He Will Never Leave You Or Forsake You

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””

‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6, 8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two times in 3 verses, God said that he will never leave us or forsake us. If you are a believer, you cling to that promise. There is nothing we could ever do that would cause him to turn his back on us. This gives us courage. It should take away our fear. 

“Leaving” is a physical act. “Forsaking” is an emotional act. Regardless of what we do, God will never turn His attention away from us. ~ Jimmy Evans 

Marriage is a picture of Christ and his bride. Does our spouse feel the same about way about us as this promise we receive from Christ? Does our spouse know that no sin or shortcoming would cause us to leave or forsake them?

When our spouses disappoint us, and they will, do we emotionally turn away from them? Do we literally turn our back and protect ourself from further pain? How do we react when our spouses act like a wretched sinner that Christ died for? 

We are all a bunch of wretched sinners that are not worthy of Jesus to continue to turn his face toward us. Why does he continue to turn toward us and pursue us? How is this possible? We don’t even love ourselves at times. 

When our spouse doesn’t even love themselves, the last thing they need is for us turn away from them. If we could find the strength to continue to turn towards our spouse, even when they don’t deserve it, we will be a part of the healing process. I know you may say, “But you don’t know how messed up our spouse is.” 

This something that we won’t understand until the day we stand before our maker.  God will have the words that we long to hear. 

“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things. “

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I want to hear that one day in the way I treated Mark when he disappoints me. And when I disappoint him, I hope and pray that he doesn’t turn his face away from me. That is the point of marriage. In a mysterious way, we growing closer to the Lord until the day we see him face to face. 

Top Reasons to Marry(do not miss this blog)

I wrote this blog 7 years ago. I think I will come up with 5 more reasons:)

Today is the 34th anniversary of our marriage.  Mark is taking a nap(the Sunday afternoon kind) and so it seemed like a great time to blog about my thoughts about marriage. I wrote a blog about a week ago, asking the question "Should people still get married or just live together?"  My main reason to marry was to reveal your selfish nature.  Looking back, I am smiling, "Is that all I could come up with?" Not a very persuasive reason for people to jump into marriage!  So here are some other reasons why marriage was a good decision 34 years ago.
1.  Mark and I had to make a conscious decision to work at marriage. Did we work at it everyday?  Heavens, no!  We each had our seasons of expecting the other person to do all of the work and us to reap all the benefits. Many compromises had to happen along the way.  Mark likes guy movies.  I grew up with 3 sisters so I was not used to murders every 5 minutes in my movies.  I have to admit that he weaned me off chick flicks so I would probably never choose that as my source of entertainment.  Mark loves to dance.  I am so insecure because I can't dance.  Well, along the way Mark has turned me into a little bit of a dancer. He started out with dancing with me anytime we rented a movie.  The end of the movie signaled a time to dance.  Then he snuck it in when we were making Friendship bread together.  He turns up the I Pod and we dance after the bread goes in the oven. Then, the icing on the cake was last fall. We signed for for country western dance lessons!  Many compromises.
2.  We learned so much about prayer.  Understatement!  Somewhere along the way, we agreed to make reading our Bible together and praying together every morning a top priority in our marriage.  May I add a commercial here?  If you are not reading your Bible and praying on a regular basis before you marry, you probably won't be doing that together after you are married.  We decide when we need to leave for work or whatever, and we back that up by 30-60 minutes.   If we need to leave for work by 7:00, we agree to be dressed and ready to go by 6:20.  Then we sit together in living room and read our Bible and pray together. Saturdays, we spend a longer time on the back porch. We carefully selected the chairs for the back porch.  We call them "magic moment" chairs.  A lot of life's issues have been prayed about at 6:30 at the Cooper's house.  Years of stuff. Bad, good, very sad, hopeless times, times of great joy...they all cycled through prayer.
3.  Learning to serve the other person.  I look back to the time to our early days of marriage and I cringe to think about how self-serving I was.  I was honestly afraid that if I served Mark, unconditionally, that I would just be a doormat.  This is what a lot of wives are afraid of, that they will do all the giving and get nothing in return. But isn't that the essence of the Christian life?  We are obedient, no matter how crazy it seems. The Bible is full of stories where God commanded the people to do almost foolish things and the results were unbelievable. God has shown that to be true over and over again in our marriage.  If I am obedient to his word, he takes care of the marriage part.  When I serve Mark and not worry about whether Mark will reciprocate, I am in for the sweetest joys life can offer.
4.  Seeing how your mate grows in his walk with the Lord.  Mark Cooper is simply not the same person that I married 34 years ago.  Compared to the way that I feel about Mark today, I honestly did not know what it meant to love someone. I "loved" the idea of being married. I "loved" the idea of a wedding and keeping a house.  I "loved" the idea of someone giving me attention. I "loved" the idea of having someone around to talk to and do stuff with.  I "loved" the idea of the other person completing me, whatever that is supposed to mean.  But  I cannot honestly say that I loved Mark, for who he really was, warts and all.  In fact, I closed my eyes to any warts.  I wanted to marry a perfect person, not a person with faults or weaknesses. The amazing thing about living with a growing Christian, as opposed to a perfect Christian, is that the person continues to grow and become more Christlike. As Mark becomes more Christlike, I am more attracted to this person I am spending my life with.
5.  I actually was going to name 10 things but this is getting too long. My 5th reason to get married is see God use a couple of wretched sinners to make a difference in his kingdom.  We are so very flawed.  We are so average.  I laugh sometimes when I think about how un-cool I am!  No athletic ability, whatsoever.  Can't find my way to anywhere.  I am always lost. We are not much to look at, definitely not rich, lacking in talents and yet God has blessed us by using us.  How can he?  Because we keep asking him to.  We keep putting one foot in front of the other and showing up. Showing up for prayer every morning, showing up for ministry in our church, showing up for jobs, showing up to be a parent to our married sons...not feeling confident at all in our own abilities. But we are more confident than ever in God's abilities to use us.
Let me finish by saying this...thanks for reading this blog.  I really appreciate it.  I prayed that God would speak in a mighty way to whoever reads this.  So you got prayed for.

