Marriage advice: Pray together

I have a cool statistic for you! Research shows that 1/2 Christian couples divorce which is shocking and terrible but when you research the couples who pray together 3-4 times a week that statistic changes from 1/2 to 1/1552! Prayer is SO IMPORTANT! Mrs. Cooper, you told us that on Sunday!

(This is a quote from one of my newly engaged young adults.)

Luke and Cherish Wedding Vows

I found this in an old file.  Luke and Cherish were married almost 5 years ago!  So thankful for what God is doing in their life.  Check out their adventures!
http://us5.campaign-archive1.com/?u=ebb22ab873ad73dc8cd203639&id=eb32c0a8ee&e=

Luke & Cherish Cooper’s

Wedding Vows

I promise to love first God and you second…

To lead with wisdom and the fear of the Lord

To serve patiently and listen with an open heart

To rebuke the devil and protect you with my life

To correct you gently with meekness

To forgive all your sins: past, present, and future

To stay committed to you

And to praise God no matter what

Until the seventh trumpet blows and Jesus returns!

My sons both love their wives!!! I am so thankful for them.

How much did Jesus forgive you for?

"How can I account for the people of this generation? They're like spoiled children complaining to their parents, 'We wanted to skip rope and you were always too tired; we wanted to talk but you were always too busy.' John the Baptizer came fasting and you called him crazy. The Son of Man came feasting and you called him a lush. Opinion polls don't count for much, do they? The proof of the pudding is in the eating." One of the Pharisees asked him over for a meal. He went to the Pharisee's house and sat down at the dinner table. Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him." Jesus said to him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Oh? Tell me." "Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?" Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
"That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal." (Luke 7:31, 36, 40, 41, 43 MSG)
How many sins did Jesus forgive you for? How thankful are you?

This is part five of the series "Power of a Focused Life." If you are just now reading the blog, you may want to go back and read parts 1-4.  I suggested on my last blog that you should keep a time log of all your activities for one week.  I have already done this last year and I discovered some interesting things about my use of time.

First of all, I did not spend nearly the time that I thought I did with the important people in my life. My relationship category was the smallest sliver of time in the particular week that I logged my activities.  I was shocked to see how little time I spent with the "love of my life." Red flag! One of my goals was to continue to develop my relationship with Mark. That takes time and I was not giving it many moments. Interestingly enough, I thought about this past week.  The same statistic held true.  Mark and I were like passing ships."

Secondly, I needed more rest.  I consistently got less than 8 hours of sleep every night, even though my intentions were good. I always vowed that the next night would be better. Lack of sleep feeds depression/anxiety issues in our lives.  Lack of sleep usually leads to excuses about having a quiet time the next morning. Lack of sleep also causes weight gain.  Yikes!  Mark always reminds me of a Vince Lombardi quote, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all."  I make terrible decisions when I am tired. Goals get thrown out the window. 

Lastly, and more importantly, the second largest category, aside from sleeping was...unaccounted for time.  Hmmn. I realize that you cannot account for every minute of everyday.  However, I think a bigger issue was at play.  I believe that I was wasting a lot of time.  I did not log Facebook time, Twitter time, sitting on the back porch time, etc.  There is not a thing wrong with having some unaccounted time. However, consider the words of Paul to the city of Ephesus:

Ephesians 5:15-17
"So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do." 

God created us to live like wise men, not foolish men. Foolish men spend hours on the News Feed of Facebook. Foolish men spend hours watching TV. Aggressive use of time will be needed is we are to accomplish all that God has planned for us. If we truly believe that we have lots of time to waste, we have decided that God did not plan very much for our life; that we are certainly not particularly valuable for the kingdom. Reread that last statement. Do you really want to shortchange yourself like that? Do you honestly believe  that God has big plans for others but not for you? To say "no" to things that are not in your life's vision is a wise thing.  To say "no" to things just because you want more free time is foolish.

Unscheduled time is usually made up of "good things" but not the "best things." Powerful essay by Charles Hummel on "The Tyranny of the Urgent"  talks about this very issue.  We let the other people crowd out the important things with their urgent agenda for us. Check out this essay.
http://my279days.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Tyranny-of-the-Urgent.pdf

Want to make a change, but feel overwhelmed? Get a plan.  Start by keeping the plan 50% the first week, then increase to 60% the next week, and so on.  You won't ever hit a 100%.  Interruptions are an important part of God's plan for you.  Jesus was walking on his way to heal the daughter of a very important man, a leader in the synagogue. He was stopped, interrupted we would say, by a woman who had internal bleeding for most of her life. Why would Jesus stop on the way to gain "name recognition" by healing the  the synagogue's daughter? Because he knew when to say "yes" and when to say "no." He knew when to throw his calendar out the window and when to keep his schedule.

