Getting Old, Part 5

I keep thinking of things I need to consider to prepare for "oldness." I will be there one day. So far, I talked about forgiving myself of past mistakes, be careful of the things I file in my mind, define my idea of a life well-spent and do not allow old age to be a time of uselessness. Today I want to ponder on the people I need to forgive.

I once read a quote about the economy of forgiveness. "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." I believe that when we hold on to grudges again a family member, a friend, a co-worker and especially when we hold to a grudge against God, we are bankrupting our spirit. We are needlessly spending way too much time, thoughts, and energy on that person and that situation. Couldn't we all use that time, thoughts and energy on something more worthwhile than hatred?

The most foolish thing that we do is to hold onto to a grudge against God. I cannot fathom how God has disappointed you. Maybe he let you down with a death of a loved one, a financial disaster, or lack of a marriage partner. Whatever it was, you may have stayed angry with God for way too long. There are endless books written on this topic, so I cannot pretend to cover this in a brief blog. However, this I know...let go of the feeling that God let you down.

Did you realize that this is one of the three major areas of sin? In a nutshell, all of sin can be put into these three categories: Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. To believe that God let you down, implies that God did not provide all that you needed to live an abundant life. You "see something" with your eyes(lust of the eyes) and you are thinking that God should not withhold that from you. Eve did that and for centuries, we have been deceived into thinking that God just did not come through for us. It is time that you let go of that false belief. I know of many older people who cannot "forgive" God for holding out on them. They are bitter and angry people.

Hopefully, you are realizing that there are some types of older people that you do not want to emulate. Well, you do not have to be like that.  But you must do something about it now before you become the person you always said you would not want to be. The cement will harden one day. I am praying for whoever reads this blog that they will take some courageous steps to becoming the older person that everyone wants to be around.

Getting Older, Part 4

A big step to becoming the older person you want to be is forgiving yourself of past mistakes. Wow! That is worth stopping by this blog for a minute. What mistakes have I made in the past that I just won't let go of?  I can make myself sick by focusing on my past failures.

Start with financial issues. I would love do over some foolish mistakes in that area. I continue to beat myself up over past financial mistakes I have incurred, things I bought that I did not need at the time, listening to that guy that sold us the frozen food plan:), buying a new car when we really should have bought a used car. My list may not be your list. But we all have a list of past mistakes in the area of finances.  I can learn from them and I have learned from them.   But I cannot change them.

Next on the list of past failures is all the diets I lost interest in.  I would still fit into my wedding dress if I had stuck with the hundreds of diets I started. I cannot change the past.  I certainly can learn from the reasons or circumstances that triggered a meltdown of my diet. I can change the future in that area.

I must add to this list, the failures as a wife, parent, teacher, or friend.  I would do many things different in personal relationships.  I must forgive myself and not continually dwell on mistakes I have made with people.

I have saved the hard issues for last.  We have all made mistakes, myself included, on moral issues. I know this is a broad category.  I am talking about lying, cheating, stealing, purity issues, or anytime we displayed a complete lack of character. Without a doubt, failures in this area have changed the path we are walking on today. It is hard to forgive ourselves of outright breaches of our "code of ethics." Your standard of right and wrong may vary from mine, especially if the Bible is not your present guiding light. Nonetheless, we have all disappointed ourselves in the way we have acted.

Which brings me to the point of this blog.  I believe that the older person I will become will be shaped largely by the amount of forgiveness I allow myself.  Think about that.  I could have lived,comparatively speaking, a failure-free life.  Impossible, yes.  But for the point of this discussion, pretend that there is person who has made very few mistakes.  However, if that person continually focuses on those past failures, they would be miserable indeed. They can learn from those failures. They cannot change what they did.

I know so many people who will not forgive themselves for past mistakes.  They are imprisoned by these so-called failures. But the funny thing is that these prison doors are not locked. They are free to leave any time they choose. Did you realize that? Be kind to the older person that you will be. Forgive yourself completely. Quit dragging around the past like a weight around your ankle. Get better, not bitter about the past.

