Are You Asking Often Enough?

I have been out of town for ten days.  I hate being out of town.  I am a homebody at heart. I especially missed blogging.  So many thoughts get crammed up in my head and they need to come out!
I wanted to share a powerful thought about my trip.  Several things happened that needed prayer...urgent prayer. My first response is to not "bother" God with a request.  Satan tells us that God cannot be bothered with us.  He gets us to doubt God's provision and care.

 I mentioned this a few blogs ago. Every sin can be put in one of three categories. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life are demonstrated in the Bible. Not those words, but those situations. When Adam and Eve were tempted by the serpent, he used these three temptations.

 He said to Eve, "Do I understand that God told you to not eat ANY fruit of the garden?" He was attempting to get Eve to think that God was withholding good things. He wants us to think that God does not want to provide every good thing.  Admit it.  How often do you find yourself thinking that God would not hear you when you ask for a need?

The other two sins are more obvious. We want to meet a physical need(lust of the flesh) even if it is wrong for us or we need to wait. Even greater is the desire to be put first(pride of life).  However, the lust of the eyes can really trip us up. We see others getting everything they need and we are missing out.

Pretty soon, we do not even ask because we are mad at God.  We quit seeing him as the "owner of the cattle on a thousand hills(Psalm 50:10)." We stop seeing him as our perfect Father who "if we ask for bread, will he give us a stone?(Matthew 7:9)" We forget that in Luke 11, it says," Ask and you will get, Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be open to you." Does that sound like someone that is stingy?

So this week, when I needed some help, I asked and it was provided. I asked with confidence and boldness. God answered and it felt normal.  I realized that my Father wants me to ask because he wants to give and give generously. He especially wants me to ask when I cannot meet that need in my own strength or wisdom or power. He receives the glory when I am at the end of my rope.  Let's never stop asking. Let's quit asking for small things that we already can see how the end turns out.
Let's ask for the unseen and not the seen. When we start praying like that...get ready for some laughter and excitement when he answers us!

 

Your personality type and your marriage
I wanted to continue in the theme of understanding our personality types and how they affect our relationships. If you did not read the previous blog, I suggest that you take a second to read it. Also, if you have never done so, take one of the personality tests. I provided links to three of the most used.  I will use the Gary Smalley test names:  Lion, Otter, Beaver and Golden Retriever. No particular reason. They all have the similar traits in their testing.  I just like the names of animals that they use.

Early in our marriage, we both took several different personality tests.  We were intrigued with the idea that people tend to belong to one of the four personality types or at least, a strong bent toward one. Over the years, we may have gravitated slightly.  However, overall we stayed close to the original testing results.  As frustrating as it may be to see your spouse display the negative traits of a Lion or an Otter, it is comforting to know their good traits are probably the reason why you married them.
Let me give you an example of how this plays out in our marriage.  Let me say from the beginning, I am by no means a psychologist or psychoanalyst or counselor. I can only state how I have seen this demonstrated in 34 years of marriage...and it fascinates me.  I will tell you that I have many tendencies of a "Lion."  The motto..."Trust me! It'll work out!" describes me very well. I am not sure why everyone else does not feel this way:) 
As you can tell from the following list, every positive has a corresponding negative. If you only read the left side, sounds like a nice person to have on your team. Unfortunately, you have to take the bad with the good.

Likes authority. ………………...Too direct or demanding

Takes charge……………….…..Pushy; can step in front of others

Determined. …………………... Overbearing

Confident. …………………..…. Cocky

Enterprising. ……………..….... Takes big risks

Problem solver. ………….….... Too busy

Productive. ……….……….…... Overlooks feelings; do it now!

Bold. …………………….……... Insensitive

Purposeful; goal driven…..….... Imbalanced; workaholic

Decision maker. ………….….... Unthoughtful of others' wishes

Adventurous. ………………… .. Impulsive

Strong 'willed …………………...Stubborn

Controlling. ……………………...Bossy; overbearing

Persistent. ………………….….. Inflexible

Let's look at Mark's temperament, the Golden Retriever. His motto is definitely , "Let's keep things the way they are."

Sensitive feelings. ……..…….… Easily hurt

Loyal. ………………………….… Misses opportunities

Calm; even keeled. ……….….… Lacks enthusiasm

Nondemanding ………….…...… Weakling; pushover

Avoids confrontations. .………… Misses honest intimacy

Enjoys routine …………….…..…Stays in rut

Dislikes change. ………….….… Not spontaneous

Warm and relational. …….….… Fewer deep friends

Gives in. ……………….……...… Co-dependent

Accommodating. …….…….…… Indecisive

Cautious humor. ……….….…… Overly cautious

The reasons I fell in love with this guy is because he is the calm in our storms, he is very warm and relational, he is extremely accommodating, and tremendously loyal.  Even though he is a "man's man"(more like superman), he has a gentle and caring nature that I am attracted to. But on the flip side, I want to scream when he is "overly cautious" or "stays in a rut." I need a quick decision even if it is the wrong one.

