Seeing the same people that Jesus sees

wrote a tweet this morning that simply said " Jesus went straight to the EXACT people we ignore...the poor, the diseased, the insignificant. Find someone today that Jesus approached."

Why, oh why, did I write that and then pray for an opportunity to do this? I was driving to a staff development class that started at 8:00 AM. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I get lost VERY easily. I was driving to a new place and was extremely nervous!

I noticed a homeless man walking down the street. The reason I assumed he was homeless is because he was pushing a cart filled with all his belongings. I thought, "Oh goodness. Bless his heart." We know what "Bless your heart means." It means we are relinquishing the matter to someone else to handle.

I am continuing to drive in my nervous, lost state of mind. I am wondering if I will find this new building. All of a sudden, God reminded me of my earlier prayer. I immediately started to argue. "No way!!! You are not talking to me, God! You know how I am. I am female. I may get lost if I turn around. I may be late and be embarrassed. I only have $5 in my purse."

This went on for less than a mile. The farther away I got, the greater the chance I had of being late. God did not scream or condemn me. He gently reminded me of my prayer. I asked for this opportunity and he provided it. I have walked with the Lord for many years and I know how good it feels to just be obedient, even when I don't understand.

So I turned around and drove back to find the man. When I reached him, I gave him the $5 and the breakfast I had planned to eat at the conference. I told him that God had asked me to stop and tell him that God truly loved him and had not forgotten him. He smiled, as his eyes filled with tears. I drove on to my conference. The song "I raise my white flag!  I surrender all to you!" was on the radio. I raised my hand and told God that I surrendered to His ways, not mine.

God's accounting system is vastly different from ours. A cup of cold water given in his name is a big deal. I'm glad I gave that cup of water. Jesus said that when we give it "to one of the least of his children" it's like giving it to him. Wow!!! What an honor to serve Jesus Christ today!

Attracting your husband, part 3

Quick blog...my computer is broken, but I have some thoughts that won't wait. I'll just type this on my IPhone.
"Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. (Colossians 3:18 MSG)"

There are so many things we gain by learning how to submit, even when submitting does not make sense. A popular phrase that I heard yesterday "give respect so that you will earn respect." I have not read a verse in the Bible that backs up this principal.

Sometimes, the person will not earn our respect, but we obediently give our respect anyway. My dad did not have to earn my submission and respect. He just expected it because he was my dad. God absolutely does not have to earn my respect in any way shape or form. I can't wait to understand God ways before yielding to his authority.

Same way with our husbands. Fit in with his plans. Encourage him. Respect him. I am writing this to myself because I am so strong-willed. The reward of respecting Mark...I grow more in my walk with the Lord. When we obey, especially when we do not agree, we grow some muscles that we never had before.

I'll end this blog by saying that you actually can't work to attract your husband! You can grow in your relationship with Christ and pretty soon as you look more like Christ, you will attract your husband's attention.

An attractive wife, part 2

If you happened to read my blog yesterday, I named some qualities that I think makes us more attractive to our husbands.  I skirted the issue of looks on purpose.  However, realizing that our husbands are very visual creatures, our appearance is very important. There are about a million other women that are more attractive than me. But Mark seems to think I look like a movie star. Tells me that beauty is way more than outward appearance.  I am not setting myself up as an expert here.  Just being brave enough to confront some fears that we face with our appearance.

First of all, I do not believe that our husbands are so shallow that they expect perfection from our appearance.  If your husband is really that shallow, he has a character flaw and you can only minimize character flaws with prayer, not nagging.  For the other 99% of our husbands, I believe our men desire us to spend time on our appearance but not obsess. Obsessing is NOT attractive.  I have spent a lot of money and time, doing just that...obsessing. At this point in my life, I am concerned more with eating healthy and exercising, and less on a perfect weight.

I will mention a few things that I have begun to do.  My nature is to give a ton of "unwanted advice."  I will answer any comments if someone wanted more details on my journey.

Step one:  Make sure you are eating a well balanced diet and cooking these things for your family. There is nothing attractive about feeding your spouse and kids a bunch of take out food. I actually eliminated most of my dining out.  Mark and I may eat out once a week on date night. There is just too many bad choices at most restaurants. I have learned over the years that you must eat tons of fruits and vegetables in order to maintain your weight.  I have also learned that you need to replace meals at least once a day with a low calorie option. My husband sells Shakeology and he has finally gotten me to drink that once a day.  I am hooked on it.  Notice the subtle hint.  I am supporting my husband because that is important to him.  He loves me for drinking that shake with him!

