He Will Never Leave You Or Forsake You

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””

‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6, 8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two times in 3 verses, God said that he will never leave us or forsake us. If you are a believer, you cling to that promise. There is nothing we could ever do that would cause him to turn his back on us. This gives us courage. It should take away our fear. 

“Leaving” is a physical act. “Forsaking” is an emotional act. Regardless of what we do, God will never turn His attention away from us. ~ Jimmy Evans 

Marriage is a picture of Christ and his bride. Does our spouse feel the same about way about us as this promise we receive from Christ? Does our spouse know that no sin or shortcoming would cause us to leave or forsake them?

When our spouses disappoint us, and they will, do we emotionally turn away from them? Do we literally turn our back and protect ourself from further pain? How do we react when our spouses act like a wretched sinner that Christ died for? 

We are all a bunch of wretched sinners that are not worthy of Jesus to continue to turn his face toward us. Why does he continue to turn toward us and pursue us? How is this possible? We don’t even love ourselves at times. 

When our spouse doesn’t even love themselves, the last thing they need is for us turn away from them. If we could find the strength to continue to turn towards our spouse, even when they don’t deserve it, we will be a part of the healing process. I know you may say, “But you don’t know how messed up our spouse is.” 

This something that we won’t understand until the day we stand before our maker.  God will have the words that we long to hear. 

“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things. “

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I want to hear that one day in the way I treated Mark when he disappoints me. And when I disappoint him, I hope and pray that he doesn’t turn his face away from me. That is the point of marriage. In a mysterious way, we growing closer to the Lord until the day we see him face to face. 

Who Are You Judging?

“So why do you judge your brother or sister in Christ? Or why do you think that you are better than they are? We will all stand before God, and he will judge us all.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14:10‬ ‭ERV‬‬

“So each of us will have to explain to God about the things we do.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14:12‬ ‭ERV

I think if we let the weight of these verses hit us, it will change us forever.

Take marriage, for example. When our spouse disappoints us or makes us unhappy, we focus on their sin problem. We, in essence, judge them as it describes in verse 10. I think that we act as if God will not notice that we did that. However, it says in verse 12, we will have to explain "the things that we did."

I have to remind myself that I will stand before the Lord one day and explain how I treated Mark. Wow! Keep that thought in your mind when you judge your spouse. It will be silly to say to God, "Mark did not remember to take out the trash on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That made me mad." Keep in mind that I am using a silly example. Mark always takes out the trash, as long as I set it right by the coffee pot:):):).

Fill in the blank. God, my spouse does this____. Name it...whatever the thing is that gives you the right to judge him. Just name it. Practice saying this excuse before the Lord one day. Will this excuse hold up? Will this make it okay to judge him, even though Romans 14:10 says not to judge but to love?

I firmly believe that when I stand before the creator of the universe one day, He will want to know how did I love Mark. He put Mark in my life to love and cherish and serve. God will ask me, "How did you do?" Jesus loved Mark enough to die for Mark. I do want to wow God's heart when I loved Mark when he didn't take out the trash or serve me. I would love to hear God say, "I noticed that time when Mark did so and so and you forgave him and loved him anyway."

This post may not apply to your marriage. Who in your life are you judging?

Jesus Can Heal Anybody

At a marriage conference I went to last weekend, Michael Todd, pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, OK, was the keynote speaker. John 9:1-3 was the topic.

“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

There is so much truth wrapped up in this story that I have missed most of my life. The disciples were analyzing the man’s problem. He had been blind from birth so obviously he did nothing wrong to earn this blindness. It must have been his parent’s sin. To have been born blind seemed like a punishment for something. However, Jesus says, “This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

Are there times in your life, maybe even your marriage, that you try to decide why are you being punished? You may think that perhaps your problem in marriage is caused by your sinful choices and that may very well be true. Maybe you put the blame on someone else like your parents got a divorce and so you did not have a good example. Or you just blamed it on your spouse. They never changed and you counted on them to become more mature or less selfish. Plenty of blame to go around.

Once we pull this story away from being about blindness, we may relate to it in a different way. There was a huge problem and the disciples wanted to place blame on someone or something. Once we place blame, we try to make plans on how to solve that problem.

But now we can hear what Jesus says in a different light.

Jesus says, “This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” 

Wow! Maybe the punishment is not a punishment at all but a way to provide a platform for Jesus to be amazing, transforming, and miraculous. Pause for a minute and read that again. This crisis that you are going through may not be punishment for what you or someone did. Maybe this can be viewed as a way to open our eyes up to “see the works of God displayed in our life.” Our eyes are temporarily blind to God’s power. But they can be opened.

Okay, here is the good part.

“After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.” Verse 6

(The speaker brought this to life. He actually took dirt and spit in the dirt and put it on a guy’s eyes. Literally!)