The person you are becoming(old person part 3)

I let go of this topic for a couple of weeks.  I thought I was done. Actually,  I was done with this whole blog business.  However, about 4:00 A.M. this morning I could not go back to sleep. So these are the additional thoughts on the old person I will become.

What you are dwelling on today is who you will become.  Let that thought soak in.  You are programing into your mind the things that will be in there for the rest of your life.  Mental images are finding a spot in one of your filing systems in your brain.  We are so careless with what we put in our files!

For example, the first thing that comes to my mind is the TV shows and movies that we view. My friends and family know this about me...I do not like chick flicks.  I realize that this was probably a result of allowing my husband and sons to pick the movies they wanted to see. However, it has become more than that to me. Chick flicks are more likely to  display nudity, sex scenes, and unrealistic romantic relationships. Let's face it.  The people in the movies are portrayed as the most extraordinary lovers of all time.  The guys do not forget to put out the trash, the guys always know the right thing to say, the girls go to bed with their make-up on and look amazing in any situation and to top it off...no one ever seems to go to work!

When I constantly plant those images in my mind, Mark has no hope of competing. Especially deadly is the thousands of images placed in the minds of a single person who is looking for that kind of a person to marry.  He or she does not exist because marriages are made up of real people who mess up all the time.

2 Corinthians 10:3-6

^3-6The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

The world does not fight fair. Movies and TV shows are not produced so that I will become a better person. I want to take captive the thoughts that I  allow to creep into my mind. I want to become an older person who helps to smash down warped philosophies. I want to build a life of obedience. and maturity. I am becoming what I am allowing in my mind, no matter what my outward self is doing.
True confession...the main reason that I wanted to express these thoughts is because of the flippancy of many women who planned to see Magic Mike. Comments placed on Facebook about that movie disturbed me greatly. Hear me out.  This is not the worst movie ever. I do not mean that at all. However, it represents a general trend of society that is scary. Be careful of who you are becoming. If that is girls' night out this year, what will be girls' night out ten years from now?

***This blog was written 7 years ago. Oh my goodness...I am not a prophet, but wow! Movies have definitely gotten worse.

The Person I Am Becoming, Part 2

Yesterday I published a blog about considering what kind of an older person you want to be. I wanted to continue in that vein of thought. As we grow older, many of us constantly look back over our life and give it a grade based on  how successful we think we have been.  Let's stop there for today and ponder what that really means.  When I look reflect on my past, I must admit I give it an A in some areas and a failing grade in others.

For example, I have had a rich, rewarding career in teaching. I have loved so many students! They are all my favorites.  I have taught mostly 8th graders.  I like to think that I have laughed with them, cried with them, pushed them to think out of the box, hugged them when life was crashing all around them(everyday occurrence for an 8th grader) and tried to teach them all the life lessons that they needed to survive. Probably an A in that area.  Check that off.

However, when I move to the parenting area, I tremble a little.  I grade myself very harshly in that area. I look back and think of a million things I would have done differently. I would like a do-over. Maybe I should add that my sons turned out to be the most magnificent men on the planet! But deep down, I know that I can't take any credit. The Lord did that in their lives, not me.

In the area of ministry, I tend to give it a C. Mark and I have taught Sunday School for almost the entire 41 years of our married life.  I would give it a much higher grade if we had been the janitors or the coffee servers, an area where we got absolutely no recognition.

Realize that you will do that one day.  Start the process now.  All of us would like to look back over the years and say "that was a life well spent." Notice that your definition of success will have nothing to do with money. No one on their deathbed will be wishing they had made more money. No one. Today may be the best time to redefine your definition of success. Stay focused on what is important in life. You aren't getting any younger:)

P. S. I wrote a blog called "Ordering Your World." I talked about setting goals and priorities. Check it out.
P.S.S. I do not think my spell-checker is working.  I think I am a decent speller but I do know there will be a mistake or two. Forgive!