Here is the truth about your personality type.  You can't change much of it. That is okay.  Every personality type has some amazing strengths.  When I am yielded to God's will for my life, my strengths can be put to good use. My negative qualities are minimized, just like the minimizer key on a computer.  Think about that incredible thought!  You still possess that negative quality.  However, it is minimized to the point where no one would even know you possessed that quality.  All they see is the positives of your temperament.

Your never-ceasing prayer for your spouse(and yourself) is Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. If we get that out of order and try to seek the things that we want before seeking his kingdom, frustration will abound.

There are endless websites on personality types and how they affect your marriage.  I included a link to one to give you an idea. This is not in place of a good marriage counselor. But it is a great starting place.

http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Free-marriage-counseling.html

 There is NO SUCH THING as a bad personality type. If you are married, your spouse's personality type is perfect for you.  The problem is not your spouse's type or yours.  The answer will always be to seek God first and his righteousness.

As always, I pray for whoever reads this blog.

How does personality type affect relationships?

I am continually stunned at how differently Mark reacts to issues in our marriage!  Keep in mind that after 34 years, you get comfortable with each other.  You predict how the other will respond.  You already think you know the path the conversation will take. And then, out of the blue, you look at the other person and wonder why they are acting that way.

Yesterday was one of those days.  I started the conversation with my dangerous preface, "Mark, will you be open minded about my idea of a project I want to do today?" How many times does Mark hear me say that?  I am positive that he says no in his mind long before I utter the next word. 

However, I continue to ignorantly believe that Mark wants to know...yearns to know...must know how he can make me happy.  Mistake #1. Thinking that our marriage revolves around making me happy! I continue on in that pleasant thought and make my request. Now at this point, some of you will be curious about what was the great idea I had.  Trust me, in retrospect, it was a dumb idea. Mark let me know, in a kind way, that this project was not going to be done today...or ever. His answer was predictable and my response was predictable.  I got quiet. I mulled over his lack of desire to take on my plans instead of his.

Which brings me to the point of this blog. Even though Mark and I have a lot of things in common, we are total opposites on personality types. If you never done so, I would suggest that you take a personality test to determine your type. Mark and I have taken several over the course of our marriage and they do help you understand yourself and especially understand your mate/potential mate. I included the links to three personality quizzes.  Before proceeding, take one of the tests.

http://www3.dbu.edu/jeanhumphreys/SocialPsych/smalleytrentpersonality.htm
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html
http://www.goingthedistance.org/pages.asp?pageid=18155
Many people have had to take a personality quiz for their job.  If you have taken one already and do not want to take another test, refer to the next site which attempts to summarize the similarity of the four basic personality types, no matter which type of  test you have taken in the past.

http://www.peterursbender.com/quiz/moreinfo.html

I make it a point to have short blogs.  I tend to not read long blogs because of time. More on this topic in the next few days.

Who are you becoming?(old person part 5)

I keep thinking of things I need to consider to prepare for "oldness." I will be there one day. So far, I talked about forgiving myself of past mistakes, be careful of the things I file in my mind, define my idea of a life well-spent and do not allow old age to be a time of uselessness. Today I want to ponder on the people I need to forgive.

I once read a quote about the economy of forgiveness. "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." I believe that when we hold on to grudges again a family member, a friend, a co-worker and especially when we hold to a grudge against God, we are bankrupting our spirit. We are needlessly spending way too much time, thoughts, and energy on that person and that situation. Couldn't we all use that time, thoughts and energy on something more worthwhile than hatred?

The most foolish thing that we do is to hold onto to a grudge against God. I cannot fathom how God has disappointed you. Maybe he let you down with a death of a loved one, a financial disaster, or lack of a marriage partner. Whatever it was, you may have stayed angry with God for way too long. There are endless books written on this topic, so I cannot pretend to cover this in a brief blog. However, this I know...let go of the feeling that God let you down.

Did you realize that this is one of the three major areas of sin? In a nutshell, all of sin can be put into these three categories: Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. To believe that God let you down, implies that God did not provide all that you needed to live an abundant life. You "see something" with your eyes(lust of the eyes) and you are thinking that God should not withhold that from you. Eve did that and for centuries, we have been deceived into thinking that God just did not come through for us. It is time that you let go of that false belief. I know of many older people who cannot "forgive" God for holding out on them. They are bitter and angry people.

Hopefully, you are realizing that there are some types of older people that you do not want to emulate. Well, you do not have to be like that.  But you must do something about it now before you become the person you always said you would not want to be. The cement will harden one day. I am praying for whoever reads this blog that they will take some courageous steps to becoming the older person that everyone wants to be around.