What does this make you think about? How would you feel if the doctor told you that the cure for your problem was some dirt? What if he put some dirt in his hands and literally spit in his hands? I know you would have his license taken away. 😄😄😄

On the other hand, what if you had terminal cancer and this really was the cure? You would do anything. When Jesus took dirt from the ground and used his own saliva, that guy could have heard the spit with those blind eyes. (We heard it from the audience.) Other people in the Bible received their sight with a spoken word. Jesus used a really messy treatment...dirt and spit.

Brings us to a question...how bad do you want your problem cured? Is it worth getting really messy and embarrassed? If it is not a simple fix, do we decline the offer to have our sight restored and our marriage restored? If it involves hard and messy work, do we say ,”Never mind. I would rather keep my blindness.”

Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.”

‭‭John‬ ‭9:1-3, 6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Notice that Jesus did not walk him to the pool to wash off his eyes. I bet it was a moment or two of total silence when the guy had to find his way to the pool. The speaker made a great point here. When God is silent, it’s like the teacher of a class and we are taking a math test. It is total silence in the room. God is waiting on us to be obedient to what he told us to do.

This blind guy got released! Jesus did not see the guy as the “blind guy.” He saw him as a guy who had the potential to see. He doesn’t see our marriages as too far gone. He sees us as two people who could receive release from our blindness. And he would get all the glory because the impossible just happened!

Know Your Spouse’s Worth to Christ

“Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I believe that we will not ever fully understand how much Christ loves us. We have no clue. The minute we step into his presence, we will drop to our knees and be overwhelmed with the way Christ loves us and tenderly cares for us.  Notice that Jesus cleansed us and presented us as radiant, without stain or wrinkle.  Your spouse has that same worth.

How does God criticize us? Notice from these verses that Jesus does not get in our face and ridicule us and scream at us and make fun of us. He washed us with kindness. That’s how we should confront our spouse.

This was one of the biggest statements that stopped us in our tracks at the marriage conference that we attended last weekend. The way Jesus reacts when we are wrong. He never walks up to us and berates us. He never gets annoyed. He doesn’t talk about us in a negative way. He does not give us the silent treatment. He does not leave the house and stay gone to punish us.

I love that Jimmy Evans talked about the difference in the gardener mentality verses the consumer reality. The gardener sees a sick tree and tries to love it back to health. The consumer mentality sees a sick tree and takes it back for a better, more healthy one. Again how does Jesus see our worth? That’s how we should see our spouse.

The other illustration is the renter and the owner mentality. The renter has foundations problems. There is no way the renter would stay and fix that costly problem. The owner will stay and fix it no matter what the cost.  When we encounter a costly problem in our marriage, will we have a renter or owner mentality? People who are more likely divorce, according to statistics, do not have a strong work ethic and do not desire to stay and fix the problem.

Mark and I want to treat each other like Christ loved the church and knows it’s worth. Next time Mark gets me mad or annoyed, I pray that I react like Jesus treats me...with encouragement and underserved love. Next time I use up too much data accidentally or run into new garage door without opening it(how did that happened?). Mark, remember you are a gardener and not a consumer. You’ve had me too long and you can’t take me back.😊

Unpack Your Past

Mark and I heard some of the best speakers this past weekend at a marriage retreat. One of the most insightful talks was given by Tim Ross, Senior pastor at Embassy City Church. He talked about the baggage that we bring into our marriage. Baggage is not the problem because we all have baggage. Mark and I have referred to this talk several times since we heard him. Here is his four points.

First, bring your bags. Adam, and Eve were not aware. 

“The Lord God called to the man and said, “Where are you?” The man said, “I heard you walking in the garden, and I was afraid. I was naked, so I hid.” God said to the man, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat fruit from that special tree? I told you not to eat from that tree!””

Genesis 3:9-11 ERV

Think about that. Why did God have to point out that they were naked? That is the most obvious thing about us is whether we have clothes on or not. But I can honestly say there a lot of people I know that have no clue, whatsoever, that they came with baggage into their marriage. Their spouse may have baggage but not them...no way. Great marriages are two people who are self-aware. Keenly, self aware. They know what are their strengths and what are their weakness. They know how they are different from their spouse. Not a vague realization but a clear understanding of their difference and an appreciation of the fact that this is a good thing. 

Secondly, unpack your bags. When Samuel told Saul that he would be Israel’s first king, listen to Saul reaction.

“Then they asked the Lord, “Has Saul come here yet?” The Lord said, “Saul is hiding behind the supplies.””

1 Samuel 10:22 ERV

Saul was a head taller than anyone but he hid behind the baggage. Mark and I talked a lot after returning home about what was the baggage that we brought into our marriage 40 years ago. We had to get anything out in the open and not try to hide behind it and make excuses for them.

