Should people still seek marriage or just live together?

"Ken and Marian were on their third date when he decided to lay down his cards. “Before we develop a real relationship, if you have any notion of ever marrying, let’s stop now,” he said.

Ken braced himself for Marian to leave in a huff. Instead, she smiled and asked, “Can you promise?”

Since then, the couple has been happily together for seven years. “I always joke that the best way to get rid of Marian would be for me to propose marriage,” says Ken, a field biologist living in Boulder, CO. “People occasionally ask me why we’re not married, and my answer has always been, ‘Why would I get married? What possible reason would there be to do that?’ These questioning people, who usually are long-married, seem dumbfounded by my response. They usually fall back on thinking it’s a societal norm — which these days, of course, it is not. It might be a grand statement to our friends and families of our commitment; it seems unnecessarily complicating to me.”

Ken and Marian are both familiar with the complications that marriage can entail: Ken has been married twice; Marian only once, but for 20 years. Both are in their sixties and have grown kids and grandkids, and they both can see why marriage was important back then. “Marriage is a very real convention for the benefit of children or to solidify property concerns,” says Ken. “Otherwise, I think it’s an antiquated institution.”
Marian agrees wholeheartedly. “Our relationship is probably much better this way than if one of us complied with the other’s marriage demands,” she says. “We love one another and we love our independence.”

May I comment on this article?  I did not marry Mark because it was a societal norm. I did not marry Mark because it was a benefit for the children we hoped to have.  It certainly did not solidify property concerns. Has marriage been complicated?  Yes, indeed. So why should people still choose to get married if it is an antiquated institution? Glad you asked:)

Marriage is a sure-fire way to reveal how selfish you are, if you really want to know.  You can go on through life pretending like you're not. You can continue in your pretend world of "What a nice person I am."  Or for some, you can continue in your pretend world of "I am not nice and I really do not care." It is a character developer, for sure. I can choose to approach marriage in a Biblical way or I can choose to approach it from a worldly perspective.  Unfortunately many Christians approach marriage in the same way the world does. If you are a believer and have read God's word on the subject, it is a non-negotiable. Marriage was God's idea to begin with and he knows how to make it work. The rewards are incredible, life-changing, character-changing, serendipitous and they delight our soul. "Ken and Marian" are missing the point. Are you?

Do you want to find yourself?

"Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?" Luke 9:23-25
"What good would it do to get everything you want and lose yourself?" What is on your list of "everything you want?" My list would probably include some material things, comfort, lack of stress, not a lot demanded of me, getting fed instead of feeding, etc. There is something attractive about having a life of no responsibilities and yet having all the privileges. My personality definitely wants to lead.  I love to be in charge. I love to be the center of attention, to hold the microphone. That would be on  my list. However, Jesus is telling me that if I put myself in front of him that I could lose something very valuable...myself. It does not make sense, if you think about it from a worldly view.  Shouldn't we fight for our rights, our way, our wants?
Jesus is spelling out the exact opposite of my desire.  He wants to lead. He wants to be in the driver's seat. He wants me to embrace suffering. Suffering?  Are you kidding?  Who put suffering on their list of goals for their life? He has also stated here that it would not be good or desirable to get everything I want.
What does this mean to us? If I am not sure, he says he would "show me how." So I am asking him to show me.
After several days of dwelling on this, I realized that it is exactly like my students at school.  They want to be in charge.  They do not want to suffer to learn a new concept. If they had their way, they would come in everyday and visit and never do any work. However, as their teacher, I know what is best for them.  I must lead them. I must be in charge. I must allow them to suffer, if they are going to grow in their knowledge of math. Some student kick and scream all the way and refuse to accept my leading.  Others, the majority, achieve a happy medium of obeying me, following a few rules and making great strides of growth.  A small percentage actually love to learn and are willing to pay any price to understand the concepts.  Those kids are not in it for the A.  They are in it for total understanding.
I see myself, at different times of my life, in each of those categories. Before accepting Christ, a person is kicking and screaming and refuses to lay down their so-called freedom. They actually believe that by holding on so tightly to their version of truth, they are gaining somehow. In reality, they are losing everything. The only way to gain life is to lose it.
However, the second category is where I like to reside.  I want the A, but I don't want to suffer much. I want it to come easy. I want to find a shortcut. I want to follow a few rules and that's it.
The third category is my life long goal.

