. Every author is not giving you sound advice. Compare their advice to God's Word and make sure that there are no inconsistencies. Seek godly counsel from older adults you can trust. Persevere in this area until you know that you and your spouse are becoming more intimate with each passing year.