After we do this, we needed to sort through our baggage. Sort through our stuff and identify whose stuff is whose. When we come home from a trip, we always have to unpack our bags and just pick which things are ours. How foolish it would be to not claim any of the clothes just because we are too lazy to wash our things. But there are a lot of people who are just that unmotivated. They do not want to go to the trouble of dealing with their baggage. It is hard to deal with our faults. It much easier to blame everything on the other person and let them deal with it. 

Last step is to put away your stuff. If we came home from a trip and I washed all the stuff and put them in the middle of the floor until the next trip...not a good plan. Same thing with the baggage in our marriage, laying out everywhere. Sort it and talk about it and then put it up. It is much easier to deal with the individual item when it comes up again because it will, and you already know how to find it. 

Mark and I LOVED getting a lot of things out in the open. No matter how big or small your baggage was in your past, don’t leave it packed up. It will be smelly and wrinkled and gross if you leave it packed up and hidden in a suitcase. You are not fooling anyone, especially the love of your life. 

Are We Judging Our Spouse

“So why do you judge your brother or sister in Christ? Or why do you think that you are better than they are? We will all stand before God, and he will judge us all.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14:10‬ ‭ERV‬‬

“So each of us will have to explain to God about the things we do.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14:12‬ ‭ERV

I think if we let the weight of these verses hit us, it will change us forever.

Take marriage, for example. When our spouse disappoints us or makes us unhappy, we focus on their sin problem. We, in essence, judge them as it describes in verse 10. I think that we act as if God will not notice that we did that. However, it says in verse 12, we will have to explain "the things that we did."

I have to remind myself that I will stand before the Lord one day and explain how I treated Mark. Wow! Keep that thought in your mind when you judge your spouse. It will be silly to say to God, "Mark did not remember to take out the trash on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That made me mad." Keep in mind that I am using a silly example. Mark always takes out the trash, as long as I set it right by the coffee pot:):):).

Fill in the blank. God, my spouse does this____. Name it...whatever the thing is that gives you the right to judge him. Just name it. Practice saying this excuse before the Lord one day. Will this excuse hold up? Will this make it okay to judge him, even though Romans 14:10 says not to judge but to love?

I firmly believe that when I stand before the creator of the universe one day, He will want to know how did I love Mark. He put Mark in my life to love and cherish and serve. God will ask me, "How did you do?" Jesus loved Mark enough to die for Mark. I do want to wow God's heart when I loved Mark when he didn't take out the trash or serve me. I would love to hear God say, "I noticed that time when Mark did so and so and you forgave him and loved him anyway."

Who in your life are you judging?

Explosions in Marriage

Mark and I were talking and I sweetly mentioned one little thing…and Mark exploded in anger. Did you catch the phrase "one little thing?" Mark calls these "one word explosions" These explosions happen when one of us mention a topic that reminds our spouse of a ongoing disagreement. I asked Mark if he had taken care of something and he said he had not had time. I innocently said ,"you had time to watch the game last night." I knew when I said it that it would cause an argument. Why do we do that? 
There are topics in every marriage that we can't seem to get past. It is a different topic for every couple. I am married to a football coach. Football has been a part of our marriage for many years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with football. But football represents to me a different thing than it may to you. It reminds me of taking our boys to a million practices by myself. It reminds me of ballgames on Friday nights when I would rather have date night. It represents the fall season devoted to football on TV when I would love to watch a movie together. It reminds me of just being by myself a lot.We have been through this issue more times than I care to count. So when I say "you had time to watch the game last night" it means I am pushing the button. 
Now I must say, I have come a long way in understanding Mark's love of football. I look forward to football season and seeing the joy on Mark's face. He grieves in January when all the games are over and we have to settle for another sport. I am proud that he is pouring into young lives by coaching them in football. But there is still the time issue that we deal with and hence the comment I made. 
You have an issue that is your hot topic in marriage. It is the one that keeps coming up. When a hint of that topic creeps in…an explosion occurs. We were talking about this in our young married's class last Sunday. One of the guys suggested that we also know the one topic that brings a smile every time to our spouse. For me it is a short comment from Mark, "Hey slim." I guess that stems from years of being overweight and finally doing something about this three years ago. When Mark mentions something about me looking young, it is like a deposit in my bank account! I could live off that compliment for a long time. For Mark, it is a mention of how thankful I am for his constant leadership in our family. I could say anything that reeks of respect! I could have thanked Mark for all the times he has taken care of things instead of making a remark about the one time he did not.
I have to ask myself, "Do I want to make a deposit or a withdrawal to Mark's bank account?" Full bank accounts are nice to have. Having an emergency fund is a wise thing. It is not smart to jerk money of our spouse's emotional bank account when we could have avoided it. 
Remember, "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

