Thoughts on Friendships

He told Peter and the two sons of Zebedee to come with him. Then he began to be very sad and troubled. Jesus said to Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, “My heart is so heavy with grief, I feel as if I am dying. Wait here and stay awake with me.” (‭Matthew‬ ‭26‬:‭37-38‬ ERV)

I was reading a John Piper devotional last week and he used these scriptures to talk about how Jesus dealt with depression and anxiety. I was floored by the application.

Jesus was clearly hurting. He realized what was ahead. "He began to be very sad and troubled."  Have you felt that way before? How do we deal with that?

Jesus did not need these three men to deal with his pain.  Even though he was fully human, he was fully God and could call on an angelic army to bring him comfort. But he modeled a way that I can use to deal with pain or anxiety or fear or depression.

Notice that he spoke " to Peter and the two sons of Zebedee".  He called on his core group, his pit crew, his inner most circle of friends. Gracious! Who do you call on in a time of depression or fear? Who is your small group of trusted confidants? Can you name them right now? I believe that this should be a group that is totally outside your family. I adore my family. They are the best!  Our families are indispensable but they are not always the best group to gather with in a time of crisis. They are not always objective. They may not even share your beliefs. Love and cherish your family but this is not the group that Jesus was refering to.

Maybe you can't think of a group. Pray without ceasing until you get one. Invest heavily in this group with your time and unselfish acts. Love these people unconditionally because they will disappoint you at times because they are not perfect. Hopefully, they will love you unconditionally when you disappoint them when you act less than perfect.

God has blessed Mark and I with a small group of friends that attend my church. He literally "dropped" them in my lap about 15 years ago. I do not think it was coincidence that we all served together in a ministry at church. Serving with friends in a ministry is a great way to find the type of friends that Jesus was referring to. It may be one of the best ways to find this group. Join a Bible study. Can't find one? Might be time to start one so that you can meet the quality of people that you want to call your core group. My inner circle is TOP QUALITY and I thank God for bringing them into my life.

The interesting thing about my small group is that we are so radically different. My husband and I often feel like the "weak link"  in our pit crew. There have definitely been times when I needed them more than they needed me. I am incredibly thankful that they haven't kicked me out yet:). God chose women in my group with varying gifts in the body of Christ. But they all have the gift of servanthood. They open their homes to others. They don't feel like they own their possessions. On the contrary, they are much like the church in Acts. They would give anything they own to others in need. More important, they are prayer warriors. We have seen many answers to prayer in our small group. We send out a group text if a prayer need is urgent.  They will pray right at that minute. I depend on that kind of support.

Another application from this verse...be open and honest with your friends. Don't pretend around them. I have learned not to pretend that my kids are doing okay when they are in a crisis. I have learned to swallow my pride and admit that my world is crashing in around me. Only prideful people keep their problems a secret. Jesus said "My heart is so heavy with grief, I feel as if I am dying. " What if he had pretended that he could handle this crucification thing all by himself? Even though the disciples did not have the power to deliver him, he modeled for me to be transparent with my inner circle.

Often I don't feel like I fit into my small groups of friends. When I feel this way and share it with my friends, they usually remind me that I have been wandering off from the herd too much:). Staying close to the herd provides great protection from getting eaten by the predators. Jesus said "Wait here and stay awake with me.” He was showing me that "not wandering off" is the way this friendship thing works.

I am always falling more and more in love with Jesus for so many reasons. But this was a great reason to love him more. He showed me what to do in a crisis and how to call on your friends. Jesus absolutely did not need these weak, sinful guys in his time of crisis. But Jesus showed us that we DO need our small group of friends to call on in stormy times.

A safe place

Psalm 121:3-4

New International Version (NIV)