 What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

The sweetest thing I have ever seen!

My grandson, Caleb Brewer Cooper

What are you bitter about?

I was listening to a song on Sirius XM this morning by Casting Crowns. I almost pulled over and vomited.  The song is entitled "Jesus, Friend of Sinners."  The link to the video is at the end of blog.
I listened with shame and profound sorrow. Since when did life start revolving around me? Why do I put my happiness as a higher priority than my holiness?
My blog a few days ago talked about my life, my insecurities, my having a bad day... Really?  Are the things that pierce my heart and demand my attention, the same things that break the heart of Jesus? I don't think so. I worry about whether my perfect life will have any stress.  I am resentful sometimes because people have more money than me. I really get jealous if people have more free time than me! These may not be the same things that get to you. You may be stressing nonstop about your job or lack of a job. You may be angry because you are single or because your marriage is not what you dreamed of. Some of us are kind of bitter that our parents were not the kind of parents that believed in us or set a clear example of how to live. A lot of us get really mad because we don't like the way we look even though we are the ones stuffing that brownie down our throat. Just had to throw that in:) We focus on how to make OUR life more wonderful. What part of my day is spent serving the world, not myself?
Another thing about that song really bothered me. Since an ocean of useless chatter flows from my mouth everyday, I felt convicted by my words. The song starts out  "We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing." At this minute, I am thinking about some things I was going to say at a dinner party tonight. Was I going to swing a sword that was never my job to swing? I thought about words I said this past week at school. Were they words that brought healing and encouragement or words that "put someone in their place?" Ugh, stop this avalanche of endless chatter, especially when I feel the need to correct someones behaviour...like my husband or my friends.
I am overwhelmed that my creator and heavenly father, he showed his love for me. He sent Jesus, my friend, because I am a sinner, saved by grace not greatness. I really do want to think like he does and act like he does. I want my heart to break over what breaks his and not this silly stuff I worry about. Here is the awesome truth...he CAN change my heart.  Thank goodness that he can. Thank you, God. You are more interested in changing my heart that in changing my circumstances!

http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=jesus%20friend%20of%20sinners%20lyrics%20casting%20crowns&tnr=21&vid=4938259480903934&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fvideos%2Fthumbnail.aspx%3Fq%3D4938259480903934%26id%3D41294cf908cafa836d884f994513928f%26bid%3D2rDC8O65zzVM2A%26bn%3DThumb%26url%3Dhttp%253a%252f%252fwww.youtube.com%252fwatch%253fv%253dPzIgOG8lKYY&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DPzIgOG8lKYY&sigr=11a7un9ll&newfp=1&tit=Jesus%2C+Friend+of+Sinners--+Casting+Crowns+with+lyrics

Sit and drink some sweet tea

Well, I have been waiting to write this blog when I have a perfect attitude and a perfect life. Ha, why do we do that? I think that Facebook posts and Instagram posts are feeding us a bunch of lies.  We think that everyone else is enjoying a perfect life and we wonder why we are not.
So, here is the truth about Pat Cooper's life right now.  School is stressful. I feel like a failure. I can't stay on a diet. I am full of self-doubt. I feel persecution. Yikes!
What is the best way to face life under these circumstances?  Good grief...it is right before my face. Romans 12 says:
  "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. "
Do you see what this is saying to us?  God is not asking me to be perfect.  He does not care about my  strengths.  In my weakness, his strength is shown. In my times of humility, God is breaking me out of my culture, the culture that says that I should be loved, I should be honored, I should receive attention, I should be happy, or I should be served. This is the culture dragging me down to its level of immaturity.
 I need to embrace what God does for me, instead of what I do for Him. I need to truly understand that I am his adopted child. I am an heir of all that is his. He allows me to work on his grand estate that he owns. But at the end of the day, he does not expect me to go to the house for the slaves and just berate myself for having a bad day. I need to sit in his house at the end of the day of working the fields and just be silent before him and drink sweet tea. He wants me to enjoy his company and be renewed for another day of serving him. He renews me to sow the seed for another day.
The focus is what God has provided for me.I am going to take my everyday, ordinary life and present it to him.  He is not waiting on me to present myself as a superstar. I bet he doesn't even like superstars. He loves the one who totally depend on Him to be the superstar!