Making Marriage a Priority

I spoke to a group of young women last week about making marriage a priority. I decided that other women may want to hear what I said. By no means am I am expert! I just spoke what I feel like God led me to say. This is the "edited" version. Safe for all viewers:)
Making our marriage a priority means it comes before all other relationships in our life. I think we all have to come to grips with the battle we are in against the enemy. We cannot afford to take this lightly. The older I get, the more I realize that the verse "he comes to kill, steal and destroy, " is for real. He really means that. The enemy wants to destroy your marriage, steal the joy you can find in marriage, kill the love you have for each other. He is crafty. He will pick the very things that will accomplish his plan. The thing that will drive you the craziest. Because when he destroys your marriage, he harms your children, your testimony, your faith. This was the first relationship that God established...before children, before jobs, before church ministry.

Before we go any further, understand that marriage is not just a sweet little thing about sex, date nights, love notes, making you happy. It is a relationship that defines you, sanctifies you, bring glory to God's name. How can we fight for this marriage? Read first Corinthians chapter 13 if you don't know how to love. Love is not defined by how that person makes you feel. When God says he loves you, you don't bring a thing to the table, not your talents, your looks, your wisdom. He simply "loves." By the way, God does not give a rip about your happiness...do you know that? He cares about your holiness. When the Bible says that "Jesus lives to intercede for us." It means that in heaven, right now, he is discussing you and what it will take in your life to make you more holy, more like him. And that will never be accomplished by "no suffering" life. My favorite phrase is "suffering makes you grow up."

Thinking about marriage in this way brings a whole new dimension to things. When our husbands don't meet our needs, when our husbands offend us, when our husbands sin...how we react to this is the issue,  not the thing our husbands did to us. Find that in the Bible that says where that says "when a person makes you mad enough times, sins enough times, disappoints you enough times, that it is okay to be done? When you have been married 30,40 even 50 years...what our husbands become will be a reflection of OUR prayer life. If we complain about our husbands for 30 years, nothing much may change. But find a woman who prays fervently for our husbands for 30 years, wow!

So down to the practical issues. How can we love our husbands in their language? I think arguably, our husbands greatest need will be physical need of sex. We can't program them to think like we do. Just because we get wrapped up in kids, jobs, and life and we are not interested in sex for long periods does not change the fact that our husbands did not lose interest. They are not made that way. After 36 years, my husband still seems way too interested:). In fact, one reason he may say that he loves me is that he realizes that what HE needs is more important to me than what I need. After years of marriage, I have to continually lay down my happiness and put Mark's happiness before mine. At the time I am writing this, I am mad at Mark. So I have two choices. I can nurse this anger and feel justified in it. I can tell God that I am mad about this thing and see if I can get God to "side" with me:). Ha. I already know what God will say about this. His word is full of his answers of grace, mercy, unconditional love. I know what you night be thinking here. What if he does not serve me back. Guess what...If I serve Mark and forgive Mark without Mark reciprocating, ...guess what, God noticed. 

Last time I checked, the world is still advertising a lot of explicit sexual activity, the wrong way to look at women, lies about women's value. So I want to be the safe place for Mark to have his needs met. Different things work in different relationships in different season. The single most important thing I do is to look as attractive as possible for Mark, not for the world. I am not advertising to other men. You have to ask yourself this question when you walk out the door. Who am I am advertising for today with this outfit? When mark walks in the door, I am thinking about what mark would like to see. He has thanked me a million times for advertising. 

Mistakes I have made are becoming very overweight. Mark still loved me. But he really appreciates that I try harder now.  You know why...I want to be the girl he wants to come home to each night. Our husbands are visual. I want to be his vision.  Every time I tell you things that I do right, I can name ten things I do wrong. I get too busy with other things and do not want to hear his stories. Are you too busy with kids or jobs and you don't want to hear his story? One day you could regret that. 

Things that we do right may be making friendship bread and dancing when we put it in the oven, serving together in ministry, riding bikes together, dancing at end of rented movies together. Traditions is the key word. We could get some security when the world was falling apart but we knew we had a tradition with each other.

The single most used list of things to tell Mark when I want to be loving, but not not feel like it. He does not know this list exists.

http://momlifetoday.com/2013/03/62-things-to-say-to-make-your-husband-feel-great/


Draw a line in the sand and say,"I will put my husband before my kids, my job, my ministry, etc." If you don't decide that today, your marriage will be different in twenty years, when your kids move out and live in California, your job has changed, your ministry may have changed directions.  If you make a commitment to your marriage,  in twenty years you will have a vibrant, growing marriage that has withstood a lot of storms together. Your love for each other will have grown deeper and you will be married to the love of your life!