Step two:  Make sure you are exercising on a consistent basis. Let me add that I am not a former athlete.  I was not allowed to drive out of the driveway on my bike.  I am not kidding.  We had 4 girls in our family and we played with Barbie dolls and read books. Since we could not leave the driveway, we roller skated, forwards and backwards on our carport.  My mom was a tad overprotective:)   I never played a sport. One day in 8th grade, I did try out for basketball and we ran up the bleachers, I threw up and never came back

My exercise journey began with walking.  Anyone can walk.  Next I progressed to riding a treadmill and reading a book while I rode.  I read a lot of books:)  In January I began, at age 56, to lift weights.  Oh my goodness.  I can lift weights with the best of them.  Mark stalked me through the window of the Body Pump class to see if I was being careful.  He decided that I was doing okay and he tells me all the time how proud he is.

Next big, big step...riding bikes with Mark.  We ride about 15 miles together several times a week.  It started out slow.  I would not allow Mark to ask me how I was doing because it would make me cry.  I could not say anything positive about riding bikes so I told him to quit asking me. Today I rode next to him the whole way!!!  I rode next to Superman!!!  He appreciates that I am living way out of my comfort zone.   I wish you could see the smile on his face.

I want to tell you that I met Mark at a skating party.  How did I manage to meet him?  I was a little tricky.  I came up to Mark and asked him sweetly if he could teach me how to roller skate backwards. He probably thought I was athletic because I caught on so quickly:) The rest is history. 

I say all this to say that if I can ride a bike 15 miles, anybody can do it.  If I can lift weights, anyone can.  I have not met anyone yet who cannot walk for daily exercise. I believe that our husbands enjoy seeing us work hard to improve ourselves to be more attractive to them.

One last word of advice.  Don't let the world pick your standards in appearance. Do not be conformed to this world.  It will bite you every time. Good luck impressing your husband.

An attractive wife

I have been giving this topic a lot of thought...34 years actually!   What really makes a woman attractive?  From the time we realize that boys are not yucky, we are created to desire their attention. The first female, Eve, had this desire placed in her. In Genesis 3:16, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. ”  We can't help it if we tried!

It is normal to crave the attention of the male species. When we dress in the morning, we think about what outfit will get the desired effect. As an aside, I want to issue a word of warning.  When you walk out of the house dressed inappropriately, you are advertising to a lot of men not just your husband.  You did not just accidentally put on a low cut top or shorts that show way more than what needs to be shown. You purposely chose that outfit.   Would you walk up to any married man and say, "Please notice me? I don't care what your wife thinks, just notice me." Of course not!  But you are doing the same thing when you dress inappropriately.  Listen to my next statement.  I am not mad when you do that, I am wondering why you need that much attention from the wrong guy. Ask yourself that question sometime.

I have made some observations over my many years.  One interesting observation is that some incredibly beautiful women in the movie business seemed to get divorces at an alarming rate. Outward beauty does not seem to be enough.  So what makes ordinary women like us stand a chance? If beauty does not guarantee marriage success, what do we need to do to be attractive to our husbands?

First of all, I love the story of Ruth in the Bible.  The qualities she possessed were enviable. She was submissive to her mother-in-law out of sheer kindness.  She followed her back to her homeland after her husband died. She served her by going out every day to gather food. She gathered the food for their household!  I will tell you what speaks loudly to me here. She honored her husband's family.  How many times have you heard someone say mean things about their spouse's mom or family?  It is actually rare to find a wife who does not do this. I have made it a point to not say anything negative to Mark about any of his family.  They have warts, just like my family.  He loves and appreciates that I do not do that.

Another story that I dearly love is the story of Esther.  To condense the story, Esther was asked by her Jewish cousin, Mordecai, to confront the King about the soon-to-be massacre of the Jewish people.  She knew that, even though the King was her husband, she would be killed if he did not hold out the golden scepter to her when she approached.  During that time period, it was a high risk position in which to be found.  She decided to approach her husband, by whom she had not been summoned in many months. She invited him to two intimate dinners before she made her request to save her people. I can't help but imagine that he was delighted by such a wife who displayed courage and cleverness and he granted her request immediately. I believe that Mark is attracted to courage and cleverness and not always living in the safe lane.

I could go on and on by examples in the Bible of women who gained the respect and love of their husband by just being a woman of character. Men are not attracted to sleaze.  Men are attracted to females who have more than good looks. Our husbands attracted to trustworthiness.  Mark needs to feel safe with me. I believe men are attracted to confident women.  I am not talking about boastful women.  I have seen a lot of wives brag about how they make more money than their husbands, work harder than their husbands, are smarter than their husbands, etc.  Good grief, what are they thinking?  I am talking about confident women who know that their value is found in the Lord, not their husband.

I am realizing that this blog opened a lot of thoughts in my heart.  I write this blog to speak truth.  I would love to think that some women may read this blog and hear a different way of looking at things.

I going to have a cliff-hanger.  Tomorrow I am going to talk about some physical characterics that matter to our husband. Check back with me.

Are You Asking Often Enough?