Don't make up excuses to be the hands and feet of Christ

“He wanted to see who Jesus was. There were many others who wanted to see Jesus too. Zacchaeus was too short to see above the people. So he ran to a place where he knew Jesus would come. Then he climbed a sycamore tree so he could see him.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭19:3-4‬ ‭ERV‬‬

Good grief I love this story! Zacchaeus could have made up lots of excuses that he could not see Jesus. His was a legitimate excuse. He was too short. He did not have a lot of friends because he was a tax collector. But he “ran to a place where he knew he could find Jesus and then climbed a tree so he could see him.”

A lot of people have excuses that they cannot be more Christlike. They don’t say it like that. They use other words like, “I am too busy or I will one day when I retire or if my children are older or if I was married or if I was richer or etc.”

I met this guy named Jesse this week. My dad passed away on Saturday and this guy was one of the many people that were the hands and feet of Christ. He was a busy guy who worked at least two jobs. He was a person of another race. He was not married. However, he had no excuses to come and serve my mom who was a complete stranger to him.

He brought a pecan pie, chicken wings, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, greens(that’s a Mississippi thing and you would not understand), bucket of fried chicken, sweet potatoes, and carton of eggs. But this did not compare to what he did for Mimi. He had the biggest hug for her. He kept encouraging her that she would be okay. In a state that is plagued with racial issues, he never saw her color. He never thought that her house was nicer than his. He just wanted to be like Christ.

Somewhere along the way in Jesse’ s life, he decided that he would not use any excuses to “see Jesus.” He would do whatever it took to find him. And he found him.

Dealing with Hurts

““Why do you notice the small piece of dust that is in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood that is in your own? Why do you say to your friend, ‘Let me take that piece of dust out of your eye’? Look at yourself first! You still have that big piece of wood in your own eye. You are a hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to get the dust out of your friend’s eye.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭ERV‬‬

I love to read. I love to read books involving spiritual growth. I really like to read devotions. About 50% of them deal, in some way, with people that are struggling with forgiveness. Everyone has been hurt by a family member, boss, friend, co-worker, ...you name it. Sometimes the hurt was small. Sometimes it was a gigantic betrayal.

I've noticed that people deal with hurt in many ways. Many turn to addictions to avoid dealing with the hurt. Food is a popular medicine to use when you are hurt. The enemy tells you that if you eat enough, you will feel better. I've never seen food cure the problem.

Alcohol or drugs have been used to ease the pain. That just causes more problems. Another popular way to ease the pain is entertainment. The enemy tells you that if you look at enough social media, enough tv, enough movies, enough travel to fun places- you will feel better. Nothing wrong with entertainment. However, it is not a substitute for a medicine that you need for a lonely, messed up heart.

I noticed that if you don't deal with it in a healthy way, the bitterness just grows and grows and threatens to destroy your life. I'm not a licensed psychologist but I know this to be true. You have to deal with your own heart and not wait on the other person to deal with theirs. There is nothing you can do to change the other person. You can pray for them but your words or actions can't change them.

While you wait on God to change them, your job is to look for logs in your own life and ask God to change you. I see that in my own life. When I get mad at Mark, the temptation is to point the flashlight on Mark. But that never, ever solves anything. It only makes it worse. And if I don't deal with it with wisdom, it just grows and grows. As soon as possible, I need to ask God to point the flashlight at me, do surgery on me and transform me.

If you are struggling with forgiving someone, even with a small thing, pull the weed out before it chokes you to death. If you are only 1% off in your spiritual life and you don't deal with it now, it will become 99% one day. I know some old people that started out with a lack of forgiveness and they thought that it would not hurt to hold on to it. It's not a pretty sight. Be kind to the old person that you will become.