Making Marriage a Priority, part two.

When I wrote my last blog on marriage, I did not realize that many younger women were interested in reading about an older woman's perspective on marriage. Actually when I wrote the last blog, it was 3:30 AM and I was in the middle of an incredibly stressful time.  God said the words for me to type so fast, I could hardly keep up with his thoughts. I reread it yesterday and saw many grammatical errors! Yikes! They were my mistakes, not the Lord's:).

In retrospect, many more thoughts have come to my mind. I share them only in the hopes that a young married person, or any age for the matter, will take these words to heart and apply the Biblical principals to your marriage.

Ask yourself this question before you read another word. "What kind of a marriage do I want to have 5 years from now?" What kind of marriage do I want to have 30 or 50 years from now?" You can choose.  But realize that there are no shortcuts to an amazing marriage. A marriage that impacts other people. None. God does not live in a shortcut world. He does not look at my life and say, "Pat, you can take a shortcut, an easy way, a less stressful way, a non-suffering way to look more like my Son." He is clear that his way will be more difficult and he does not have to apologize about it. Jesus said in Matthew,

 “You can enter true life only through the narrow gate. The gate to hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on the road that leads there. Many people go that way. But the gate that opens the way to true life is narrow. And the road that leads there is hard to follow. Only a few people find it.

See what I am talking about?  It makes me tremble when I read his word and allow myself to be confronted by its truth and not try to paraphrase it to be what I want it to be. How does this impact our marriage choices?

Begin by drawing a line in the sand(I love to say that) and deciding that you will make choices that will be difficult at times. Like waking up early and reading God's word and talking to Him. Mark and I wake up at 4:30 AM and read God's word and then pray together. Your schedule may not require such a ridiculous time. This is what our schedule requires this year. For years, we have made this a habit and so it was not so hard to keep this in place when my husband's job changed and he had to leave earlier this year than last year.

Here are the benefits of this. We both know what God's word says and don't have to take anyone else's word for it. We are more likely to live by the principals in the Word because we read them over and over again. They come to our mind often. God has some stuff to work with in my mind when he wants to remind me of something.

Also, it is really hard to be mad at someone if you know you are going to pray with him. Mark always has said this,"Babe, we are standing up in the foxholes and allowing the enemy to shoot at us. Let's get down and be protected together from the evil one who is trying to destroy us." That always makes perfect sense after he says that. We NEED to pray together. We HAVE to pray together to survive the bullets that are coming our way. By the way, if you don't feel any bullets coming your way and life is rosy all the time, be very worried. You must not be any threat to the enemy and he is not wasting his time on your marriage.

If you have continued to read this far, it must mean you are serious about this stuff and I am excited. Here's is the good part. The longer you continue to do this, the more attractive you will become to your husband. He will be more deeply in love with you as the years go by. You are building your marriage on a solid foundation and not on the sandy soil. When bad things come (and they will) you will be able to withstand it together. Your roots will be deep and not shallow. I love Psalm 1:

They love the Lord’s teachings
    and think about them day and night.
3 So they grow strong,
    like a tree planted by a stream—
a tree that produces fruit when it should
    and has leaves that never fall.
Everything they do is successful.

