I was listening to a song on Sirius XM this morning by Casting Crowns. I almost pulled over and vomited. The song is entitled "Jesus, Friend of Sinners." The link to the video is at the end of blog.
I listened with shame and profound sorrow. Since when did life start revolving around me? Why do I put my happiness as a higher priority than my holiness?
My blog a few days ago talked about my life, my insecurities, my having a bad day... Really? Are the things that pierce my heart and demand my attention, the same things that break the heart of Jesus? I don't think so. I worry about whether my perfect life will have any stress. I am resentful sometimes because people have more money than me. I really get jealous if people have more free time than me! These may not be the same things that get to you. You may be stressing nonstop about your job or lack of a job. You may be angry because you are single or because your marriage is not what you dreamed of. Some of us are kind of bitter that our parents were not the kind of parents that believed in us or set a clear example of how to live. A lot of us get really mad because we don't like the way we look even though we are the ones stuffing that brownie down our throat. Just had to throw that in:) We focus on how to make OUR life more wonderful. What part of my day is spent serving the world, not myself?
Another thing about that song really bothered me. Since an ocean of useless chatter flows from my mouth everyday, I felt convicted by my words. The song starts out "We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing." At this minute, I am thinking about some things I was going to say at a dinner party tonight. Was I going to swing a sword that was never my job to swing? I thought about words I said this past week at school. Were they words that brought healing and encouragement or words that "put someone in their place?" Ugh, stop this avalanche of endless chatter, especially when I feel the need to correct someones behaviour...like my husband or my friends.
I am overwhelmed that my creator and heavenly father, he showed his love for me. He sent Jesus, my friend, because I am a sinner, saved by grace not greatness. I really do want to think like he does and act like he does. I want my heart to break over what breaks his and not this silly stuff I worry about. Here is the awesome truth...he CAN change my heart. Thank goodness that he can. Thank you, God. You are more interested in changing my heart that in changing my circumstances!
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=jesus%20friend%20of%20sinners%20lyrics%20casting%20crowns&tnr=21&vid=4938259480903934&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fvideos%2Fthumbnail.aspx%3Fq%3D4938259480903934%26id%3D41294cf908cafa836d884f994513928f%26bid%3D2rDC8O65zzVM2A%26bn%3DThumb%26url%3Dhttp%253a%252f%252fwww.youtube.com%252fwatch%253fv%253dPzIgOG8lKYY&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DPzIgOG8lKYY&sigr=11a7un9ll&newfp=1&tit=Jesus%2C+Friend+of+Sinners--+Casting+Crowns+with+lyrics
