Fake Kindness?

When you’re kind to others, you help yourself; when you’re cruel to others, you hurt yourself. (Proverbs 11:17 MSG)

There have been many articles written about being kinder, gentler and a more Christlike. We do this without actually feeling kind on the inside. We know that our "reputation" depends on us being known as kind. No one wants the "mean" girl reputation. We go all day long holding our temper and having patience with people in the checkout line. We smile and say nice things to strangers.

But I think this verse starts with "how do I treat my husband." Am I kind to Mark all the time? Am I kinder to others at work than I am to Mark? Sometimes at the end of a long day my kindness is all "used up." I think I deserve to be a little snappy because I have spent the whole day being kind to others. Wow, if this describes you like it does me…ouch!

Big truth…if I am not kind to Mark, I am only hurting myself. I am damaging my most important relationship. I am not treating Mark as my teammate that God blessed with me. In fact, if the other part of the day was "fake" kindness because I was worried about what others thought, I should have plenty of "real" kindness left over for Mark:). If there is none left over, then there is a problem with my heart. 

Lord, do open heart surgery on my heart so that my kindness is real all day long, but especially to the love of my life, Mark Cooper

How to Handle Our Problems

Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12 NIV)

If you do not spend time in the Old Testament, especially 2 Chronicles, you will miss some powerful truths about how to handle your problems.
Jehoshaphat was facing an impossible situation. The Moabites and the Ammonites were about to destroy them. The entire country came before the Lord to pray. And God answered.

You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’ ” (2 Chronicles 20:17 NIV)

Often we wish we could have a prophet to speak truth into our lives like the kings of the Old Testament. If we could hear someone tell us that the battle would be successful, we would stop feeling so panicked about the war we are facing. We would march forward with confidence.

But there are many times when we do hear from someone and they are speaking truth and we just don't want to hear the truth. We want a different game plan. Especially a plan that lets us get a lot of the credit. A plan that involves us being the hero of the story.

And we would miss the result of letting God get the glory.

When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no one had escaped. So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder, and they found among them a great amount of equipment and clothing and also articles of value—more than they could take away. There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it. (2 Chronicles 20:24-25 NIV)

Am I Offended With God's Ways?

Matthew 11:6(ERV) Great blessings belong to those who don’t have a problem accepting me.”

Think about this statement. How often have we been "offended" by what God allowed to happen to us? We are offended when we do not receive what we expect from God. We expected a perfect marriage. When our spouse revealed his/her character flaws and the marriage led to a divorce or perhaps infidelity, we were mad at God. Some of us never met our Prince Charming and we remained single for our entire life. 

We expected obedient children who turned out just as we had planned for them to be. If our kids rebelled against us, we were shocked that it happened to us and not someone else.  Even after praying for a miracle, that child is still wayward and so we assume that God does not listen to us anyway.

When a loved one died, we were tempted to turn away from God totally. Maybe we outwardly did not turn away but inwardly we decided it was safer to not put our whole trust in him. It could have been the way that our finances turned out to be so much less than we needed and God must have not been powerful enough to rescue us.

 It may be that you lost your job and wonder why God did not prevent that from happening. It is hard not to get offended by God's plans for us when life is tough, really tough. 

There is a great story in Matthew 11:2-6(KJV) 
 And when John had heard in prison about the works of Christ, he sent two of  his disciples  and said to Him, “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?”

Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and tell John the things which you hear and see. The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them.  And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.”

 Do you grasp what is happening here? John had given his whole life to pave the way for this man. John was thrown in prison and he must have wondered if this was all a bad joke. Why are things turning out this way? I love the language used in The Kings James 
Version,"And blessed is he who is not offended because of me." 

Which brings up the million dollar question…are you offended by God's ways? We put such a premium on our "deserved" happiness that we lose sight of the big picture. God is gracious and kind and can be trusted with our lives. This story reminds me that my happiness should not depend on my circumstances.  Jesus said, "Great blessings belong to those who don’t have a problem accepting me.” 

Want to Achieve Victory in Your Life?

Want to Achieve Victory in Your Life?

8:24-25 When it was all over, Israel had killed everyone in Ai, whether in the fields or in the wilderness where they had chased them. When the killing was complete, the Israelites returned to Ai and completed the devastation. The death toll that day came to twelve thousand men and women—everyone in Ai.

