Explosions in Marriage

Mark and I were talking and I sweetly mentioned one little thing…and Mark exploded in anger. Did you catch the phrase "one little thing?" Mark calls these "one word explosions" These explosions happen when one of us mention a topic that reminds our spouse of a ongoing disagreement. I asked Mark if he had taken care of something and he said he had not had time. I innocently said ,"you had time to watch the game last night." I knew when I said it that it would cause an argument. Why do we do that? 
There are topics in every marriage that we can't seem to get past. It is a different topic for every couple. I am married to a football coach. Football has been a part of our marriage for many years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with football. But football represents to me a different thing than it may to you. It reminds me of taking our boys to a million practices by myself. It reminds me of ballgames on Friday nights when I would rather have date night. It represents the fall season devoted to football on TV when I would love to watch a movie together. It reminds me of just being by myself a lot.We have been through this issue more times than I care to count. So when I say "you had time to watch the game last night" it means I am pushing the button. 
Now I must say, I have come a long way in understanding Mark's love of football. I look forward to football season and seeing the joy on Mark's face. He grieves in January when all the games are over and we have to settle for another sport. I am proud that he is pouring into young lives by coaching them in football. But there is still the time issue that we deal with and hence the comment I made. 
You have an issue that is your hot topic in marriage. It is the one that keeps coming up. When a hint of that topic creeps in…an explosion occurs. We were talking about this in our young married's class last Sunday. One of the guys suggested that we also know the one topic that brings a smile every time to our spouse. For me it is a short comment from Mark, "Hey slim." I guess that stems from years of being overweight and finally doing something about this three years ago. When Mark mentions something about me looking young, it is like a deposit in my bank account! I could live off that compliment for a long time. For Mark, it is a mention of how thankful I am for his constant leadership in our family. I could say anything that reeks of respect! I could have thanked Mark for all the times he has taken care of things instead of making a remark about the one time he did not.
I have to ask myself, "Do I want to make a deposit or a withdrawal to Mark's bank account?" Full bank accounts are nice to have. Having an emergency fund is a wise thing. It is not smart to jerk money of our spouse's emotional bank account when we could have avoided it. 
Remember, "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

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