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

One of the truths about God that we find hardest to believe is the fact that he never dozes off and is never caught off guard by an event. If we were at our very best, totally rested, totally focused...we still could be unable to take care of those that we love. Our loved ones could get very sick.  Our friends could be hit by a drunk driver. We could lose our job. The truth is we can be blindsided by an event.
Because we believe that God is like us, we think that He turned his head or took a power nap. As a result, a horrific event happened and he was unable to protect us. However, in Psalms it states that he will never let your foot slip.  What? Never let me stumble? I stumble so often. Life happens even in my best effort to protect myself and my loved ones.
Then what is this saying? I believe that it means that though I stumble, he grabs my arm and pulls me to safety. He is the ultimate security guard. What a comfort to know that when we are caught off guard by tragedy, God saw the entire event and he will walk us through the dark valley. The dark days are still dark. We are humans. We are weak. But he is the powerful protector. He is the body guard on duty 24 hours a day.
In the book of Job, Job cried and complained for about 40 chapters. That makes me feel better when I can't get a smile on my face in the midst of sad times. However, Job believed that God held the trump card. Satan whispers lies to us and says that God cannot take care of us. He tells us that God was sleeping. He tells us that God can't provide for us. He doesn't have the finances. He doesn't have the wisdom.  Satan has so much to gain if you listen to his deceit. Do not give audience to him. He wants to kill, steal and destroy.
Instead, rest in the truth about our Father. He does not slumber! He is right there! He owns the cattle on a thousand hills if your foot is slipping over lack of resources. He has the strength when you don't have the inner strength. He has the answers when you don't have the answers concerning your next step. A body guard like that must cost more than I can afford. Funny thing about his fee…I can't pay for it. Jesus paid the full amount for me.

Investments over time

Growing your wealth over time

"Making consistent investments over a number of years can be an effective strategy to accumulate wealth. Even small additions to your investment add up over time. Of course, a program of regular investing does not ensure a profit or protect against a loss."

I copied this right off my financial advisor's website. Everyone has probably read this at one time or another. I doubt any of us would disagree with the idea of saving consistently over time to accumulate wealth.  A quick illustration to solidify the point:

I went to a calculator on the Internet and plugged in a monthly contribution of $100 per month, starting at age 21, earning 7% interest and continuing until age 65. I used the same numbers but started the contributions at age 41, a still relatively young age. The results were startling. The 21 year old would earn over $330,000 upon retiring, while the 41 year old would only earn $72,532 by the same age...a difference of about $257,468!  Neither person is even sweating over the monthly amount, about than $3 a day. But the consistent, early investor is going into retirement with a little more emergency money than the late investor. Just thought I would add one more investor, the 51year old. He would only net about $2500 at age 65!

Obviously this blog is not going to be about finances. There are hundreds of articles dealing with investment strategies. However, the principals remain the same in every other area of life. If we want to make some significant changes in our life, we have to make small, consistent deposits over long periods of time. If we want to invest in our kid's lives, we must make small but daily deposits in their emotional bank accounts. Spending quality time with them each day(the younger, the longer the period of time needed) over many years will yield stronger bonds in the relationships. We can't wait until we see signs of our relationship unraveling and try to cram in more time all at once. Doesn't seem to work with time or relationships

In the area of health, guess what? Same principal applies. To enjoy better health in our 60's and 70's, we can increase our chances by exercising 30- 60 minutes, several times a week over as many years as possible. My dad walks 18 holes of golf, 6 days a week for as many years as I can remember and he can easily walk around at age 87. He did not start golf at age 65. He started it many years before that. My husband has exercised several days a week his entire life and has not had to slow down as he approaches age 60 in a few months. He can do everything now that he could do at age 21!  I am not kidding about this guy. 

Same principal applies to eating. We cannot wait to change our eating habits at age 60 simply because we have developed health issues. The time to start is now because we are investing in our healthy future. We must consistently eat the rights foods everyday. The changes in our appearance will come gradually, but we will sustain them because we are investing in our future.

But the most important area of consistency is spiritual. You can wish a lot of things to be true when you are 65, but your joy and strength will come from your walk with the Lord. Many people…most people have a desire to know the Lord. I have observed over my years of working with young adults that the desire is hindered by a long term vision. Who do you really want to be at age 50 or 60 or even 70? Be kind to the older person you will become. Invest in that person!!! If you spend your whole life intending on starting a plan and never quite doing it, you have squandered the years of consistent investments. The same principal of money holds true with Christian growth. Years of spending consistent times with the Lord and reading his word pays huge dividends!!! 

Start off with a plan of reading 15 minutes a day at the same time. You Version has hundreds of plans to follow. Pick one. My 15 year old nephew has been consistently picking a plan for over a year. I weep at the thought of the man of God he will be when he is 60!!! He will know God's character. He will not have to learn about God second hand and think to himself "Oh, so that is what God is like." He is not being fancy or legalistic. He has just simply begun at an early age to contribute small amounts of time to invest in the man he will be. Small consistent contributions over long periods of time yield powerful results.