I have been out of town for ten days.  I hate being out of town.  I am a homebody at heart. I especially missed blogging.  So many thoughts get crammed up in my head and they need to come out!
I wanted to share a powerful thought about my trip.  Several things happened that needed prayer...urgent prayer. My first response is to not "bother" God with a request.  Satan tells us that God cannot be bothered with us.  He gets us to doubt God's provision and care.

 I mentioned this a few blogs ago. Every sin can be put in one of three categories. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life are demonstrated in the Bible. Not those words, but those situations. When Adam and Eve were tempted by the serpent, he used these three temptations.

 He said to Eve, "Do I understand that God told you to not eat ANY fruit of the garden?" He was attempting to get Eve to think that God was withholding good things. He wants us to think that God does not want to provide every good thing.  Admit it.  How often do you find yourself thinking that God would not hear you when you ask for a need?

The other two sins are more obvious. We want to meet a physical need(lust of the flesh) even if it is wrong for us or we need to wait. Even greater is the desire to be put first(pride of life).  However, the lust of the eyes can really trip us up. We see others getting everything they need and we are missing out.

Pretty soon, we do not even ask because we are mad at God.  We quit seeing him as the "owner of the cattle on a thousand hills(Psalm 50:10)." We stop seeing him as our perfect Father who "if we ask for bread, will he give us a stone?(Matthew 7:9)" We forget that in Luke 11, it says," Ask and you will get, Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be open to you." Does that sound like someone that is stingy?

So this week, when I needed some help, I asked and it was provided. I asked with confidence and boldness. God answered and it felt normal.  I realized that my Father wants me to ask because he wants to give and give generously. He especially wants me to ask when I cannot meet that need in my own strength or wisdom or power. He receives the glory when I am at the end of my rope.  Let's never stop asking. Let's quit asking for small things that we already can see how the end turns out.
Let's ask for the unseen and not the seen. When we start praying like that...get ready for some laughter and excitement when he answers us!

 

Your personality type and your marriage
I wanted to continue in the theme of understanding our personality types and how they affect our relationships. If you did not read the previous blog, I suggest that you take a second to read it. Also, if you have never done so, take one of the personality tests. I provided links to three of the most used.  I will use the Gary Smalley test names:  Lion, Otter, Beaver and Golden Retriever. No particular reason. They all have the similar traits in their testing.  I just like the names of animals that they use.

Early in our marriage, we both took several different personality tests.  We were intrigued with the idea that people tend to belong to one of the four personality types or at least, a strong bent toward one. Over the years, we may have gravitated slightly.  However, overall we stayed close to the original testing results.  As frustrating as it may be to see your spouse display the negative traits of a Lion or an Otter, it is comforting to know their good traits are probably the reason why you married them.
Let me give you an example of how this plays out in our marriage.  Let me say from the beginning, I am by no means a psychologist or psychoanalyst or counselor. I can only state how I have seen this demonstrated in 34 years of marriage...and it fascinates me.  I will tell you that I have many tendencies of a "Lion."  The motto..."Trust me! It'll work out!" describes me very well. I am not sure why everyone else does not feel this way:) 
As you can tell from the following list, every positive has a corresponding negative. If you only read the left side, sounds like a nice person to have on your team. Unfortunately, you have to take the bad with the good.

Likes authority. ………………...Too direct or demanding

Takes charge……………….…..Pushy; can step in front of others

Determined. …………………... Overbearing

Confident. …………………..…. Cocky

Enterprising. ……………..….... Takes big risks

Problem solver. ………….….... Too busy

Productive. ……….……….…... Overlooks feelings; do it now!

Bold. …………………….……... Insensitive

Purposeful; goal driven…..….... Imbalanced; workaholic

Decision maker. ………….….... Unthoughtful of others' wishes

Adventurous. ………………… .. Impulsive

Strong 'willed …………………...Stubborn

Controlling. ……………………...Bossy; overbearing

Persistent. ………………….….. Inflexible

Let's look at Mark's temperament, the Golden Retriever. His motto is definitely , "Let's keep things the way they are."

Sensitive feelings. ……..…….… Easily hurt

Loyal. ………………………….… Misses opportunities

Calm; even keeled. ……….….… Lacks enthusiasm

Nondemanding ………….…...… Weakling; pushover

Avoids confrontations. .………… Misses honest intimacy

Enjoys routine …………….…..…Stays in rut

Dislikes change. ………….….… Not spontaneous

Warm and relational. …….….… Fewer deep friends

Gives in. ……………….……...… Co-dependent

Accommodating. …….…….…… Indecisive

Cautious humor. ……….….…… Overly cautious

The reasons I fell in love with this guy is because he is the calm in our storms, he is very warm and relational, he is extremely accommodating, and tremendously loyal.  Even though he is a "man's man"(more like superman), he has a gentle and caring nature that I am attracted to. But on the flip side, I want to scream when he is "overly cautious" or "stays in a rut." I need a quick decision even if it is the wrong one.