Good grief!!! How can you not want that for your life?  But it will not happen if you choose the easy way. Psalm 1 ends by saying;

The Lord shows his people how to live

but the wicked have lost their way.

If you choose the shortcut way, you will one day wake up and find that you have lost your way. That happens in a lot of marriages. It not only happens in marriages that end in divorce, it also happens in marriages where the two decide to just stay together because it is easier. You ask yourself, why did I choose this guy? I don't like the man he has become. I don't like the woman I have become. I don't know the right way anymore. 

I think I should add that the end result is not happiness and easy lives and riches and no health problems and no rebellious teens. Again, we cannot expect this side of heaven to be heaven. But we can face tomorrow with some resilience. We can face tomorrow with a clearer vision of where to walk. We can face tomorrow with the love of our life and it does not seem so scary anymore. 

I forgot to name the main reason why this is awesome for your marriage…this quiet time together every morning is like glue!  Your minds melt together. You are on the same page. Your priorities are going to start looking alike. Your desires begin to line up with God's desires so your desires line up with your husband's desires. I can say that no other single thing in your marriage will bond you together like spending time with the Lord together. Everything else is just icing on the cake. 

Giant Step For Ruth

More in Ruth...

“One day Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, I must find a home for you, where you will be well provided for.”

‭‭Ruth‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Naomi is actually saying Ruth to find “rest” in the home of a husband. 

“May the Lord grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.”

‭‭Ruth‬ ‭1:9‬a NIV‬‬

We need to understand what Ruth is being asked to do. She has left the Moabites and their customs that she is used to. She is going to have faith in the advice that Naomi is giving her. She will throw herself at the feet of this man. 

“When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.””

‭‭Ruth‬ ‭3:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two points here...Naomi is leading Ruth to take a step. Naomi loved Ruth so much that she is willing to share the way to be redeemed by their nearest relative. Do I love my friends and family so much that I want to share the way to redemption? If we know that way to salvation, why don’t we share? 

Next point, Ruth is humbling herself big time! Would you follow the advice of someone that has not grown up with the same customs and belief system as you? She is giving up every single thing she has ever known that is safe and secure. She takes a giant step of faith in what Naomi is suggesting that she do. She throws herself at the feet of this man. 

““Who are you?” he asked. “I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer of our family.””

‭‭Ruth‬ ‭3:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What a gospel moment! Jesus is telling us to cover ourselves with his garments. He promises to redeem us. The rewards are too great to describe. Many of those promises will be discovered long after our life is over. 

The rewards were unspeakable for Ruth. She receives much rewards for the rest of her life. But in eternity, she will find out that she became a part of the lineage of the Savior.

 When we receive the protection and security and salvation of Christ, we won’t see all the promises this side of heaven. There will be struggles and heartache and pain this side of heaven. But we can trust that we chose the best. We chose wisely when we throw ourselves at the feet of Jesus.

Getting Old, Part 5

I keep thinking of things I need to consider to prepare for "oldness." I will be there one day. So far, I talked about forgiving myself of past mistakes, be careful of the things I file in my mind, define my idea of a life well-spent and do not allow old age to be a time of uselessness. Today I want to ponder on the people I need to forgive.

I once read a quote about the economy of forgiveness. "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." I believe that when we hold on to grudges again a family member, a friend, a co-worker and especially when we hold to a grudge against God, we are bankrupting our spirit. We are needlessly spending way too much time, thoughts, and energy on that person and that situation. Couldn't we all use that time, thoughts and energy on something more worthwhile than hatred?

The most foolish thing that we do is to hold onto to a grudge against God. I cannot fathom how God has disappointed you. Maybe he let you down with a death of a loved one, a financial disaster, or lack of a marriage partner. Whatever it was, you may have stayed angry with God for way too long. There are endless books written on this topic, so I cannot pretend to cover this in a brief blog. However, this I know...let go of the feeling that God let you down.

Did you realize that this is one of the three major areas of sin? In a nutshell, all of sin can be put into these three categories: Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. To believe that God let you down, implies that God did not provide all that you needed to live an abundant life. You "see something" with your eyes(lust of the eyes) and you are thinking that God should not withhold that from you. Eve did that and for centuries, we have been deceived into thinking that God just did not come through for us. It is time that you let go of that false belief. I know of many older people who cannot "forgive" God for holding out on them. They are bitter and angry people.