 Begin a prayer journal if you are struggling with a consistent prayer time. Assign a day to pray for different topics. Monday can be about your future spouse. Tuesday can be about your unsaved friends. Keep it simple. But keep it consistent. You will soon see your prayer bank account grow because you will begin to see answered prayer.

As you grow older you will find that NOTHING can keep you from having a time with the Lord. You will begin to depend on it because your relationship with the Lord will be a sweet time of fellowship with the one that you love most. You will be like the person in Psalms 1,

"But they delight in the law of the Lord,

    meditating on it day and night.

3 

They are like trees planted along the riverbank,

    bearing fruit each season.

Their leaves never wither,

    and they prosper in all they do."

At 65, I want to be a huge, healthy tree planted along a riverbank and I am investing in the tree today. 

I want to do it my way!

Shoes on the wrong feet!

On a recent beach trip, we had the joy of spending time with our two precious grandsons. One grandson had just turned two:). Everything was "No, Pat-Pat" "No, Pops" or "No, Daddy." He is in the wonderful stage that all babies go through when they assert their rights as individuals. We would be most worried if they did not go through this stage. 

I could not help but realize that striking comparison between Caleb and myself! As you can tell from the photograph, Caleb had insisted on putting on his own shoes. No amount of explaining could convince Caleb that his dad had a better way of putting those shoes on his feet. Finally Ben gave up and "Just put them on yourself." Even after he put them on the wrong feet, he would not allow his mind to be changed about those shoes.

How often do I battle against God when he tries to help me "put on my shoes"? He knows that there is a right way and a wrong way to run my life. How often do I stubbornly tell God," I can do this myself? "  or "I do NOT need your help!"  He sees that I am clearly going in the wrong direction. He who knows all from past to future. He who knows how I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He who knows how I should eat and drink. He who knows how to help me spend my money(is it even my money?). He who loves me perfectly, far more than Caleb's dad loves him. He lavishes good gifts on me like I am his bride or something. We are the bride of Christ, actually.

God continues to warn us if we are putting on our shoes the wrong way. He allows us put on our shoes in the most wrong way! We are not even smart enough to see how ridiculous we look when we do this. Many times others can see that we put on our shoes on the wrong feet but we are blinded by pride and will not admit it.
Sometimes God warns us that the shoes we are about to try are not the correct size. They are too small or too large. Instead of thanking him for his wise intervention, we plow full steam ahead. What happens is that we get blisters on our feet. Even if the shoes are uncomfortable and clumsy, we continue to wear that shoe or worse yet… we blame God for the consequences that we caused. When we go ahead of him in our plans to live with a potential spouse and it ends badly. When we go into a business venture without praying first and asking him for guidance and then it bombs big time. When we eat as WE please and not what fits our health and then we are angry that we can't seem to lose weight. We are head over our heals in debt because we financed everything that we thought we had to have and then we are bitter about that. We ALL do this.

Guess who yells at us the loudness when we put on our shoes the wrong way…the liar, the accuser, the enemy. God does not do this.  Ben smiled when Caleb struggled with his choice and said "Caleb, can I help you fix this?" God, through the Holy Spirit, says gently, "Can I help you fix this?" And he can fix it if we are willing to allow him to do that. Caleb finally, after much gentle coaxing, realized that his way was not comfortable, It was not working at all like he thought it would. So he sat down and let a wise daddy fix those shoes. Might be time for us to quit being so silly and stubborn. Just sit down and allow a wise Father to help us. He wants to and he is able to. The only thing stopping him is our stubborn pride.

Are You a Wise Investor?

Definition of 'Investment'

An asset or item that is purchased with the hope that it will generate income or appreciate in the future.

Bible's definition for "Investment"

Matthew 6:19-21(MSG)

^19-21 “Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

I was thinking about an upcoming trip that my husband and I will be making and to tell the truth I wondered if it was a sound investment. It is going to cost money to travel far away, rent a car, eat some meals, etc. We were visiting a young couple that we were very close to when they lived in the same town with us. I was getting "cold feet" and was asking myself why we were doing this.  I even sent them a message and asked "Are you sure you want us to come?"  Of course, their response was so comforting and assuring. "Yes, we can't wait. We haven't found a replacement for you guys in our life!"  

Immediately, I realized that this was exactly what we wanted to do.  We had invested so much in each other's lives. We wanted to continue make contributions of emotions, time and money in their lives.  We were actually stockpiling our treasure into something that is indeed safe from moth and rust and burglars. The rise and fall of the stock market did not have anything to do with our relationship with this dear couple!  