Have you ever faced the challenge and the joy of planning your own hours?  Have you spent your life letting others plan your time for you?  Your boss? Your family? Your ministry at church? When will you begin to plan your schedule? Satan would like nothing more than for you to have a "pretty good life"  but not a "powerful life." Say "no" to a TV show this week and spend that time writing down a plan for how you would like to spend your time.  Or continue in the path you are on, promising yourself that you will "do this next week or this weekend or next summer" and tell our beautiful Creator that the TV show was more important somehow than living the abundant life he had wanted for you.

Important blog coming up.  If you kept a time log this past week,
I will discuss how to use your time
better next week. Even if you did not keep a log...check it out.

How to Maintain a Consistent Quiet Time

In John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. "

We read promises like this and we ask ourselves, "why do some people seem to enjoy a full life and I am plagued with doubts and setbacks?"  

This is similar to asking ourselves the question, "why am I overweight and out of shape?"  How are you fueling your body? What foods are going into your mouth on a consistent basis?  What exercises are you performing on a daily basis?  You know before asking those questions that the way you feed your body is the secret to your health issues. 

How do you feed your spiritual life?  Do you hunger and thirst for God's word?  Just like in the area of food, you can be so full of junk that you are not hungry for the healthier choices that your body needs. If you never eat fruits and vegetables, you do not have a taste for fruits and vegetables.  

Let's establish that many Christians really want to have a consistent quiet time spent with the Lord.  However, they just can't seem to be able to develop this habit in their own life. I want to humbly offer some ideas for beginning and maintaining a quiet time. 


Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.

You are probably wondering why I am using a Vince Lombardi quote about football right here.  Why is it that no one questions that success in the sports arena require perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority? But in the spiritual realm, we expect the abundant life without the same commitments. 

Okay, let's say that you are convinced that a change is needed. Let's agree that it is the most important thing that you can do. How do you begin? You need three W's.  When, Where and What.

When:  If someone walked up to you and asked you when is your quiet time, can you immediately answer? What Mark and I decided many years ago is a simple way to accomplish this. It is the first thing we do before___.  Fill in the blank.  We do this before we go to work.  I do not have a choice about going to work.  But before I go to work, I will spend at least 30 minutes studying the Bible and praying. On Saturdays, I will spend time feeding my soul before I exercise, eat breakfast, go shopping, etc.  Typically, on a work day, we will set our alarm based on how long would it take to get ready AND have a quiet time before we leave for work. Just add thirty minutes to the time it takes you to get ready.  You may already be thinking "I would have to go to bed earlier if I am going to wake up earlier." Yep, that has to be part of the plan. 

Where:  When I look at my love seat that faces my backyard, I equate that place as my place where I meet with God every morning.  When you know the location of your Bible study/prayer time, you will have everything you need nearby.  You will not have to search for your Bible, pen, paper, etc. In addition, you immediately settle in to the routine because your mind associates this as a special place. Notice that the place does not have to be fancy.  It is your spot!

What:  You can have a consistent time and place and still falter.  The "what" is a key component.  You need to decide what you will be doing during your time of study. Just like in the physical world, you could waste a lot of time trying to decide what exercises you will do in the gym. Or you could just "pre-decide." I am absolutely not suggesting that you take out the leading of the Holy Spirit in what scripture to study.  But to ensure your success in the beginning stages, I would decide ahead of time that you will be studying the book of John or The New Testament or the study of marriage. I spent the first 40 years, reading through the entire Bible each year.  Talk about stick-in-the-mud issues:).  When something works for Mark and I, we stick with it!

Take what you like from this blog.  Don't be legalistic.  You are not doing this to check a box or to earn God's favor. You are doing this to be connected to the living vine. Your health depends on it. Your life depends on it. 

How to Maintain a Consistent Quiet Time.

In John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. "
We read promises like this and we ask ourselves, "why do some people seem to enjoy a full life and I am plagued with doubts and setbacks?"  

This is similar to asking ourselves the question, "why am I overweight and out of shape?"  How are you fueling your body? What foods are going into your mouth on a consistent basis?  What exercises are you performing on a daily basis?  You know before asking those questions that the way you feed your body is the secret to your health issues. 

