Unpack Your Past

Mark and I heard some of the best speakers this past weekend at a marriage retreat. One of the most insightful talks was given by Tim Ross, Senior pastor at Embassy City Church. He talked about the baggage that we bring into our marriage. Baggage is not the problem because we all have baggage. Mark and I have referred to this talk several times since we heard him. Here is his four points.

First, bring your bags. Adam, and Eve were not aware. 

“The Lord God called to the man and said, “Where are you?” The man said, “I heard you walking in the garden, and I was afraid. I was naked, so I hid.” God said to the man, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat fruit from that special tree? I told you not to eat from that tree!””

Genesis 3:9-11 ERV

Think about that. Why did God have to point out that they were naked? That is the most obvious thing about us is whether we have clothes on or not. But I can honestly say there a lot of people I know that have no clue, whatsoever, that they came with baggage into their marriage. Their spouse may have baggage but not them...no way. Great marriages are two people who are self-aware. Keenly, self aware. They know what are their strengths and what are their weakness. They know how they are different from their spouse. Not a vague realization but a clear understanding of their difference and an appreciation of the fact that this is a good thing. 

Secondly, unpack your bags. When Samuel told Saul that he would be Israel’s first king, listen to Saul reaction.

“Then they asked the Lord, “Has Saul come here yet?” The Lord said, “Saul is hiding behind the supplies.””

1 Samuel 10:22 ERV

Saul was a head taller than anyone but he hid behind the baggage. Mark and I talked a lot after returning home about what was the baggage that we brought into our marriage 40 years ago. We had to get anything out in the open and not try to hide behind it and make excuses for them.

After we do this, we needed to sort through our baggage. Sort through our stuff and identify whose stuff is whose. When we come home from a trip, we always have to unpack our bags and just pick which things are ours. How foolish it would be to not claim any of the clothes just because we are too lazy to wash our things. But there are a lot of people who are just that unmotivated. They do not want to go to the trouble of dealing with their baggage. It is hard to deal with our faults. It much easier to blame everything on the other person and let them deal with it. 

Last step is to put away your stuff. If we came home from a trip and I washed all the stuff and put them in the middle of the floor until the next trip...not a good plan. Same thing with the baggage in our marriage, laying out everywhere. Sort it and talk about it and then put it up. It is much easier to deal with the individual item when it comes up again because it will, and you already know how to find it. 

Mark and I LOVED getting a lot of things out in the open. No matter how big or small your baggage was in your past, don’t leave it packed up. It will be smelly and wrinkled and gross if you leave it packed up and hidden in a suitcase. You are not fooling anyone, especially the love of your life.