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Making Marriage a Priority

I spoke to a group of young women last week about making marriage a priority. I decided that other women may want to hear what I said. By no means am I am expert! I just spoke what I feel like God led me to say. This is the "edited" version. Safe for all viewers:)
Making our marriage a priority means it comes before all other relationships in our life. I think we all have to come to grips with the battle we are in against the enemy. We cannot afford to take this lightly. The older I get, the more I realize that the verse "he comes to kill, steal and destroy, " is for real. He really means that. The enemy wants to destroy your marriage, steal the joy you can find in marriage, kill the love you have for each other. He is crafty. He will pick the very things that will accomplish his plan. The thing that will drive you the craziest. Because when he destroys your marriage, he harms your children, your testimony, your faith. This was the first relationship that God established...before children, before jobs, before church ministry.

Before we go any further, understand that marriage is not just a sweet little thing about sex, date nights, love notes, making you happy. It is a relationship that defines you, sanctifies you, bring glory to God's name. How can we fight for this marriage? Read first Corinthians chapter 13 if you don't know how to love. Love is not defined by how that person makes you feel. When God says he loves you, you don't bring a thing to the table, not your talents, your looks, your wisdom. He simply "loves." By the way, God does not give a rip about your happiness...do you know that? He cares about your holiness. When the Bible says that "Jesus lives to intercede for us." It means that in heaven, right now, he is discussing you and what it will take in your life to make you more holy, more like him. And that will never be accomplished by "no suffering" life. My favorite phrase is "suffering makes you grow up."

Thinking about marriage in this way brings a whole new dimension to things. When our husbands don't meet our needs, when our husbands offend us, when our husbands sin...how we react to this is the issue,  not the thing our husbands did to us. Find that in the Bible that says where that says "when a person makes you mad enough times, sins enough times, disappoints you enough times, that it is okay to be done? When you have been married 30,40 even 50 years...what our husbands become will be a reflection of OUR prayer life. If we complain about our husbands for 30 years, nothing much may change. But find a woman who prays fervently for our husbands for 30 years, wow!

So down to the practical issues. How can we love our husbands in their language? I think arguably, our husbands greatest need will be physical need of sex. We can't program them to think like we do. Just because we get wrapped up in kids, jobs, and life and we are not interested in sex for long periods does not change the fact that our husbands did not lose interest. They are not made that way. After 36 years, my husband still seems way too interested:). In fact, one reason he may say that he loves me is that he realizes that what HE needs is more important to me than what I need. After years of marriage, I have to continually lay down my happiness and put Mark's happiness before mine. At the time I am writing this, I am mad at Mark. So I have two choices. I can nurse this anger and feel justified in it. I can tell God that I am mad about this thing and see if I can get God to "side" with me:). Ha. I already know what God will say about this. His word is full of his answers of grace, mercy, unconditional love. I know what you night be thinking here. What if he does not serve me back. Guess what...If I serve Mark and forgive Mark without Mark reciprocating, ...guess what, God noticed. 

Last time I checked, the world is still advertising a lot of explicit sexual activity, the wrong way to look at women, lies about women's value. So I want to be the safe place for Mark to have his needs met. Different things work in different relationships in different season. The single most important thing I do is to look as attractive as possible for Mark, not for the world. I am not advertising to other men. You have to ask yourself this question when you walk out the door. Who am I am advertising for today with this outfit? When mark walks in the door, I am thinking about what mark would like to see. He has thanked me a million times for advertising. 

Mistakes I have made are becoming very overweight. Mark still loved me. But he really appreciates that I try harder now.  You know why...I want to be the girl he wants to come home to each night. Our husbands are visual. I want to be his vision.  Every time I tell you things that I do right, I can name ten things I do wrong. I get too busy with other things and do not want to hear his stories. Are you too busy with kids or jobs and you don't want to hear his story? One day you could regret that. 

Things that we do right may be making friendship bread and dancing when we put it in the oven, serving together in ministry, riding bikes together, dancing at end of rented movies together. Traditions is the key word. We could get some security when the world was falling apart but we knew we had a tradition with each other.

The single most used list of things to tell Mark when I want to be loving, but not not feel like it. He does not know this list exists.

http://momlifetoday.com/2013/03/62-things-to-say-to-make-your-husband-feel-great/


Draw a line in the sand and say,"I will put my husband before my kids, my job, my ministry, etc." If you don't decide that today, your marriage will be different in twenty years, when your kids move out and live in California, your job has changed, your ministry may have changed directions.  If you make a commitment to your marriage,  in twenty years you will have a vibrant, growing marriage that has withstood a lot of storms together. Your love for each other will have grown deeper and you will be married to the love of your life!