There is an amazing story of Joshua. If you don't remember the story, I will remind you of the short version. Joshua was Moses' successor.  THE Moses, who led the children of Israel out of Egypt. Joshua was the man chosen to lead the children of Israel into the Promised Land. The first battle against Jericho was a smashing success. There is a song I heard about it when I was a little girl…

Joshua fit the battle of Jericho
Jericho, Jericho
Joshua fit the battle of Jericho
The walls come tumblin' down, Hallelujah

Joshua's leadership was sealed. However, the children of Israel were commanded not to take any spoils from Jericho. Small detail but nonetheless a command. 

At the next battle, Joshua was so incredibly confident that there would be another smashing defeat that he sent a small troop to defeat Ai.

7:3 They returned to Joshua and reported, “Don’t bother sending a lot of people—two or three thousand men are enough to defeat Ai. Don’t wear out the whole army; there aren’t that many people there.”

Look at the result…

7:4-5 So three thousand men went up—and then fled in defeat before the men of Ai! The men of Ai killed thirty-six—chased them from the city gate as far as The Quarries, killing them at the descent. The heart of the people sank, all spirit knocked out of them.

What could have happened? How did this fearless, well-equipped group fail in their second attempt when they smashed the army to smithereens in their first attempt? Joshua was stunned and obviously hit his knees in prayer asking God these same questions. 

7:10-12 God said to Joshua, “Get up. Why are you groveling?…

Have you ever done that…groveled on your knees, asking God why you are so defeated in life? Why can't you get a handle on money? Weight issues? Family Issues? Marriage issues? Why God?

God's response…7:12 "I can’t continue with you if you don’t rid yourselves of the cursed things."

13 “So get started. Purify the people. Tell them: Get ready for tomorrow by purifying yourselves. For this is what God, the God of Israel, says: There are cursed things in the camp. You won’t be able to face your enemies until you have gotten rid of these cursed things.

What is your forbidden thing that God asked you to get rid of? This is when it is helpful to stay in the Word. If God forbids it in His Word, then he expects you to be obedient. No if, ands, or buts…no excuses. Mark and I thought about what things may be "hiding in our camp." We agreed that it was going to be troublesome to decide. But observe how troublesome it was for Joshua to find the hidden items. Keep in mind that there were over 600,000 men alone in the camp, not counting women and children. That is a lot to check:). 

7:16-18 Joshua was up at the crack of dawn and called Israel up tribe by tribe. The tribe of Judah was singled out. Then he called up the clans and singled out the Zerahites. He called up the Zerahite families and singled out the Zabdi family. He called up the family members one by one and singled out Achan son of Carmi, 

Turns out that one guy had kept some of the spoils of the battle with Jericho. Joshua had a choice. He could let it go, reprimand Achan or get tough on the issue. We have the same choice. We can forget about the whole thing after we have spent a lot of time searching for things in our life that keep us from victory. We can deal with it by saying "Well, that is good to know and I will try really hard to get on top of this issue. Or we can blast it with dynamite, like Joshua did. 

7:25-26 Joshua said, “Why have you troubled us? God will now trouble you. Today!” And all Israel stoned him—burned him with fire and stoned him with stones. They piled a huge pile of stones over him. 

Joshua did not want to take another step against his enemies until he was certain that he had done everything in his power to be ready to fight. We ask God to empower us to be victorious in our marriages, in our ministries, in our jobs, with our health, in our finances…but how badly do we really want to be victorious? Are we willing to not stop until we have overturned every last stone to find the culprit that is keeping us form victory? Is it pride? Is it selfishness? Is it wanting to live like the world and follow the ways of Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram. Nothing inherently wrong with any of these. But if Facebook is causing you to stumble, then delete Facebook. If your selfishness is causing you to not be happy in your marriage, then ask God to do open heart surgery and transform your heart. If certain foods are causing you to stumble with your diet every single time, then don't bring it into your house. 

Jesus did not come so that we could live weak, puny lives. He came to give us abundant lives, full of victory, and full of joy. I don't know about you but I like the way that sounds. It has nothing to do with material things…just an abundance of joy.  I want to live in victory so I am going to search my camp for the things that need to be kicked out, asked to leave, burned out, not inviting them over anymore, …whatever it takes.

Finish Strong

Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. 

There are certain times of the year that my students are tempted to coast to the finish line. This is one of those times. When we return from a break at Thanksgiving, there are a couple of weeks and then Midterm exams. It is a test of character for middle school students to stay the course until Christmas break. Often there is a drop in grades because they are thinking about the upcoming holiday and not have the grit to finish strong. I cannot count how many times I have reminded them that people who start strong are "a dime a dozen." The people who finish strong are the exceptions. 