How do you feed your spiritual life?  Do you hunger and thirst for God's word?  Just like in the area of food, you can be so full of junk that you are not hungry for the healthier choices that your body needs. If you never eat fruits and vegetables, you do not have a taste for fruits and vegetables.  

Let's establish that many Christians really want to have a consistent quiet time spent with the Lord.  However, they just can't seem to be able to develop this habit in their own life. I want to humbly offer some ideas for beginning and maintaining a quiet time. 


Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.

You are probably wondering why I am using a Vince Lombardi quote about football right here.  Why is it that no one questions that success in the sports arena require perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority? But in the spiritual realm, we expect the abundant life without the same commitments. 

Okay, let's say that you are convinced that a change is needed. Let's agree that it is the most important thing that you can do. How do you begin? You need three W's.  When, Where and What.

When:  If someone walked up to you and asked you when is your quiet time, can you immediately answer? What Mark and I decided many years ago is a simple way to accomplish this. It is the first thing we do before___.  Fill in the blank.  We do this before we go to work.  I do not have a choice about going to work.  But before I go to work, I will spend at least 30 minutes studying the Bible and praying. On Saturdays, I will spend time feeding my soul before I exercise, eat breakfast, go shopping, etc.  Typically, on a work day, we will set our alarm based on how long would it take to get ready AND have a quiet time before we leave for work. Just add thirty minutes to the time it takes you to get ready.  You may already be thinking "I would have to go to bed earlier if I am going to wake up earlier." Yep, that has to be part of the plan. 

Where:  When I look at my love seat that faces my backyard, I equate that place as my place where I meet with God every morning.  When you know the location of your Bible study/prayer time, you will have everything you need nearby.  You will not have to search for your Bible, pen, paper, etc. In addition, you immediately settle in to the routine because your mind associates this as a special place. Notice that the place does not have to be fancy.  It is your spot!

What:  You can have a consistent time and place and still falter.  The "what" is a key component.  You need to decide what you will be doing during your time of study. Just like in the physical world, you could waste a lot of time trying to decide what exercises you will do in the gym. Or you could just "pre-decide." I am absolutely not suggesting that you take out the leading of the Holy Spirit in what scripture to study.  But to ensure your success in the beginning stages, I would decide ahead of time that you will be studying the book of John or The New Testament or the study of marriage. I spent the first 30 years, reading through the entire Bible each year.  Talk about stick-in-the-mud issues:) When something works for Mark and I, we stick with it!

Take what you like from this blog.  Don't be legalistic.  You are not doing this to check a box or to earn God's favor. You are doing this to be connected to the living vine. Your health depends on it. Your life depends on it. 

Financial Freedom

My last blog included an assignment for my readers...log your time for one week.  Since I wanted you to have a full week to accomplish this, I wanted to change topics for this blog and then return to that topic next week.

I wanted to give some simple suggestions for financial surgery. First of all, there are three million people more qualified than me to give financial advice. So I am including a link to Dave Ramsey's simple steps to get you on the right track to financial freedom.

http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps

After reading this, draw a line in the sand and declare war against the grip that money holds over your life. The best way to accomplish this is to start by tithing 10% of your money. If you struggle with acknowledging God as the giver of all that you possess, that would be the wisest place to begin. Acknowledge the giver. Paradox?  Yes, but it works.

Next, work backwards.  I remember when Mark and I made the decision to stay home for a few years after having two babies, we set our budget this way.  We made a list of the non-negotiables.  Tithe, house, electric bill, food, water bill, gasoline, etc. Unless it was absolutely indispensable, it did not get written down.  Then we saw what money was left over for "luxuries." Not much, actually:)  We MADE the budget work because we were so committed to one parent staying home for a period of time with our boys.

This blog is not a commercial for stay at home moms.  I am simply using this as an example to commit to a financial plan. It may mean canceling cable TV.  It may mean selling a car.  It might involve cutting up a credit card. I have mentioned this before. In our situation, the answer to every purchase was a resounding "no!" Most families would not have to be as radical as Mark and I.  School teachers in Mississippi do not make very much money and it was a tough decision to make.

The great thing about this is that you will become used to a new way of thinking about money.  You will no longer see it as a source of entertainment.  Shopping will not be a way to cure boredom.  You will become creative in the ways you can save money. We are made for this kind of life.  I will never  buy a lottery ticket because it may mess up my life!  When I see signs of relying on money to make me happy, I blow up a bomb and try to get back on track. I simply do not want to live like that. Make a list tonight about the things you MUST have to live. Then shorten the list.  Begin finding your joy in things that are eternal, not temporary.

