He Will Never Leave You Or Forsake You

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””

‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6, 8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two times in 3 verses, God said that he will never leave us or forsake us. If you are a believer, you cling to that promise. There is nothing we could ever do that would cause him to turn his back on us. This gives us courage. It should take away our fear. 

“Leaving” is a physical act. “Forsaking” is an emotional act. Regardless of what we do, God will never turn His attention away from us. ~ Jimmy Evans 

Marriage is a picture of Christ and his bride. Does our spouse feel the same about way about us as this promise we receive from Christ? Does our spouse know that no sin or shortcoming would cause us to leave or forsake them?

When our spouses disappoint us, and they will, do we emotionally turn away from them? Do we literally turn our back and protect ourself from further pain? How do we react when our spouses act like a wretched sinner that Christ died for? 

We are all a bunch of wretched sinners that are not worthy of Jesus to continue to turn his face toward us. Why does he continue to turn toward us and pursue us? How is this possible? We don’t even love ourselves at times. 

When our spouse doesn’t even love themselves, the last thing they need is for us turn away from them. If we could find the strength to continue to turn towards our spouse, even when they don’t deserve it, we will be a part of the healing process. I know you may say, “But you don’t know how messed up our spouse is.” 

This something that we won’t understand until the day we stand before our maker.  God will have the words that we long to hear. 

“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things. “

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I want to hear that one day in the way I treated Mark when he disappoints me. And when I disappoint him, I hope and pray that he doesn’t turn his face away from me. That is the point of marriage. In a mysterious way, we growing closer to the Lord until the day we see him face to face. 

There is No Growth Without Change

There is no growth without change; there is no change without fear or loss; and there is no loss without pain. We fear these losses, even if our old ways were self-defeating, because, like a worn out pair of shoes, they were at least comfortable and familiar.

Every change involves a loss of some kind: You must let go of old ways in order to experience the new. ~Rick Warren

I love this devotional by Rick Warren. Pair of old shoes. Yep those shoes are comfortable and familiar. After 40.5 years of marriage, our marriage was comfortable. But God asked us to grow, to change, maybe lose some habits. Ouch! No, Lord, I’m comfortable. But we jumped out of our comfort and went to a marriage retreat. I have written several blogs about the sessions. But the telling part was what would we be willing to do to actually change?

I absolutely love this small detail that we have changed. The speakers, Les and Leslie Parrot, called this, “sharing withhold. “ I told Mark we were going to rename it because I can’t ever remember what it’s called. I am going to call it the two positives and 1 negative. At least once a week, we have done this and it is a game changer. I love it! It seems so small and insignificant. But isn’t that the way change often happens...beginning with a small thing?Bad or good change?

The reason it’s called “withhold” is because we “hold onto” a negative feeling about something that happened. There is power in holding onto that thought. It grows and grows and becomes larger than life. We will remember this action or the words that our spouse said and festers like a infection that does not get air or any way to get healing. 

By the same way, sometimes we hold onto a compliment that we noticed about our spouse and we keep it inside because they are not worthy of our praise. Oh my goodness, the compliment may have been the breath of life that our spouse needed to hear.

So here is how it goes...at least once a week one of us say, “How about two positives and one negative?” One goes first and says one positive, one negative and end with a positive. The negative can get sandwiched in the two positives. Here is the wonderful part, our spouse can only say “thank you” for all comments. If they have something else to say, they must wait thirty minutes to address any of the comments. You can guess, after 30 minutes, it will rare to even remember the negative.

This simple act is like a fresh rain on our marriage. It washes away the infection that had been hiding under a rock, waiting for an opportunity to bring it up in the worst way and the worst time. Cool thing, your spouse can not justify the negative for 30 minutes. We love to justify, don’t we? But this exercise gives us time to think about why our spouse said this...why this was important enough for our spouse to mention it. If we are wise enough to be quiet for 30 minutes and think about what they said, miracles may happen that we did not anticipate. Love this tiny change in our marriage that will help us grow our marriage for the next 40 years. I love you, Mark Cooper(aka Superman). 

Know Your Spouse’s Worth to Christ

“Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I believe that we will not ever fully understand how much Christ loves us. We have no clue. The minute we step into his presence, we will drop to our knees and be overwhelmed with the way Christ loves us and tenderly cares for us.  Notice that Jesus cleansed us and presented us as radiant, without stain or wrinkle.  Your spouse has that same worth.

How does God criticize us? Notice from these verses that Jesus does not get in our face and ridicule us and scream at us and make fun of us. He washed us with kindness. That’s how we should confront our spouse.

This was one of the biggest statements that stopped us in our tracks at the marriage conference that we attended last weekend. The way Jesus reacts when we are wrong. He never walks up to us and berates us. He never gets annoyed. He doesn’t talk about us in a negative way. He does not give us the silent treatment. He does not leave the house and stay gone to punish us.

I love that Jimmy Evans talked about the difference in the gardener mentality verses the consumer reality. The gardener sees a sick tree and tries to love it back to health. The consumer mentality sees a sick tree and takes it back for a better, more healthy one. Again how does Jesus see our worth? That’s how we should see our spouse.