As I am approaching 60 on my next birthday, I must ask myself the question…Am I coasting or am I running with endurance to the finish line? Many people my age are looking forward to a mythical retirement. It is the dream of most Americans to quit work one day and begin to live out our dreams. We want  to travel to far away places. We envision that we will have "time" to finally start to living because our 40-50 hour a week job keeps us busy and too exhausted to do anything else. We must be careful to not coast towards a perceived finish line. 
The finish line is not retirement from a job. The finish line is when I meet my Lord Jesus Christ face to face. At that point, I will be crossing the finish line and not a minute before.

God's word is clear. We will reap whatever we have sown. I can not bear the thought that I will face a crop of weeds due to my selfish habits. I want to finish strong. Even though I may become weary and want to quit or slow down because of age, God promised that I will harvest a good crop if I persist. 

I want to run with endurance the race that is set before me and not quit a minute too soon!

'We have all these great people around us as examples. Their lives tell us what faith means. So we, too, should run the race that is before us and never quit. We should remove from our lives anything that would slow us down and the sin that so often makes us fall.' Hebrews 12:1

Explosions in Marriage

Mark and I were talking and I sweetly mentioned one little thing…and Mark exploded in anger. Did you catch the phrase "one little thing?" Mark calls these "one word explosions" These explosions happen when one of us mention a topic that reminds our spouse of a ongoing disagreement. I asked Mark if he had taken care of something and he said he had not had time. I innocently said ,"you had time to watch the game last night." I knew when I said it that it would cause an argument. Why do we do that? 
There are topics in every marriage that we can't seem to get past. It is a different topic for every couple. I am married to a football coach. Football has been a part of our marriage for many years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with football. But football represents to me a different thing than it may to you. It reminds me of taking our boys to a million practices by myself. It reminds me of ballgames on Friday nights when I would rather have date night. It represents the fall season devoted to football on TV when I would love to watch a movie together. It reminds me of just being by myself a lot.We have been through this issue more times than I care to count. So when I say "you had time to watch the game last night" it means I am pushing the button. 
Now I must say, I have come a long way in understanding Mark's love of football. I look forward to football season and seeing the joy on Mark's face. He grieves in January when all the games are over and we have to settle for another sport. I am proud that he is pouring into young lives by coaching them in football. But there is still the time issue that we deal with and hence the comment I made. 
You have an issue that is your hot topic in marriage. It is the one that keeps coming up. When a hint of that topic creeps in…an explosion occurs. We were talking about this in our young married's class last Sunday. One of the guys suggested that we also know the one topic that brings a smile every time to our spouse. For me it is a short comment from Mark, "Hey slim." I guess that stems from years of being overweight and finally doing something about this three years ago. When Mark mentions something about me looking young, it is like a deposit in my bank account! I could live off that compliment for a long time. For Mark, it is a mention of how thankful I am for his constant leadership in our family. I could say anything that reeks of respect! I could have thanked Mark for all the times he has taken care of things instead of making a remark about the one time he did not.
I have to ask myself, "Do I want to make a deposit or a withdrawal to Mark's bank account?" Full bank accounts are nice to have. Having an emergency fund is a wise thing. It is not smart to jerk money of our spouse's emotional bank account when we could have avoided it. 
Remember, "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

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November is a Good Month

There is something special about the beginning of November. It usually brings cooler weather. The leaves begin to change into beautiful colors. Families can squeeze in a visit with each other. We get to wear fall clothing:). I always forget how much I love to wear some different things. Put away the summer things and get out the sweaters and fall colors. If you are a teacher as I am, the routine is set. I can be more creative because I am not trying to learn their names and habits(good or bad). Our home decor can be spiced up a little with fall wreaths, pots of colorful mums and pumpkins by the front door.

However, November brings about an obsession with food like no other time of the year. We believe that we must try new recipes. We must celebrate the season by drinking a lot of pumpkin drinks and eating pumpkin cookies and making pumpkin bread. None of these are bad in itself. But the worship of the food becomes a problem. We have less time to exercise because of the special activities of the season. We throw up our hands and say "In January, I will begin a diet. I will start over." 

Don't  make these last two months of the year about food. Statistics show that the average weight gain during the holidays is 4-5 pounds. But it doesn't have to be that way. The last two months could be about working on a heart of gratitude by doing one minute planks and praises. The last two months could be about finally fueling yourself and not feeding yourself. The last two months could be about loving on your family more. The last two months could be about giving to a few needy families(use the money you save by not going out to eat so much). The last few months of the years could be about really spending time with our precious Heavenly Father. Wake up a little earlier and rejoice because you can "walk boldly before the throne of grace." I am smiling just thinking about that. November is going to be a good month!