Hopefully, you are realizing that there are some types of older people that you do not want to emulate. Well, you do not have to be like that.  But you must do something about it now before you become the person you always said you would not want to be. The cement will harden one day. I am praying for whoever reads this blog that they will take some courageous steps to becoming the older person that everyone wants to be around.

Getting Older, Part 4

A big step to becoming the older person you want to be is forgiving yourself of past mistakes. Wow! That is worth stopping by this blog for a minute. What mistakes have I made in the past that I just won't let go of?  I can make myself sick by focusing on my past failures.

Start with financial issues. I would love do over some foolish mistakes in that area. I continue to beat myself up over past financial mistakes I have incurred, things I bought that I did not need at the time, listening to that guy that sold us the frozen food plan:), buying a new car when we really should have bought a used car. My list may not be your list. But we all have a list of past mistakes in the area of finances.  I can learn from them and I have learned from them.   But I cannot change them.

Next on the list of past failures is all the diets I lost interest in.  I would still fit into my wedding dress if I had stuck with the hundreds of diets I started. I cannot change the past.  I certainly can learn from the reasons or circumstances that triggered a meltdown of my diet. I can change the future in that area.

I must add to this list, the failures as a wife, parent, teacher, or friend.  I would do many things different in personal relationships.  I must forgive myself and not continually dwell on mistakes I have made with people.

I have saved the hard issues for last.  We have all made mistakes, myself included, on moral issues. I know this is a broad category.  I am talking about lying, cheating, stealing, purity issues, or anytime we displayed a complete lack of character. Without a doubt, failures in this area have changed the path we are walking on today. It is hard to forgive ourselves of outright breaches of our "code of ethics." Your standard of right and wrong may vary from mine, especially if the Bible is not your present guiding light. Nonetheless, we have all disappointed ourselves in the way we have acted.

Which brings me to the point of this blog.  I believe that the older person I will become will be shaped largely by the amount of forgiveness I allow myself.  Think about that.  I could have lived,comparatively speaking, a failure-free life.  Impossible, yes.  But for the point of this discussion, pretend that there is person who has made very few mistakes.  However, if that person continually focuses on those past failures, they would be miserable indeed. They can learn from those failures. They cannot change what they did.

I know so many people who will not forgive themselves for past mistakes.  They are imprisoned by these so-called failures. But the funny thing is that these prison doors are not locked. They are free to leave any time they choose. Did you realize that? Be kind to the older person that you will be. Forgive yourself completely. Quit dragging around the past like a weight around your ankle. Get better, not bitter about the past.

The person you are becoming(old person part 3)

I let go of this topic for a couple of weeks.  I thought I was done. Actually,  I was done with this whole blog business.  However, about 4:00 A.M. this morning I could not go back to sleep. So these are the additional thoughts on the old person I will become.

What you are dwelling on today is who you will become.  Let that thought soak in.  You are programing into your mind the things that will be in there for the rest of your life.  Mental images are finding a spot in one of your filing systems in your brain.  We are so careless with what we put in our files!

For example, the first thing that comes to my mind is the TV shows and movies that we view. My friends and family know this about me...I do not like chick flicks.  I realize that this was probably a result of allowing my husband and sons to pick the movies they wanted to see. However, it has become more than that to me. Chick flicks are more likely to  display nudity, sex scenes, and unrealistic romantic relationships. Let's face it.  The people in the movies are portrayed as the most extraordinary lovers of all time.  The guys do not forget to put out the trash, the guys always know the right thing to say, the girls go to bed with their make-up on and look amazing in any situation and to top it off...no one ever seems to go to work!

When I constantly plant those images in my mind, Mark has no hope of competing. Especially deadly is the thousands of images placed in the minds of a single person who is looking for that kind of a person to marry.  He or she does not exist because marriages are made up of real people who mess up all the time.

2 Corinthians 10:3-6

^3-6The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

The world does not fight fair. Movies and TV shows are not produced so that I will become a better person. I want to take captive the thoughts that I  allow to creep into my mind. I want to become an older person who helps to smash down warped philosophies. I want to build a life of obedience. and maturity. I am becoming what I am allowing in my mind, no matter what my outward self is doing.
True confession...the main reason that I wanted to express these thoughts is because of the flippancy of many women who planned to see Magic Mike. Comments placed on Facebook about that movie disturbed me greatly. Hear me out.  This is not the worst movie ever. I do not mean that at all. However, it represents a general trend of society that is scary. Be careful of who you are becoming. If that is girls' night out this year, what will be girls' night out ten years from now?

***This blog was written 7 years ago. Oh my goodness...I am not a prophet, but wow! Movies have definitely gotten worse.