The person I am becoming, part two

Yesterday I published a blog about considering what kind of an older person you want to be. I wanted to continue in that vein of thought. As we grow older, many of us constantly look back over our life and give it a grade based on  how successful we think we have been.  Let's stop there for today and ponder what that really means.  When I look reflect on my past, I must admit I give it an A in some areas and a failing grade in others.

For example, I have had a rich, rewarding career in teaching. I have loved so many students! They are all my favorites.  I have taught mostly 8th graders.  I like to think that I have laughed with them, cried with them, pushed them to think out of the box, hugged them when life was crashing all around them(everyday occurrence for an 8th grader) and tried to teach them all the life lessons that they needed to survive. Probably an A in that area.  Check that off.

However, when I move to the parenting area, I tremble a little.  I grade myself very harshly in that area. I look back and think of a million things I would have done differently. I would like a do-over. Maybe I should add that my sons turned out to be the most magnificent men on the planet! But deep down, I know that I can't take any credit. The Lord did that in their lives, not me.

In the area of ministry, I tend to give it a C. Mark and I have taught Sunday School for almost the entire 34 years of our married life. The problem is I have worn it like a badge of honor many times.  We have been in the spotlight. We get a lot of pats on the back. I would give it a much higher grade if we had been the janitors or the coffee servers, an area where we got absolutely no recognition.

Realize that you will do that one day.  Start the process now.  All of us would like to look back over the years and say "that was a life well spent." Notice that your definition of success will have nothing to do with money. No one on their deathbed will be wishing they had made more money. No one. Today may be the best time to redefine your definition of success. Stay focused on what is important in life. You aren't getting any younger:)

P. S. I wrote a blog called "Ordering Your World." I talked about setting goals and priorities. Check it out.
P.S.S. I do not think my spell-checker is working.  I think I am a decent speller but I do know there will be a mistake or two. Forgive!

What kind of old person do you want to be?

(I wrote this blog 7 years ago! I never finished the series. It's time!)

This topic has been marinating in my mind for awhile. I am about to turn 57 years old in a couple of months. I don't feel old at all!  But I want to determine what kind of person I want to become "one day" when I turn old:) I believe it is imperative to live in such a way now to safeguard the life I want to live when I am older.

 I decided to make some observations of older people that I admire. What qualities do they possess?
True confession...it was easier to think about what qualities I have observed that I do not want in my life and reverse that thinking.

Counter the idea that old age needs be a time of uselessness/retirement/atrophy. I personally hate the idea of spending your whole life serving others in a job so that you can float around on a boat and do nothing when you retire. Or walk along the beach and try new seafood recipes every night. It reeks of selfishness. No matter  how good it sounds on paper, selfishness disappoints every time. Many people have told Mark and I to have a plan for working or volunteering if we stop teaching. It is tempting to dream about "when I retire." Examine your reasons for longing for retirement.  Is it so you can be lazy or simply move into Plan B?

Along that line, many people allow their bodies to atrophy. I can't count how many older people say that they use to walk or they use to work out.  But they see old age as an excuse to "relax" more. This is a death sentence for them. At what age is it okay to wind down? If you are keeping up with my blogs, you will see that I am adding in new exercises rather than slowing down.  I made a choice(I will always struggle) to be as fit as I can be. My knee does not hurt anymore when I do Body Pump. I actually thought your knees were supposed to hurt when you got older:) I have followed a strict diet for about two weeks and lost 8 pounds. I am going to stop saying that I can't lose weight because my metabolism is slowing down. Best example I know is my husband. He is about to turn 58 this September. He is like Superman. Best shape he has ever been in his life. He refuses to get old! Check out his link at the side of my blog.


Last thing to mention on this topic.  I do not, do not, do not think we are useless just because we are older.  On the contrary, I did not start writing a blog until I was older and had a little wisdom under my belt. Mark and I are starting a new adventure next Sunday with our career class. I feel like I have so much to offer a younger teacher at my school. My favorite blog to read is from my college pastor, 40 years ago. I do not know how old he is now but he is literally reeking of wisdom! I want to be more useful with every passing year. As a matter of fact, what did I even offer to others in my twenties?  I was a taker, more than a giver.

I hate long blogs so I will pick up this topic in the next few days. Maybe you young folks need to imagine what kind of "older"person you want to be. It will take a lot of planning and goal setting to become that person one day.  It will not happen on its own.

New Blog Topic

What kind of an older person do I want to be? Working on this new blog.  Will publish first one tomorrow.  I am excited about it.  I am also trying to remember how I deleted the comment option.  I realized I LOVE comments. I want my blog to be more of a conversation than a monologue. I will work on that, as well. Stay tuned...