Here is the truth about your personality type.  You can't change much of it. That is okay.  Every personality type has some amazing strengths.  When I am yielded to God's will for my life, my strengths can be put to good use. My negative qualities are minimized, just like the minimizer key on a computer.  Think about that incredible thought!  You still possess that negative quality.  However, it is minimized to the point where no one would even know you possessed that quality.  All they see is the positives of your temperament.

Your never-ceasing prayer for your spouse(and yourself) is Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. If we get that out of order and try to seek the things that we want before seeking his kingdom, frustration will abound.

There are endless websites on personality types and how they affect your marriage.  I included a link to one to give you an idea. This is not in place of a good marriage counselor. But it is a great starting place.

http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Free-marriage-counseling.html

 There is NO SUCH THING as a bad personality type. If you are married, your spouse's personality type is perfect for you.  The problem is not your spouse's type or yours.  The answer will always be to seek God first and his righteousness.

As always, I pray for whoever reads this blog.

How does personality type affect relationships?

I am continually stunned at how differently Mark reacts to issues in our marriage!  Keep in mind that after 34 years, you get comfortable with each other.  You predict how the other will respond.  You already think you know the path the conversation will take. And then, out of the blue, you look at the other person and wonder why they are acting that way.

Yesterday was one of those days.  I started the conversation with my dangerous preface, "Mark, will you be open minded about my idea of a project I want to do today?" How many times does Mark hear me say that?  I am positive that he says no in his mind long before I utter the next word. 

However, I continue to ignorantly believe that Mark wants to know...yearns to know...must know how he can make me happy.  Mistake #1. Thinking that our marriage revolves around making me happy! I continue on in that pleasant thought and make my request. Now at this point, some of you will be curious about what was the great idea I had.  Trust me, in retrospect, it was a dumb idea. Mark let me know, in a kind way, that this project was not going to be done today...or ever. His answer was predictable and my response was predictable.  I got quiet. I mulled over his lack of desire to take on my plans instead of his.

Which brings me to the point of this blog. Even though Mark and I have a lot of things in common, we are total opposites on personality types. If you never done so, I would suggest that you take a personality test to determine your type. Mark and I have taken several over the course of our marriage and they do help you understand yourself and especially understand your mate/potential mate. I included the links to three personality quizzes.  Before proceeding, take one of the tests.

http://www3.dbu.edu/jeanhumphreys/SocialPsych/smalleytrentpersonality.htm
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html
http://www.goingthedistance.org/pages.asp?pageid=18155
Many people have had to take a personality quiz for their job.  If you have taken one already and do not want to take another test, refer to the next site which attempts to summarize the similarity of the four basic personality types, no matter which type of  test you have taken in the past.

http://www.peterursbender.com/quiz/moreinfo.html

I make it a point to have short blogs.  I tend to not read long blogs because of time. More on this topic in the next few days.

Who are you becoming?(old person part 5)

I keep thinking of things I need to consider to prepare for "oldness." I will be there one day. So far, I talked about forgiving myself of past mistakes, be careful of the things I file in my mind, define my idea of a life well-spent and do not allow old age to be a time of uselessness. Today I want to ponder on the people I need to forgive.

I once read a quote about the economy of forgiveness. "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." I believe that when we hold on to grudges again a family member, a friend, a co-worker and especially when we hold to a grudge against God, we are bankrupting our spirit. We are needlessly spending way too much time, thoughts, and energy on that person and that situation. Couldn't we all use that time, thoughts and energy on something more worthwhile than hatred?

The most foolish thing that we do is to hold onto to a grudge against God. I cannot fathom how God has disappointed you. Maybe he let you down with a death of a loved one, a financial disaster, or lack of a marriage partner. Whatever it was, you may have stayed angry with God for way too long. There are endless books written on this topic, so I cannot pretend to cover this in a brief blog. However, this I know...let go of the feeling that God let you down.

Did you realize that this is one of the three major areas of sin? In a nutshell, all of sin can be put into these three categories: Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. To believe that God let you down, implies that God did not provide all that you needed to live an abundant life. You "see something" with your eyes(lust of the eyes) and you are thinking that God should not withhold that from you. Eve did that and for centuries, we have been deceived into thinking that God just did not come through for us. It is time that you let go of that false belief. I know of many older people who cannot "forgive" God for holding out on them. They are bitter and angry people.

Hopefully, you are realizing that there are some types of older people that you do not want to emulate. Well, you do not have to be like that.  But you must do something about it now before you become the person you always said you would not want to be. The cement will harden one day. I am praying for whoever reads this blog that they will take some courageous steps to becoming the older person that everyone wants to be around.