There are many other people in our lives that we have invested in.  My sons and their families are the first ones that comes to mind.  A wise friend told me that she and her husband take their grown kids on a family vacation each year on their dime.  She said "If you pay, they will come."  Mark and I, that very month, began putting money away for a trip to the beach.  We sacrificed the entire year to make that first trip happen.  We loved treating our boys and their wives to a vacation. We did without some things that we wanted to buy to meet our savings goal.  Last year, we added a grandson to the continuing tradition of spending a week together each summer. Next summer our newest grandson will be there! It continues to be a sacrifice but is the best investment we have made at this point in our grown son's lives. The new outfit I might have bought, bigger payments to an IRA account, even a new truck to replace my husband's 12 year old Toyota, seemed like a bad investment comparing to what we were gaining. 

There are many small investments I can think of.  Trips to Starbucks anytime I see my nephew.  Breakfast with my nieces when they are in town. Sponsoring and writing letters to 4 boys in Ecuador and India and a new girl from Columbia(Compassion International). Driving ten hours several times a year to see my sisters. Easy drive!  My husband is driving:) You get the point.  I could invested every penny I have used in each of these examples into the stock market. However, investing money in the stock market, while good to pay retirement bills, is of no eternal value.  The stock market can be wiped away with a catastrophic event at any point in time. These relationships with family and friends are exempt from a drop in the market. God knows that when put our money into things that really matter, we will gain back a guaranteed investment.  We must keep in mind that the investments must be consistent, over time and that we must be patience as we wait for our investment to grow in the lives of our friends and families. Yes, there is risk and the investor must be a risk taker...no place for a conservative man or woman. You must be all in.  

You don't have to be a millionaire to put treasure into another person's life.  In fact, the rich may not have the stomach for this job.  Involves people and they don't always cooperate.  Just be wise enough to see that you will gain far more than what you put in.

New Year's Resolutions

Most of America will either be making New Year's resolutions or vowing that they will NEVER make a New Year's resolution. I believe that we need to set goals…the more specific the better. Even if we are already happy with our health, our finances, our spiritual decisions, and our relationships(and I would love to meet you) there is still a desire to make sure we are progressing and not digressing. A year from now, you will be glad to look back at your goals and see a small advancement in an area of your life.
How do we begin in this process? Believe it or not, I start the second semester of each school year by teaching this process to my 8th graders. This is precisely what I tell them to do.
First of all, I ask them to decide what changes are needed to be made in their life. I do not decide those changes for them, no matter what faults I may observe in their lives. It would be tempting to ask a student with terrible study skills or faulty organizational skills to set those areas as their goals. But I will not do that ever. To make a goal for yourself must be something that YOU choose.  You must be ready to tackle that area of your life. If someone nags you to make a change and you are not ready, pick another goal.  That may be "cutting off your nose to spite your face" simply because it may really be a change you need to make. However, you want to make that change for you and no one else.
I ask them to make about 5 goals. I do not want them to make all grade related goals just because this is a homework assignment. Many times, the other goals they need to make could enhance their grade issues. For example, they might have a bad habit of staying up too late because they are on the phone or computer. A better goal would be to get more sleep. That would in turn translate to better grades. If your goal is to be more productive or have a more peaceful morning, you may need to turn off the TV or computer and get more sleep.
 I always ask them to make relationship goals. I make suggestions like…be more obedient to your parents or be a better friend. I also suggest that they make a goal related to any sports or hobbies. When they make a serious goal like improving in a sport they love, that transfers over into every other area of life. On the flip side, if they are not motivated to making a goal pertaining to an enjoyable activity then they are way too complacent in other areas of life.
After they have chosen about 5 goals, I ask them to make them extremely specific. They are not allowed to say, "I want to make better grades next semester."  This is the kid equivalent of saying, "I want to lose weight."  If that is your goal, forget about reaching it. It is not specific enough. You need to say something like, "I want to eat more protein, more vegetables, drink more water, eat no more than one bad snack a week, keep a food log, add exercise 5 times a week, have a meal replacement once a day, etc.  You get the idea. You can get even more specific and specify how many fruits and vegetables you will have per day and what exercises will you be doing and what time will that be. The more specific, the greater the chance you will reach your goal.
I ask them to write a plan about how they will reach that goal. Sometimes their goal is(believe it or not) "I want to have a better relationship with my parents."  I teach AMAZING kids! Their plan could be to help set the table every night or clean up the dishes or sit with them for at least 15 minutes at the end of the school day and ask them about their day. Can you see how exciting this is to read these goals?  Some of my students set goals about volunteer work. I actually encourage this if they are willing. Their goal may be simply to visit a homeless shelter or babysit children at a woman's domestic violence shelter…at least once. I encourage them to take very small steps because they may be scared to begin but they want to be a world changer and don't know how to start. One time and they are hooked for life!
Last step I ask them to do is find accountability partner. Unless we are willing to put ourselves and our goals out in the open, we are probably not going to succeed. We are not made that way. I shock them when I say that their parents or their teachers would not be a good accountability partner. We have too much invested in their goals and cannot be objective. I ask them to choose a dependable friend. However, the success will not depend on that friend. Their success will depend on them. The friend just has to ask them, at agreed on intervals, "How are you doing?" I tell the student that they must start off from day one being honest when they mess up. Do not waste the person's time by lying to them about your progress. Hopefully, your accountability partner will be encouraging but will not be devastated by your failures. You will feel badly enough. NEVER ask your spouse to be your accountability partner for that reason. They have too much invested in your success and cannot be objective. They are there to simply be proud of your success and love you anyway. You will feel terrible when you disappoint them. Just take my advice, don't ask your spouse.
They have to email me their goals for a homework grade:).  I usually email them back a copy of their goals at the end of the school year and wish them continued blessings on their life. I would recommend that you pick someone to email your goals, preferably more than one person. If you keep this a secret, you are probably planning to fail and don't want to lose face. Just do it. Email someone.
Your only regret will be why didn't you do this sooner. Good luck!