The other illustration is the renter and the owner mentality. The renter has foundations problems. There is no way the renter would stay and fix that costly problem. The owner will stay and fix it no matter what the cost.  When we encounter a costly problem in our marriage, will we have a renter or owner mentality? People who are more likely divorce, according to statistics, do not have a strong work ethic and do not desire to stay and fix the problem.

Mark and I want to treat each other like Christ loved the church and knows it’s worth. Next time Mark gets me mad or annoyed, I pray that I react like Jesus treats me...with encouragement and underserved love. Next time I use up too much data accidentally or run into new garage door without opening it(how did that happened?). Mark, remember you are a gardener and not a consumer. You’ve had me too long and you can’t take me back.😊

Making Marriage a Priority

I spoke to a group of young women last week about making marriage a priority. I decided that other women may want to hear what I said. By no means am I am expert! I just spoke what I feel like God led me to say. This is the "edited" version. Safe for all viewers:)
Making our marriage a priority means it comes before all other relationships in our life. I think we all have to come to grips with the battle we are in against the enemy. We cannot afford to take this lightly. The older I get, the more I realize that the verse "he comes to kill, steal and destroy, " is for real. He really means that. The enemy wants to destroy your marriage, steal the joy you can find in marriage, kill the love you have for each other. He is crafty. He will pick the very things that will accomplish his plan. The thing that will drive you the craziest. Because when he destroys your marriage, he harms your children, your testimony, your faith. This was the first relationship that God established...before children, before jobs, before church ministry.

Before we go any further, understand that marriage is not just a sweet little thing about sex, date nights, love notes, making you happy. It is a relationship that defines you, sanctifies you, bring glory to God's name. How can we fight for this marriage? Read first Corinthians chapter 13 if you don't know how to love. Love is not defined by how that person makes you feel. When God says he loves you, you don't bring a thing to the table, not your talents, your looks, your wisdom. He simply "loves." By the way, God does not give a rip about your happiness...do you know that? He cares about your holiness. When the Bible says that "Jesus lives to intercede for us." It means that in heaven, right now, he is discussing you and what it will take in your life to make you more holy, more like him. And that will never be accomplished by "no suffering" life. My favorite phrase is "suffering makes you grow up."

Thinking about marriage in this way brings a whole new dimension to things. When our husbands don't meet our needs, when our husbands offend us, when our husbands sin...how we react to this is the issue,  not the thing our husbands did to us. Find that in the Bible that says where that says "when a person makes you mad enough times, sins enough times, disappoints you enough times, that it is okay to be done? When you have been married 30,40 even 50 years...what our husbands become will be a reflection of OUR prayer life. If we complain about our husbands for 30 years, nothing much may change. But find a woman who prays fervently for our husbands for 30 years, wow!

So down to the practical issues. How can we love our husbands in their language? I think arguably, our husbands greatest need will be physical need of sex. We can't program them to think like we do. Just because we get wrapped up in kids, jobs, and life and we are not interested in sex for long periods does not change the fact that our husbands did not lose interest. They are not made that way. After 36 years, my husband still seems way too interested:). In fact, one reason he may say that he loves me is that he realizes that what HE needs is more important to me than what I need. After years of marriage, I have to continually lay down my happiness and put Mark's happiness before mine. At the time I am writing this, I am mad at Mark. So I have two choices. I can nurse this anger and feel justified in it. I can tell God that I am mad about this thing and see if I can get God to "side" with me:). Ha. I already know what God will say about this. His word is full of his answers of grace, mercy, unconditional love. I know what you night be thinking here. What if he does not serve me back. Guess what...If I serve Mark and forgive Mark without Mark reciprocating, ...guess what, God noticed. 

Last time I checked, the world is still advertising a lot of explicit sexual activity, the wrong way to look at women, lies about women's value. So I want to be the safe place for Mark to have his needs met. Different things work in different relationships in different season. The single most important thing I do is to look as attractive as possible for Mark, not for the world. I am not advertising to other men. You have to ask yourself this question when you walk out the door. Who am I am advertising for today with this outfit? When mark walks in the door, I am thinking about what mark would like to see. He has thanked me a million times for advertising. 

Mistakes I have made are becoming very overweight. Mark still loved me. But he really appreciates that I try harder now.  You know why...I want to be the girl he wants to come home to each night. Our husbands are visual. I want to be his vision.  Every time I tell you things that I do right, I can name ten things I do wrong. I get too busy with other things and do not want to hear his stories. Are you too busy with kids or jobs and you don't want to hear his story? One day you could regret that. 

Things that we do right may be making friendship bread and dancing when we put it in the oven, serving together in ministry, riding bikes together, dancing at end of rented movies together. Traditions is the key word. We could get some security when the world was falling apart but we knew we had a tradition with each other.

The single most used list of things to tell Mark when I want to be loving, but not not feel like it. He does not know this list exists.

http://momlifetoday.com/2013/03/62-things-to-say-to-make-your-husband-feel-great/


Draw a line in the sand and say,"I will put my husband before my kids, my job, my ministry, etc." If you don't decide that today, your marriage will be different in twenty years, when your kids move out and live in California, your job has changed, your ministry may have changed directions.  If you make a commitment to your marriage,  in twenty years you will have a vibrant, growing marriage that has withstood a lot of storms together. Your love for each other will have grown deeper and you will be married to the love of your life!