Power of a Focused Life, part 4

Quick blog:
This week, keep a time log.  How much time do you spend in each of the following areas?
Spiritual, physical, relationships, rest, ministry, vocation, etc. Hours should add up to 168(24 hours times 7 days).
How do you want to spend your time? To squander your time is to squander your life. To squander your life is to squander your destiny (quotes from Mike Bickel at International House of Prayer). To manage your time requires skill. After a week, we will talk about time management.

Power of a Focused Life, part 3

Power of a Focused Life

Okay, hopefully, you have written a life vision.  Remember, your vision is your primary purpose in life.   Read your life's vision on a regular basis.  Allow it to point you in the direction that YOU want to be heading. Many of my ideas came from Mike Bickel, head of IHOP. I do not follow him but I read a sermon that he preached on this topic.

Next, you have listed your goals in the following areas:

• Spiritual
• Relationships
• Vocation
• Ministry
• Economical
• Physical

Now what?  Over the years of teaching school, mostly 8th graders, I see a clear picture of how hard it is to keep your goals. Every student I have ever taught, wants to do well in school. Their goal is an A or B in math this year. What is the problem?  They have a wonderful goal. They just do not know how to reach a goal.

I am making an assumption here that all of my blog readers know how to write goals.  Google "goal setting" and there are over 26 million results!  Basically, you need to make sure that your goals are written down, specific as possible, measurable in some way and review them often.  Let me give an example.  In the area of ministry, I wrote down several specific things that I wanted to do.

1. Pray every Monday for our Single Adult Sunday School class.
2. Choose 2 or 3 girls to mentor.
3. Weekly text to class members.
4. Pray for another couple to help serve with us.
5. Write a blog exclusively for our class.
6. Invite class members over on a monthly basis and cook a meal for them.

Interestingly enough, these were our goals for our last two Sunday School classes that we ministered to! They work for any group that God has put us in.

Your goals will be changing.  They should be organic, growing and most of all...a little over your head. Do not set goals that can be done without the power of the Holy Spirit.  I may not accomplish all of these goals in this year. They are a work in progress.  However, if I accomplished even 1 or 2 of them:):):)

Finish working on your goals this week.  The next step is to order your time.  Hear me on this.  I do not want this to be interpreted as filing up every minute of every day with a project.  Rest, renewal,  and relaxation should and must be put into our schedule.  But I do believe that most of us are not redeeming the day.  God wants you to have clarity and manage your waking hours. How are you investing the 168 hours that God gave you each week? We must be a faithful steward of time, as well as money.

I will blog next time on the topic on time management. Take step one, if you have not already done so!  Write a vision statement for your life.  Then go back and set goals in the different areas of your life.  Next, make your goals more specific. Try to find scripture verses to back up your goals.

The only person that would not want you to do this activity is Satan. He knows if he can get you to make excuses and procrastinate, you will feel regret and shame that you are wasting your life. Be aware of the fact that Jesus wants just the opposite.

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10 NLT)

The Power of a Focused Life, part 2

Are You Focused?

If you did not read yesterday's blog on writing a vision statement, I would suggest that you start with a short vision statement about direction of your life. Your vision statement serves as a compass to keep things going in the right direction.  It helps measure your progress, set goals for your life,establish priorities, and know when to use one of the most important words in your vocabulary...NO! Many of my ideas came from Mike Bickel, head of IHOP. I do not follow him but I read a sermon that he preached on this topic. 

My vision statement is

I want to grow more intimate in my relationship with God everyday, know what His will is for my life and accomplish things that count for eternity and not the temporary."

I wrote a list of things that I wanted to be said about me at the end of my life.  My "God" statement was:

"Pat loved me with all of her heart and all of her mind and all of her soul.  She trusted me, before she knew how I would respond.  She was about doing my work.  She enjoyed being in my presence, an exquisite joy.  She had a thankful heart.  She had a joyful heart. "  I am not kidding when I say that I want God to say that about me!!!

I asked myself the same question about Mark and my sweet sons, Ben and Luke.  I wanted them to say,

"She prayed about everything!!!  She was humble, not vain.  She added joy to everyone's life.  She had a servant heart.  She was consistent- she acted the same way around everyone.  She lived as she taught. Practiced what she preached." 

I want my friends to say,

"Pat was not afraid to be different.  She was NOT a person that conformed to the world's standards, but constantly tried to renew her mind and see that God's ways are best.   She really knew the Lord and had a vibrant walk with Him."

