Making Marriage a Priority, part two.

When I wrote my last blog on marriage, I did not realize that many younger women were interested in reading about an older woman's perspective on marriage. Actually when I wrote the last blog, it was 3:30 AM and I was in the middle of an incredibly stressful time.  God said the words for me to type so fast, I could hardly keep up with his thoughts. I reread it yesterday and saw many grammatical errors! Yikes! They were my mistakes, not the Lord's:).

In retrospect, many more thoughts have come to my mind. I share them only in the hopes that a young married person, or any age for the matter, will take these words to heart and apply the Biblical principals to your marriage.

Ask yourself this question before you read another word. "What kind of a marriage do I want to have 5 years from now?" What kind of marriage do I want to have 30 or 50 years from now?" You can choose.  But realize that there are no shortcuts to an amazing marriage. A marriage that impacts other people. None. God does not live in a shortcut world. He does not look at my life and say, "Pat, you can take a shortcut, an easy way, a less stressful way, a non-suffering way to look more like my Son." He is clear that his way will be more difficult and he does not have to apologize about it. Jesus said in Matthew,

 “You can enter true life only through the narrow gate. The gate to hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on the road that leads there. Many people go that way. But the gate that opens the way to true life is narrow. And the road that leads there is hard to follow. Only a few people find it.

See what I am talking about?  It makes me tremble when I read his word and allow myself to be confronted by its truth and not try to paraphrase it to be what I want it to be. How does this impact our marriage choices?

Begin by drawing a line in the sand(I love to say that) and deciding that you will make choices that will be difficult at times. Like waking up early and reading God's word and talking to Him. Mark and I wake up at 4:30 AM and read God's word and then pray together. Your schedule may not require such a ridiculous time. This is what our schedule requires this year. For years, we have made this a habit and so it was not so hard to keep this in place when my husband's job changed and he had to leave earlier this year than last year.

Here are the benefits of this. We both know what God's word says and don't have to take anyone else's word for it. We are more likely to live by the principals in the Word because we read them over and over again. They come to our mind often. God has some stuff to work with in my mind when he wants to remind me of something.

Also, it is really hard to be mad at someone if you know you are going to pray with him. Mark always has said this,"Babe, we are standing up in the foxholes and allowing the enemy to shoot at us. Let's get down and be protected together from the evil one who is trying to destroy us." That always makes perfect sense after he says that. We NEED to pray together. We HAVE to pray together to survive the bullets that are coming our way. By the way, if you don't feel any bullets coming your way and life is rosy all the time, be very worried. You must not be any threat to the enemy and he is not wasting his time on your marriage.

If you have continued to read this far, it must mean you are serious about this stuff and I am excited. Here's is the good part. The longer you continue to do this, the more attractive you will become to your husband. He will be more deeply in love with you as the years go by. You are building your marriage on a solid foundation and not on the sandy soil. When bad things come (and they will) you will be able to withstand it together. Your roots will be deep and not shallow. I love Psalm 1:

They love the Lord’s teachings
    and think about them day and night.
3 So they grow strong,
    like a tree planted by a stream—
a tree that produces fruit when it should
    and has leaves that never fall.
Everything they do is successful.

Good grief!!! How can you not want that for your life?  But it will not happen if you choose the easy way. Psalm 1 ends by saying;

The Lord shows his people how to live

but the wicked have lost their way.

If you choose the shortcut way, you will one day wake up and find that you have lost your way. That happens in a lot of marriages. It not only happens in marriages that end in divorce, it also happens in marriages where the two decide to just stay together because it is easier. You ask yourself, why did I choose this guy? I don't like the man he has become. I don't like the woman I have become. I don't know the right way anymore. 

I think I should add that the end result is not happiness and easy lives and riches and no health problems and no rebellious teens. Again, we cannot expect this side of heaven to be heaven. But we can face tomorrow with some resilience. We can face tomorrow with a clearer vision of where to walk. We can face tomorrow with the love of our life and it does not seem so scary anymore. 

I forgot to name the main reason why this is awesome for your marriage…this quiet time together every morning is like glue!  Your minds melt together. You are on the same page. Your priorities are going to start looking alike. Your desires begin to line up with God's desires so your desires line up with your husband's desires. I can say that no other single thing in your marriage will bond you together like spending time with the Lord together. Everything else is just icing on the cake.