Leaving a Legacy of Health

What legacy are we leaving to the next generation with our health?  Mark and I are on a road trip. We are brainstorming ideas about how we can, as a team, encourage our generation to maintain or even regain their health. Statistics(Center for Disease Control) show that our age group tops the list of obese Americans at 39.7% of the over 50 crowd being overweight. Can you wrap your mind around that fact? Unless things change, over half of our age group will be overweight  in a few short years! Good grief! Is this the legacy we want to leave for future generations?

I will not waste your time reminding you of the enormous health risks involved or the financial burden to our work force. In a matter of time, the consequences of poor choices will catch up with us and become reality. Instead of focusing on the negatives to our own lives, I want to encourage you to make some changes.

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am new to this but I am in! Good health is what God intended all along for us. It was not his plan for us to drag through the day carrying 20, 40, 60 or more pounds. His plan is for us to walk around with joy, not because we inherited a million dollars, but because we are living life to the fullest. 

Do you know a person who is obese and is filled with joy? Haven't met one yet. We are planning our next diet. We say "I will be happy when I weigh ___." Yes, I realize that there are articles that state that we should accept ourselves just as we are. However, if I am 50 pounds or more overweight I contend that that is maybe not a great idea.  In James, it talks about learning patience. "If you let that patience work in you, the end result will be good. You will be mature and complete. You will be all that God wants you to be." The Bible never talks about accepting yourselves just the way you are. It talks about letting God have control and helping you change. 

Practicing healthy behaviors requires patience...good grief, a lot of patience. It has taken a year and a half to lose the last 35 pounds I needed to lose and to become more skilled in weight lifting and bike riding. Every single time I ride bikes, it hurts! Every single time. However, it has built endurance and strength that I did not possess. Lifting weights is difficult. I never want to do it, ever.   But it has built such confidence in other areas. For example, the  courage to write this blog and not care about the haters I will encounter by writing it. We say we desire maturity in our lives but we don't want to pay the price through perseverance. 

I desire that our generation leads the way in perseverance, maturity and wisdom. We are not reaching our potential. The younger generation is looking to us for answers. They are observing how we are handling marriage.  How are we parenting? How are we handling money? How are we handling our free time? What are we reading? What are we looking at on the Internet? How are we handling our bodies as they age? Are we aging gracefully with strength and vitality? Time will tell the impact we will have on the next generation. I want to be a light to the younger generation. I want them to see the power of God through the way that I live.

In Psalms 103, it says that "He gives us plenty of good things. He makes us young again, like an eagle that grows new feathers." I need some new feathers.
Just an extra note here...if you are overwhelmed and need a plan, email me at pat_cooper@sbcglobal.net or go to my husband's website(coopbringsit.com) and see what he does. He is a MACHINE...like he is not made like the rest of us.  He is truly Superman.