Can you see how, if those are the values I hold, they will determine the direction of my life?  Tall orders, for certain.  Unattainable...I do not think so.

Next step is to set our goals for each area of our life.  Many people try to set their goals before they even know the road they want to be on.  Make sure that you establish that first.

By the way, I want to list the things that I want to be true of me at age 60 and age 70.  Think about how important this is to set the vision early in life.  I am not looking back with a lot of regrets about my life.  Did I make a lot of mistakes?  Yes, indeed.  Did I get off track?  Yes, many times.  But I knew where I was heading, by God's grace.

In old age, I want these things to continue to be true about my life:

• I want to have a great friendship with my family.
• Still want a "pit crew" that sharpens me.
• Anointed prayer life.
• Know the Word of God.
• Give away a large % of my income.  Be content to live on a smaller amount.
• Still have an exciting ministry, "not slowed down to retire."
• Physically fit, so I can still have the energy to serve.

Notice that I tried to list things in each area...spiritually, relationally, financially, vocationally, and my physical body.

Attempt to set a goal in each of these broad categories of your life.  This is a work in progress! You can reread it tomorrow and change it.   There are no right or wrong answers. There is no best age to start.  It is NEVER to late to start. Nobody is grading your answers to see if they are "good enough."  This is your life, not mine or anyone else's. I did not ask Mark about my goals.  However, the caution is that you will do this "one of these days"

My next blog will be about accomplishing these goals.  I realize that are a million websites on "goal setting." I plan on talking about setting an action plan to accomplish your goals. Keep in mind a couple of things.  First of all, I am not writing a blog on setting goals for your business.  Yes, I hope you have business goals.  But life is so much more than that. If you are only reading this blog so that you can make a million dollars and retire early...there are better written blogs than this one.  That is simply not one of my goals.  Remember I said I would give a lot of it away:)

Secondly, I want this to be more than an exercise. I want it to be a life change for you and for me. I want all that God has for me.  Don't you?

The Power of a Focused Life

I have been trying to write this blog for several weeks.  Every time I try to write it, I become distracted by upcoming school work, fatigue, not in the mood to write, errands to run, etc.  I must assume that it will be important or I would not face so many obstacles in writing it.

The Power of a Focused Life

Most Christians desire a more abundant life. Most Christians desire to be in God's will. Most Christians  desire to be growing in their prayer life and knowledge of God's word. So why do so many of us languish in hopeless living? In examining my own life, I see a lack of discipline that keeps me from being all that God created me to be.  I would aspire to write a series of blogs, talking about ways to overcome this apathy or laziness that holds me back.  Hopefully, it will speak to others that are seeking to grow in maturity in Christ. Many of my ideas came from Mike Bickel, head of IHOP. I do not follow him but I read a sermon that he preached on this topic.

First of all, we all need a life's vision. Lewis Carroll wrote about this in Alice in Wonderland:  "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. "


 From a biblical standpoint:
" Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18 KJV


A vision statement should be a short statement of where you want to go in life. Remember with no vision, then "any road will take you there."  My vision statement includes a statement about growing everyday more intimate with God...every single day. Yesterday does not count.  I can't rest on where I was last week or last month or in back in college. Also, my life's vision is to discover the God's will for my life and try to fulfill that purpose. 


Notice that for me, I am not naming goals. Goals are more specific. These are the things that I will strive for. I have goals for my spiritual life, for my physical health, for my relationships for my finances and for my ministry. We will get to those later. 


But for today, work on your vision statement.  If you are not sure where you want to go in life, try these exercises. 


1)  What would you want people to say about you at the end of your life?  By people, I am referring to God, spouse and/or children, friends, work friends, etc. Take some time to work on each category of people in your life.  It will reveal a lot about the kind of person you wish you were.


2) Write down a list of things that you want to be true about you at age 30? 40? 50? 60?  For example, I want a close friendship with my sons and their wives. I want a pit crew that surrounds me and sharpens me.  These are just ideas.


After you have done these two exercises, try to write a vision statement for your life. Check back tomorrow.  I will publish a blog about setting goals for your life.  


By the way, 99.9% of my readers will think this is a great idea and they will put this off until a better time.  Ten years goes by quickly and you will make a lot of  decisions, good and bad.  I want my decisions to be driven by the direction that I want to be heading in life.  I want to know when to say "no" and when to say "yes."

"Focus predetermines your priorities and prevents you from distractions."